To the Ends of the Stars

I had just stepped out of the shower, the room was completely filled with steam, and the mirror was fogged up. After drying myself with a towel, I checked my phone. There was a message from her.

"Let's meet at 6:30 in the evening." 

The message was simple and formal. I had about an hour, and I needed to hurry. I wondered why she had arranged this sudden meeting. After carefully grooming myself, I put on a red shirt and black pants. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I smiled.

"It looks like the color of blood."

I had arrived at the park. I was searching for her on one side while also admiring the uniqueness of the sky. The sky had turned towards shades of purple, illuminated by orange hues. It was as if they were sharing the sky amidst a battle.

As I approached the entrance, I saw her. She was also gazing at the sky. The closer I got to her, the more I noticed the pure beauty and thoughtful expression on her face. Her green eyes seemed to ripple in harmony with the colors in the sky.

"If I'm late, I apologize."

"No, you arrived right on time. I just got here a little early," she said. Her voice sounded subdued and simple. Her face appeared paler than usual.

We walked silently until we found an empty spot on the grass. There was a strange feeling inside me, as if something painful was happening, but I couldn't see it.

After walking up the stone steps, we found a small grassy hilltop and sat down with a bit of distance between us. I couldn't understand why she was behaving so quietly and indifferently. Her black hair was gently swaying in the breeze as we quietly looked at the setting sun and the buildings in front of it.

I felt the need to start a conversation because this wasn't the kind of meeting I had expected. I swallowed hard.

"The sky looks particularly beautiful today, doesn't it?"

"It's because he's up there," she replied. Her voice was flat and normal.

"Who?"

"Thanatos."

I looked at her in astonishment. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Who is that?"

"The God of Death."

I stared at her in disbelief. I was trying to figure out if she was serious, but she didn't seem like she was joking. I didn't understand why she had said that, and it seemed incredibly strange.

"I see..."

The sky was slowly darkening. The large sun was setting beyond the sea, glimpsed through a small gap between the skyscrapers. Different colors were beginning to appear in the sky: red and green.

She suddenly threw herself onto the grass. Her body hit the grass with force, but she didn't make a sound. She continued to gaze at the sky without looking at me. I felt tense because I knew that whenever she looked absentmindedly somewhere without speaking, something strange was about to happen. Without knowing what to say, I followed her lead and lay down on the grass.

The sky was getting darker, and most of the colors were slowly being invaded by navy blue and black. In the distance, the sounds of children playing and couples whispering could be faintly heard, while the honks and exhaust noises of cars on the road filled the air.

"Hey," she said. For the first time, she was going to say something.

"Yes?" I replied. I had a strange feeling inside me, but I didn't know what it was. It felt like she was about to have a serious conversation, perhaps a farewell.

"I need to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"I will die soon."

"What?" I was shocked, struggling to grasp what I had just heard. It felt like a cold wind had passed through my throat.

"I will die soon."

"Why?"

"Because I've taken too many pills."

I looked at her in horror. Her eyes were fixed on the sky, deadly serious. At that moment, I understood the feeling inside me: fear.

"Why did you take them? What happened?" My voice trembled.

"Because Thanatos is calling me." She looked like she was dressed in a white gown, as if she were about to sleep her final slumber, just like a princess in a fairy tale.

The sky had darkened, and the park's lights had come on. However, where we were lying was quite dark as it was far from the walking path. The moon and some stars had started to appear.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I immediately sat up and looked at her in horror. She still wasn't looking at me.

"I love you, I love you so much. That's why I thought I should let you know," she said, with no fear or hesitation in her voice.

"We're putting an end to this nonsense, and we're going to the hospital!" I tried to lift her hands from under her legs, but she began hitting me with her hands.

"LET ME GO!" She shouted. I stood there in shock.

"It's too late now anyway; I can't feel my legs and body anymore," she continued.

I was at a loss for what to do. If she couldn't even feel her own body, it would be very difficult to reach her in time. I was filled with fear and horror, and I couldn't understand why she had done this.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" I asked, my voice coming out weakly, although I already knew the answer.

"Because he called me."

"How can you know that, and be sure of it?" I asked angrily. White lights illuminated the distant grass, and her eyes were shining in the moonlight in the darkness.

"Because I can see him."

I stood up. Tears were flowing from my eyes. I loved her deeply, and I couldn't understand her recent odd behavior. It turned out this was the reason. 

She had told me that when she was young, her father had died in a shooting, and her mother had passed away from cancer. Despite all that, she had always stood strong and confidently declared that she had studied medicine to never lose another person. I had promised her that I would be there for her as at least a friend, if not a family.

"What about the people you'll save?" I asked, struggling to swallow. My throat was tight, and tears were streaming from my eyes.

"They don't need to be saved anymore. After all, Thanatos is calling all of them," she said. I thought she was going mad, and I wanted to believe it was a dream.

"But what about us? All the fun times we've had?"

"All of that was because Eros was on your side."

"What?"

"Desire God."

