Small Light

“Stop acting like a kid and go back home. Never ever doing anything related to music anymore!”

What did I just hear? Did dad ask me to stop? I thought he would support me. Why did he asks me to go back?

“Why?” I asked dad.

“Did I need to explain to you? Can you see what you have done now? Are you happy with that? Why you want to do this?”

“But I want to be like you, dad. A famous person.”

“A famous person? You thought I divorce with your mom so that I can become a famous person? I enter this industry because I can be myself when I do my music. Although I have divorce with your mom, I still contact her from time to time. Just you know that I do music not to become popular.”

“But-“

“I heard your written song when you were in high school. It is quite good for me. Disappointedly, with your condition now, I think it’s better for you to stop everything. I want you to go back to your mom. I think I need to go now. Goodbye.”

As dad hurriedly left the restaurant, I still sitting at the table while thinking what dad said to me. Should I stop? Maybe what dad said to me is right. I will go back for now. I will take this chance to apologize to mom.

On the next day, I go to LMP Company to see Kiba-san.

“Kiba-san, sorry for disturbing you but I have something to discuss.”

“Nakamura-san, I have expected you to come here today. You can sit on that chair. So, what do you want to discuss with me?”

“Can I terminate our contract?”

“Why?”

“I think I want to stop all of this. I think here is not my place. I want to retire from this industry.”

“I know you will said that. Maybe it’s better for you to stop. Do you know what I think of you now?”

“What is it, Kiba-san?”

“You are just a kid who thinks music is toy for you. You never try to understand the meaning of music. You just thought that is cool to become someone who works hard and becomes popular, right? That’s why your debut is not really successful.”

“What do you mean by that? Did you know everything?”

“Of course. I ask music producer to train you harsher than usual. I want to observe what is your reaction. Unexpectedly, you just follow everything what the music producer says. Not enough with that, I ask music video director a favor. Make the music video with the most absurd theme. I have never done things like this before. I expect you will ask the music video director about the cloth and theme. But you never try to ask me and discuss with me about your that.”

I am shocked and a bit hurt with Kiba-san explanation.

“Don’t you know what you had done is wrong, Kiba-san? Didn’t you think what happen will affect this company?”

“Of course, I know what I had done is wrong! I know what I do will impact my company. But do you know that I do this just for you?”

“For me?”

What does he mean to me? Did he like-

“If you thought that I like you, its wrong. I am married by the way. But the reason for all of this is I am your fan. I even knew about you before your debut. Now, I think I have make wrong mistakes. You have disappointed me.”

“I don’t think all this my fault anyway. This your fault also, Kiba-san. You should treat your artist better!”

“Who are you to speak to me like that!? That’s why you never succeed. With your arrogant attitude, I don’t think you have any right to criticize me. Did you ever think why I scout you although your controversies still not done? That’s because I thought you have potential. But you had waste my time and I want you to get out from here now!”

As the evening slowly darkened the sky, I found myself wandering aimlessly through the town, lost in a haze of thoughts and emotions without I know that I arrive at the dumping ground that far from town I decided to take a seat on a worn-out carpet that lay among the discarded items. Why all of this happen to me? When did it start going wrong? For what I do this? I also have disappointed many people including mom, dad, and Kiba-san. All these thoughts are stressing me out. I think everything will be fine if I end all of this. I slowly pulled out the rope that I bought from the hardware store. I need to find the tree that is high enough for me.

Then, suddenly I heard someone’s voice. I thought there will be no one here. Out of curiosity, I tried to find the owner of that voice. Not far from dumping ground, there I found a girl singing while playing guitar. Decided not to disturb her, I am watching her from behind. I think her age is around 12 years old based on her size. What song that she sings just now? It’s only then I realize she sings my song which is ‘I am Sorry’ which I wrote when I was in high school. How can she know about that song? Kiba-san also said that he was my fan before my debut. Really, what is happening to me?

“Did anyone is here?”

Does she know I am here? I decided to approach her to avoid misunderstanding.

“Sorry, did I scare you? “

“No! But can you tell me is my singing is good?”

“Of course! And you are also good at playing guitar! By the way, how did you know about the song that you had sung just now?”

“My brother! He is the one who introduced this song to me! I think this song is great and her voice are so sweet!”

“Really?! Thank you for that!” I am so happy to hear that compliment.

“This voice….Are you Nakamura Yuka? I am your fan! I should realize it sooner!”

“Wait, did you recognize me just now?”

Today I wear quite a simple clothe and anyone at the town can easily recognize me although they don’t really care about me.

“Sorry, but I can’t see you. The truth is I am blind.”

The realization hit me so much. What should I suppose to say here?

“Its fine, Nakamura-san. You don’t need to think much about me!”

“By the way, what is your name?” I almost forgot to ask her name.

“Mirai Yume!”

“So, can I call you Yume-chan?”

“Of course! And can I call you Yuka neechan?”

“Sure! By the way, where is your parent and your brother? I think its dangerous to be alone around this time.” I need to make sure her safety first as night is dangerous for children.

Her cheerful tone grew sober as she shared her family's history. "My brother is still working. My dad passed away when I was born. My mom took care of me and my brother until last year when she passed away too.”

My legs weaken while my hand start to tremble.

“But I always remember what mom said to me. Try to enjoy your life a-a-and d-d-don’t give u-up on y-y-your d-d-dream.,” Yume-chan said while in tears.

She is strong and here I try to end everything about me. Without I realize ,tears welled up in my eyes, and my vision blurred as I embraced Yume, offering her comfort and reassurance.

“Its fine, Yume-chan. Everything is okay. Yuka-neechan is here with you.”

“I miss mom! Yuka-neechan can I see my mom? I want to see her!”

I held her a little tighter, wishing I could ease her pain. "I understand how much you miss her, Yume-chan. Although you can't see her, your mom is watching over you, and she's proud of the strong and wonderful person you've become."

Then, I remember about mom. Is she doing fine now? I am sorry mom for what I had done. Can… I see you again, mom?

Yume-chan and I continue to be crying out loud that night. Only God knows about our feeling now.