[Omake] Growing Up, Being in a Relationship, and Apologizing to Claire

Author’s note: A flower planted in a sealed terrarium can never outgrow its container. If it is too small, the flower will grow to fill it completely, conforming itself to the terrarium’s shape.

When Hina left for JAXA, she did so in the hope that Yasu wouldn’t grow into a Hina-shaped lily, but she was equally afraid of growing into a Yasu-shaped lily herself. Even after accepting Yasu’s feelings, and admitting her own in turn, she chafed at being replanted in a new terrarium and shaped into a monogamous relationship. She wanted to be free to bloom under the moonlight, swaying alongside other lilies.

At first, Yasu couldn’t understand Hina’s behavior. She had no desire to grow alongside any lily but Hina, and the world outside their terrarium was dangerous and scary, but after seeing Hina’s petals begin to wither and droop, Yasu decided to allow Hina the freedom to bloom in the night air, away from her sight, as long as she returned to the terrarium come daybreak.

Neither noticed the damage it did to Yasu. How could they? She never unfurled her petals in full bloom, but she was no less a lily than Hina, and as they would soon learn, the outside world was an even harsher environment than Yasu feared.

⁂

“I suppose congratulations are in order, Doctor Fischer.”

Yasu glared at the woman sitting perfectly straight behind a desk in a small, well-lit office. Then, remembering that she had more to gain by acting pleasant, put on a fake smile, closed the door behind her, and took a seat.

“Please, call me Yasu. We both know I wouldn’t be a PhD at twenty unless it was politically necessary.”

“We may have pulled some strings to get you accepted, but it was thanks to your hard work that you graduated in only three years.”

The professors that rushed me through the program to escape from government scrutiny had more to do with it, but there’s no point arguing about that with an intelligence agent, Yasu thought to herself. “Can we get to business? This is eating into my Hina time.”

“Don’t worry about that.” In contrast to Yasu’s earlier behavior, the woman’s mask didn’t slip as she opened a drawer and placed a folder on the desk. “You’re about to have a lot more ‘Hina time’. Even in our most optimistic plans, we won’t need you for another year, and there’s a brewing diplomatic incident that’s threatening to push the timeline out further.”

“Diplomatic incident? Did the ‘Murican astronauts paint ‘это не туалет’ on the side of another bus?”

“I’m afraid I’m not privy. This is the first time I’ve heard anything about the ‘Muricans painting a bus. That’s not my department.” The woman enunciated the last sentence slowly, to emphasize to Yasu that she should be more careful with her words, even to friendlies, but she showed no annoyance on her face. She was a professional at the game, and her unflappability gave her an edge that Yasu was wary of, but she knew that game respected game, so Yasu tried to appear casual as she leaned forward and flipped the folder open.

Every photo contained within was of Hina visibly flirting with other women. Some of the photos Yasu had seen before, since they had been posted in the shipping chat, but most were new to her. As she flipped through them, she paused when she uncovered a photo of Hina and Claire. They were sitting at a table in Claire’s kitchen, and Hina was gently cradling a lock of Claire’s curly hair, a sly grin on her face. Yasu barely kept her own smile intact as she closed the folder.

“Why show me these? No, better question: Why do you even have these?”

The woman flipped the folder back open, pulled out five photos, and laid them on the desk. “These women are foreign spies, and their missions all involved you. These three wanted information on you, this one was looking to blackmail you, and this last one wanted to cause a scandal. I hope you can appreciate how harmful it would be to the cause of world peace if either you or Hina were involved in something like that, so we took measures to make sure things never went too far.”

“You mean you prevented her from sleeping with all these women?”

“More or less. There are a few more we don’t have photos of, and about half the time, she fails to seal the deal on her own, so we don’t have to do anything, but we believe you’re the only person she’s ever had sex with.”

“Then you made a rare slip-up. We haven’t had sex, not that it’s any of your business.”

“But Sachiko told us you share a bed.”

“Yeah, because I sleep easier when she’s nearby. Besides, we like to cuddle. Sex isn’t something I’m interested in, but I know how much she wants it. That’s why I look away when she does stuff like this, and I don’t appreciate you rubbing my face in it. I also don’t appreciate you interfering, except where foreign spies are involved. I want her to get it out of her system.”

