This is My True Feeling

What I did wrong? Is it true that I have change? I look myself in front of mirror. There is a face that not same as before. I try to remember back about my interaction with Ai. I realize then that after I change my appearance, I rarely spend my time with Ai. I always with other classmates who are so popular. She with other her friends. Sometimes, when she ask me to play with her, I reject her as I said that my ‘ friend’ want me with them. When she said that Kai and his band ask me to see them, the truth is that I feel so excited that my popularity finally get their attention. I don’t really care what Ai think during that time. How worse am I that time? I should notice Ai’s weird expression when she talking to me that time. I also forgot her birthday yesterday. I don’t come as I thought she will be fine without me. Is this what people call as arrogant? But its not end there…

At school, the story about me was confessed by Kai had been spread among students. Who did this to me? My other friends start to distance themselves from me. They said they feel betrayed by my action. I know that almost girl student in this school has a crush on Kai including Ai too. In the classroom, I look at my back try to talk with Ai but she is ignoring me.

“Ai…”

She is looking at other side. Meanwhile other classmates still talking about my story. During recess, Kai come to my class.

“Nakamura-san, I have bought you this melon bread. Do you want it?”

All people looking at me with sharp eye. Is this my wrong?

“Look! Who she think she are? She ask Kai-sama to get her a melon bread.”

“She think she is so pretty!”

“If only Kai know her old’s appearance….”

I can hear that, stupid!

“Kai, thank you for this. But I hope that you should inform me first before you come to see me.”

“Alright, Nakamura-san! See you again, then!”

After Kai left the classroom, all the attention toward me was finally gone. Afraid that Ai angry with me again, I try to talk with her who eating behind me.

“Ai, the thing that happen just now, it just a joke. You know, right?”

“You are so lucky, Yuka. I have known Kai since he was little and he never joke about the thing like this. Can you just stop talking me? I thought you have other friends to talk.”

As I want to reply her, our history teacher enter classroom. Conversation between me and Ai stop there. My reputation starts to drop since that day. In my shoe locker, I found a note. What was written really surprised me.

YOU SHOULD GO AWAY FROM KAI-SAMA! WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE! KAI-SAMA IS MINE!!!

Why am I starting to get hate too? How popular Kai is? I also feel unfair. If they really like Kai, why don’t they try to confess to him? Why they should hate me instead of trying hard to get Kai’s attention. If this is what they have done to me, just wait. I will show them who I am.

The school festival finally started. There is nothing different from last year. But what I waiting for is the performance during the last day of festival. There are many people make their performance on that stage. After Kai and his band finished with their gig, my turn finally come. I have wrote a new song. This song will be a little bit different from the one I wrote before. This song will be in ballad genre.

“Nakamura-san, about the reply, when you will tell me?”

“I will tell you after this. Just prepare for it, Kai.”

“Alright! I will wait for it!”

When I stand on the stage, I notice that students are not looking at me as they are uninterested with my performance. I don’t care about that. I pluck string on my guitar and play on A note.

I am so sorry

We always spend time together
All the sweet and bitter memories
As you and me can’t be apart
I really miss that time

Everything start to change
We not together anymore
You and I feel so far
That I can’t reach you

Chorus

I know that I hurt you
Am I wrong?
So I have something to tell
Sorry is the only word I can say…

I don’t want to feel this again
Am I forgiven now?
So can we become close again?
Sorry for everything…

At the end of the performance, I grasp the microphone.

“Everyone! Look at me now! Hear what I want to say! Matsumoto Kaito, I don’t like people like you. You should find other people that are better than me. I don’t care about what you think of me after this, but this is my decision.”

I can see Kai’s face start to change after hearing what I said. He then left the hall.

“Next one is to all students here! I want to say thank you for giving me a hard time before this! Because of that I can produce this kind of song although its kind of weird to say this here.”

All of them look clueless after hearing what I said. Right, it feels weird but it’s true that they helped to write this song.

“For the last one, Wakamiya Ai! I want to take this chance to apologize for everything I have done to you. I know that I have hurt you although I know that you always try to care about me without I knowing. Can you forgive me?”

I don’t know if this is enough. Should I dogeza? Or I shave my head? What can I do to ask for apologize? Then, a girl student came to the stage and approached me. She takes my hand and pulls me toward her. The girl is Ai! She is hugging me.

“Yuka, I want to apologize to you too! I am so sorry for my words the other day! I know you feel so hurt with how I talk to you, right? I-I just feel irritated with your new life. As your best friend, I should support you. I am so sorry, Yuka!”

“Me too, Ai!”

I feel so happy that everything can be solve. But is it only in my imagination? I feel that Ai wants to kiss me on my cheek just now. There is nothing weird happen between me and her after this right?”