Chapter 16:
The Shiruka Collection
I hopped as fast as I could dragging that idiot towards the cave. That damn Yowie BETTER be in there! I'm running dangerously low on brain cells, if the Yowie isn't in here, I'm screwed.
"Hon hon hon! Zere ez no Yowie in zat cave," the Frenchman taunted as he ran alongside us.
"YOU! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" I shouted.
"Non non non! I want to witness your failure you son of a raspberry."
"Dante ez best duende! Ride mussel car!" Beans' voice rang out as he pretended he was driving a car.
Sir Worthsworth was also riding on his back.
"You too?" I groaned.
"Yeah, they said it would be funny," Beans replied in his normal voice.
"HOLD ON! YOU CAN TALK NORMALLY!?"
"Yeah, I just like doing the funni bits."
"Then what was all that at the tree!?"
"I just lost it over a spider. That's all."
"But you have no more brain cells!"
"So do you like cars?" Beans asked in his Ray Greno voice.
"DON'T CHANGE THE TOPIC ON ME!"
"I do say, I doubt you'll end up as lucky as Beans. You're too, how they say, "normie" to retain your current personality when you lose your brain cells," Sir Worthsworth stated.
"So you're saying I'll end up becoming a crazy loon like all of you if my brain cell bar hits zero?"
"Correct my good sir."
"You'll be more like a crazy butt," Beans chimed.
"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu!" Ketsuketsu's voice rang out.
I turned to see him riding with Shitty Sal and Lime green bodysuit guy on the wildebeest.
"He says he wants to see you fail," Lime green body suit guy smirked.
"It's gonna be shit!" Shitty Sal laughed.
"Ahahaha! This is what you get for ruinin my dance!" The panda's voice rang out.
I turned behind me to see the panda riding on the crocodile along with the nomad, Ravio, and the entire mustachioed koala orchestra. Ravio then began singing.
"Pizza pasta your gonna suck cock. You'll end up inside a pizza box. Covered in tortellini marinara, throw meat a balls a on the walls, you're a cheesy weenie now I'm gonna succ some sauce."
"NO I'M NOT FAILING! I'M GONNA FIND THE YOWIE! HAVE DUMBEE ASK HIS DUMB QUESTION, THEN GET OUT OF THIS HELL!" I shouted.
Finally, I reached the cave. Richelieu was standing in front of a burning trash bag at the mouth of the cave.
"Welcome bitch! I've got two big questions for you. Answer the more important one right, and you'll be given another chance. First question, what's your IQ level?" Richelieu asked me.
"100."
"WRONG BITCH! IT'S 69!"
*Roux lost 31 brain cells*
"THE HELL! NOW I ONLY HAVE 69 LEFT!"
"Next question, don't worry, you won't lose any more brain cells for answering this one. What is the main reason you ended up in this hell. Think carefully, cause your answer WILL have an impact on you. I even gave you a hint. So THINK Roux!"
"Simple, I'm here cause some damn drop bear murdered me."
"That's... Correct. Well, go on in bitch and take Dumbee with you."
Richelieu moved aside as Dumbee and I gazed inside the cave. Suddenly, a large hairy ape-like creature emerged. It towered over us and had orange brown fur. It was the Yowie! The real Yowie!
"I can't believe it mate! I can sense the Yowie nearby. I think he's cooking something," Dumbee grinned as he sniffed the air.
Indeed, I could smell a barbecue, but rather than argue with Dumbee that the Yowie was LITERALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, I just asked the question.
"Oh great Yowie, are you into yaoi aka Boy's love?" I asked.
"NO!" the Yowie answered.
"Why are you called the Yowie?"
"Cause I'm gonna give you an owie! Yahoo!"
"Well there you have it Dumbee, the Yowie is not into yaoi, he gives you owies, and Yahoo is his catchphrase. Richelieu take me back!" I stated.
"Lol, you're a dumbass," Richelieu stated as he stood next to a smokey barbecue.
"The hell!? That's the Yowie! And don't give me some bullshit that it only counts if Dumbee asks the questions!"
"No, that's not it bitch! You never got the answer."
"Why!?"
"Because the answers were invalid!" the Yowie stated.
"WHY!?"
"Because I... am... Guanoman Joel!" the Yowie proclaimed as he took off his mask, revealing himself to be a mustachioed man that had a black a pompadour and was wearing sunglasses.
He then ripped off his costume and put on his fedora. He was actually just a normal sized human in a suit. Some music began playing as he whipped out a gun and started dancing.
"Skibbidi bee skib bee bee bop boom, Fuck you!"
*BANG*
*Roux lost 69 brain cells to revive*
I gazed around frantically as my heart begun to beat faster.
"NO! NO! WHAT'S- BAHAHAHAHAHA! NO! WHY! WHAT THE HELL RICHELIEU!?" I shouted.
"You answered my question wrong, the real Yowie, was right here the whole time," Richelieu stated as the smoke cleared, revealing the Yowie.
"I suppose I'll answer the questions before you lose your sanity. No, I'm not into yaoi. I am into yuri though. As for why I'm called the Yowie, that's just what some people call me. My real names actually Yowyahoo," the Yowie replied.
"As for why you're joining the crazy crew, you failed to give me the full answer to my second question," Richelieu sneered.
"THE- BAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELL!?"
"You didn't answer WHY you were isekaid. Wanna know why? It's because you burned me when you destroyed that cassette tape! That really hurt, so I decided to give you hell. I'm the reason that drop bear appeared and killed you BITCH!"
I immediately remembered the event in question.
"NO! I'M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
"TOO LATE BITCH! I gave you plenty of hints, but you answered wrong. If you had apologized like this when I asked the question, I would have resurrected you in your own world, but now, BYE BITCH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Yeah, Richelieu here. So Roux is now a crazy cackling idiot. He now wears a top hat, rides a unicycle and dances around shaking his kangaroo ass at everything. He now journeys with Dumbee and Yowyahoo around the Outback. The life lesson here, is never light a fire in someone else's trash can. You could end up isekaid to Australialand and forced to journey with Dumbee if you do. Oh, and if you're a smartass that just wants to fool around with Dumbee, just buy the VR video game and test your luck there. I promise, it will be filled with rage, challenge, but also satisfaction. Thanks for watching this shitpost of a television series. Also, fuck you editor!
[End]
"And scene. CONGRATULATIONS everyone! We FINALLY did it!" the director shouted.
"Bout time we finished with this shit!" Dumbee's actor, Niles Thorndyke growled as he stormed off.
Niles Thorndyke was a failed Australian actor. He had longed to have his own nature show, but it never took off. He then adopted the Drop Bear Dumbee moniker as an attempt to garner more attention. It didn't work. Though, he did attract the attention of a certain Japanese author. Said author's editor had contacted him and offered to make a 10 episode drama guest starring him as one of the leads. Niles leapt at the chance, only to find that he was asked to act like a complete idiot.
"I better get fame and fortune for all this shit!" Niles glared as he ran into the editor.
The editor was seething with rage as he looked for Shiruka.
"That witty little shit! No way I'm allowing that last line to get into the final product!" the editor growled.
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