For several excruciating seconds, the woman stared straight at Yasu with the same vapid expression on her face. It was really impossible to tell what she was thinking. Dropping her gaze to look at the photos, she let out a long sigh.

“You know, this is a funny business. Honesty is rarely the best policy, but every now and then, you run into someone so clueless that it’s the only way to get through to them.” When she raised her head, her brow was crinkled in anger, and she was scowling. “Do you have any idea how much trouble the two of you have caused for us? It’s bad enough you got together in the first place. You made the ISS look like some kind of hookup club for teenage girls. Then, without telling us, the five of you lobbied the Soviets and the ‘Muricans to make you the next JAXA director, but you obviously didn’t think it through. You’ll be engaged in constant, high-stakes negotiations with the other heads of the joint space program. Do you honestly believe they’ll respect you if they know you’re letting your girlfriend cuck you? They’re going to come after you, and Hina, from every angle, looking for any leverage they can get.

“That’s not—”

“Even the half of it.” The woman was in no mood to let Yasu get a word in edgewise. “You’re not just the JAXA director, you’re a symbol of peace. People all over the world look up to you, and you need to project an image of perfection in all things, to hide the fact that the current peace is anything but perfect. I don’t care what the two of you do or don’t do in private, but to everyone else, you have to look like you’re a flawless team, completely devoted to each other. If you can’t manage that, then you should have pushed all the responsibility on Sachiko, let her take all the credit for saving the world, and let us choose the next JAXA director.”

“Oh, that’s what I should have done?” Yasu slammed her hands on the desk and pushed herself up so that she was standing over the woman. “I should have let her fail in her attempt to end the war? Without my involvement, that stream would never have reached enough people, so don’t talk like you know what I should have done. No one knew what to do, not me, not you, not the ‘Muricans, and not the Soviets, but we managed to do what was necessary. Maybe my relationship with Hina isn’t perfect, and sure, we caused you some big problems, but if we hadn’t, nobody would be alive today.”

“If you’re going to use that as an excuse, then you can’t complain when we do what’s necessary now. There’s been some talk around here lately that a memorial statue would make a better symbol of peace than real, flawed people, so if you don’t want to be victims of a freak airship accident, I suggest you get your acts together.”

Yasu’s legs lost their strength, and she slumped back into her chair. When she spoke, her voice came out as a defeated sigh. “What should I do?”

“Figure out your relationship with Hina. For the record, I don’t think you’re as uninterested in physical intimacy as you let on. It’s not exactly a secret how you admire her physique. When she showed off her biceps at your last joint interview, your handler feared you were going to jump her right then and there.”

“That’s different. I…” I love it when she holds me in her strong arms. It makes me feel safe in a way that only she can, but if I ever admitted that to her, she would accuse me of wanting her to take care of me again. “It’s not sexual.”

“If you say so. Regardless, we’re giving you a year. By the time you’re formally appointed as director of JAXA, you need to either get married or stage an amicable break-up. Either way, Hina needs to stop her womanizing. We’ve already given her plenty of warnings. Keeping her in line is your job now.”

⁂

On her way home, Yasu took a long, slow walk through the city, trying to think of a way to give the government what they wanted without ruining her relationship with Hina. It was late at night when she pushed open the door to her apartment, but when she saw Hina sitting on the couch, her worries momentarily seemed unimportant. Hina was wearing a tight blue tank top and white shorts, which emphasized her physique.

I guess I really do have a thing for muscles, Yasu thought to herself as she slipped off her shoes. “I’m home.”

“Welcome back.” Hina’s voice lacked its usual energy, and Yasu immediately knew that something was wrong. Walking into the living room, she spotted an unopened can of low-alcohol beer on the end table next to where Hina was sitting.

“Where did you get this?” Yasu picked up the can. It was warm, meaning it had been sitting out for a long time.

“I just happened to notice it at the convenience store. Bought it on impulse, but I couldn’t bring myself to try it. What if it doesn’t taste like I remember?”