I felt like I had to accept whatever she said. The helplessness I felt inside was as dark as the sky.

"Hey," she called out to me. I looked at her with teary eyes.

"Don't cry; I'm sorry I can't wipe the tears from your face. I think my hands are completely numb now."

His words felt like a knife stabbing into me. A throbbing pain in the upper part of my nose reached all the way to my brain. I silently cried for a few more seconds.

"You looked really handsome today. We bought this shirt together, didn't we?" she said, smiling gently.

I replied with a sob, "Yes."

He was silently looking at the sky. "The stars look beautiful today. It's a beautiful day to die."

I still hadn't fully processed everything, and my entire body was trembling in pain. I took a deep breath. At least, I had promised to be there for her until the end, even if she was going to die. With my tears soaking my hand, I slowly held her hand. It was cold and dry. I decided to continue talking with my trembling voice.

"Some of the stars you see right now aren't actually there."

"Is that so?" Her voice sounded even more exhausted.

"Yes, because the light takes a long journey to reach us. So, in a way, we're seeing the past of those stars."

"How hopeless."

"What?"

"The lives of the stars. They shine for so long, but they can't be of any use."

What she said struck me as funny. With all that had happened, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

"I'm just amazed that you can think about them even now," I said. I had thought she wanted to study medicine and fight. Part of me still believed that.

"Yes, who else would think of me anyway?" she said casually. The navy blue in the sky had disappeared, and it was completely black now. Her pink shoes and buckle shone in the moonlight.

I had been irritated that she seemed to exclude me from her thoughts. "Of course, it's me, who else?"

"Right... I'm sorry."

"I'll accept it on one condition." I still couldn't believe what I was saying, but it was starting to feel strangely enjoyable.

"What?" she asked, surprised.

"I want you to live." I knew she didn't have much time left, but I still said it, even if it seemed hopeless.

"I'm sorry," she said without saying anything else. I understood that her answer was no. Then she continued, "Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes.

"What do you see?"

"Darkness."

"Is there anything there?"

"Nothing."

"That's exactly what I'm trying to reach. Thanatos herself."

"So, he's nothingness?"

"He's something that leads to nothingness; nothingness is inevitable in the end," she said.

I was tired of hoping at this point, so I decided to give up and try to have a normal conversation until the end.

"So, won't we eventually reach her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Death's time comes for every human. So, it will come for her too."

"Yes," she said.

"Then why do you have to die now?" I asked.

"Because I want to reunite with her as soon as possible."

"Okay, I have a question," I said. I still couldn't believe what I was saying.

"What?" she asked.

"We talked about stars. If a star knew it was useless and burning in vain, would it still burn?"

"I don't know, would it?"

"I don't know either, but as you can see, none of them burst with their wishes early, or if they did, their light is still reaching us."

"What are you trying to say?"

"We always see the best times of them. But one day, that little dot will also turn into black. So why do we keep looking at it?"

"Maybe because it still looks beautiful?" she said.

"Yes, we still enjoy spending time with it. Just like you are to me. Even if there's eventually a parting, I want to be with you until the end."

"It's a bit too late for that," she said, trying to smile, but it was difficult for her to speak.

"Please, for her, let's be together until the end. If we're going to meet Thanatos anyway, let's enjoy our time with Eros first." I didn't even know what I was saying, but I couldn't stop myself from trying not to give up, as my subconscious was clearly dictating my words.

I was desperately waiting for a no in response. At that moment, tears began to stream from her eyes. Her face seemed to be twitching, as if she were about to cry. That was when I completely lost my seriousness.

"I-i-is it possible?" she said, her voice trembling. That's when I felt her fear.

"Of course, it's possible. Let's travel until we're tired, have fun, and then leave this world together," I confidently said.

Siren sounds were coming from the distance. People were walking around nonchalantly.

"Will you forgive me?"

"Of course, forgive me, what would happen if you didn't? Would you bring us back to this world again?" I said.

He laughed. The siren sounds were becoming clearer.

"What do you say we live until our best moments? If you can see her, maybe you're seeing her past, like a burst star. Everything passes, especially life," I said.

His eyes were slowly closing. I was holding her hand tightly in despair, waiting for her to die.

"B-before coming here, I called an ambulance," she said, struggling to speak.

"What?"

"I gave a report of sleeping pill poisoning, just in case Thanatos rejects me or I'm afraid to die."

A great hope was born inside me. My legs were trembling. My entire body was tingling with electricity, urging me to do my best.

"So, should we go?" I asked. I was afraid of not making it in time, especially of her answer.

"Okay."

I quickly hugged her. I didn't know what I was doing. I was running to where the siren sound was coming from, with her fragile body in my arms. She looked like a princess about to fall into a deep sleep. White dress, green eyes, blue sky, dark hopes, pink accessories, red shirt, yellow sun, and white stars. They all took on different meanings in my eyes.

People were staring at us in amazement, but I didn't even know how I was running. I had pinned all my hopes on this moment.

"Let us be the gods of our own future, continue our journey until the end, shouting our love."