“Let me guess, this is the brand you used to drink with Claire?” Taking a seat next to Hina, she popped open the can and took a sip. Her face scrunched up. “Tastes pretty gross.”

“Hey, don’t trample on my memories like that.” Hina accepted the can from Yasu and took a swig. Her face scrunched up just like Yasu’s. “Ugh, it is gross, but I gotta admit, it tastes exactly like it did back then. I had forgotten how much I hated it.”

Taking the can back, Yasu set it aside and rested her head on Hina’s shoulder. “If you hated it so much, why did you drink it? Peer pressure?”

“You’re not gonna like the answer.”

“Because you wanted to impress Claire? Look, I know I kinda chewed your head off after you visited her, but I’m over it, really. I don’t want to be someone that you always have to be on guard around. From now on, you can tell me anything, even if… Even if it’s that you’d rather be with her than me.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re over it at all.”

“I’m just saying that you can be honest with me. Something’s obviously bothering you.”

“Ah, you noticed.” Hina leaned her head back, ran her free hand through her hair, and let out a big sigh. “The space program got put on hold again. My vacation got extended, possibly forever.”

“I heard about that. It’s a shame, but look on the bright side. We’ll have more time together.”

“That’s great, actually. It’s just… I’m never going back to space, am I? Even if the space program gets back on track, I get the feeling that the government wants to keep me grounded. They won’t even let me get in a T-38 anymore.”

“You want to go back? After everything we went through?”

“Well, I don’t want to get stuck again, but yeah. It was a lot of fun.”

“If that’s really what you want, I’ll pull some strings and get you assigned to a mission.”

A warm smile spread across Hina’s face, causing Yasu’s heart to flutter. Ah yes, Hina’s smile has always been the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s not right that the government wants to ruin her happiness, even if they feel like they need to do it. Then again, isn’t that what I did to my bullies? I’ve never thought twice about the people I hurt, but now that someone’s doing the same thing to Hina, I’m starting to feel bad about it. Maybe I should… No, one problem at a time. I need to figure out how to protect Hina’s smile first. There’s an obvious solution that I’ve been ignoring.

“Hey.” Yasu swung her legs onto the couch, moving her head to Hina’s lap, so she could look directly up at Hina’s face. “Do you find me physically attractive?”

Hina shifted uncomfortably under Yasu’s weight. “As long as we’re being honest, I do. I really, really do. It’s hard to hold myself back sometimes, but I know you find sex disgusting, and I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and if it’s with you, maybe I wouldn’t be grossed out.”

“Really?” Hina’s usual energy returned to her voice, wiping away the last of Yasu’s doubts. She loved Hina with all her heart, and would do anything to make her happy.

“Take me to bed.”

There was a breathy quality to her voice that surprised even Yasu, and before she realized what was happening, she found herself lifted into a princess carry. Hina wasted no time ferrying her to the bedroom, but she was as gentle as a warm breeze as she lay Yasu on the bed and climbed on top of her. Even with only dim lighting filtering in from the hallway, Yasu was transfixed at the sight of Hina lifting her tank top over her head. She was radiant and beautiful, and the look on her face was one of pure adoration.

I’ve never seen her look at anyone like that, not even the women in the photos. I’m so glad I get to see this side of her. This was the right choice.

She didn’t have long to lie back and observe. Leaning down, Hina initiated a long, passionate kiss before lifting Yasu’s arms so she could remove her top. As soon as there were no clothes separating them, Hina commenced their lovemaking in earnest, planting kisses all over Yasu’s body.

She’s rubbing against my leg, but it doesn’t bother me like I thought it would. In fact, it feels nice. Ohh, she’s good at this. Her caress is so gentle; it’s sending shocks throughout my entire body. Oh no…

Noticing tears falling from Yasu’s cheeks, Hina’s blood turned cold. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I—”

“You’ve done this before.”

Ahhhh, why did I say that out loud? I ruined everything. Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t want to make you sad, but I got jealous. Even though I thought I was over it. I never wanted to have sex in the first place, and I was ready to let you sleep with other women, so why the hell am I getting jealous now?

“That’s not true. You’re my first and only.”

“Liar! You’re too good. First times are supposed to be clumsy.”

“Really! Maybe it’s because I’ve thought a lot about what I would do if given the chance, or perhaps I’m just talented. You know, like how I aced all the Shuttle simulations on my first try.”

“That’s your excuse? Because you’re good at piloting spacecraft, you’re good at piloting women?”

“Well, they both involve flicking switches.”

Despite being upset, both with herself and with Hina, Yasu couldn’t help but laugh at the joke. It came out as a gurgle, and Yasu took a moment to collect herself. “I told you to be honest. I don’t need to know who it was, but don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not, but no matter how many times I protest, I know you’ll still doubt me. But you can believe this: I love you, Yasu, more than anyone. I always have, and I always will, so forgive me, OK?”

Unable to look at the pained expression on Yasu’s face any longer, Hina rolled over onto the other side of the bed and stared at the ceiling. There she lay, paralyzed with fear. JAXA’s ace pilot, who had twice bravely cheated death in low-Earth orbit, was afraid to look her girlfriend in the eye, afraid of what she might say, but also terrified to leave. If she walked out now, what would happen to their relationship?

“No, you’re not the one at fault. I already knew what you were like, and I should have prepared myself better. All those photos… You were bound to have a few successes.”

“Photos?”

Wrapping her arms around Hina’s head, Yasu pulled her into a hug, and then she told her everything that had transpired that day. For the first time in a long, long while, she finally felt that she was being honest with Hina, and although it was one weight off her shoulders, it didn’t make her feel much better. Reliving the events of the day was frustrating, and burdening Hina with them felt even worse.

The two of them stayed like that, locked in an embrace, quietly sobbing, until they fell asleep.

⁂

Yasu woke early the next morning. She’d had a nightmare about torturing the former JAXA director. No matter how she cut him, no matter how he screamed in pain, she had never gotten the cathartic release she had expected, and it had bothered her ever since. Now, after reliving it in her dreams, she couldn’t help but feel shame for her actions.

He deserved it for what he did to Hina, and she was far from the only girl he sexually harassed. I should feel much worse about Aoi, so why did I dream about him? Because I told myself I was doing it for Hina, but she wouldn’t have wanted that. I told Hina we should be honest with each other, but I can never admit to her what I did.

Slipping out of bed, she stumbled into the shower and let the water run over her.

There’s nothing I can do about that now. I need to salvage our relationship and build a happy future for Hina… even if I end up hurting others again. Even if I hurt myself again.

If I live to regret it, at least I’ll be alive.

Shutting off the shower, she toweled off and slipped back into the bedroom to change. When she left, the sun had not yet risen, but Yasu wasted no time on her way to an apartment complex in Neo Crystal Arakawa. She arrived just as the city’s dome began to glow red, bathed in the light of the rising sun, and knocked on the door. Claire’s roommate answered.

“Can I help you?”

“I need to talk to Claire, alone. Remove your bugs and get lost for a bit.”

“I don’t—”

“Let’s not play games. We’re both on the same side. I saw the photo you took of Hina and Claire. From the angle, it was obviously taken by someone sitting at the same table, and you were the only other person in the apartment. I’m under orders to clean up this mess, so just cooperate, OK?”

“This is what I hate about amateurs. You’re too honest, and you can’t do your own damn bug sweeps.” Stepping aside, she held the door open for Yasu to enter, then set to work removing the recording devices she had hidden around the apartment. When she left, she did Yasu one last favor and slammed the door loud enough that Claire would notice. A few seconds later, Claire, still in her pajamas, poked her head out of her bedroom.

“What’s—” When she saw Yasu, her face went white and her throat clammed up.

“Relax,” Yasu assured her. “I’m here to apologize, for real this time.”

“S-So you just showed up in my kitchen unannounced? Go away. I don’t need an apology, and I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

“Trust me, the feeling’s mutual, but we’ve got other business as well. You can either talk to me, or you can talk to the people in black suits, and I promise you, I’m much more pleasant.”

“I don’t know. At least they never threw anyone over a railing.”

“OK, your choice.” Yasu shrugged and started walking towards the front door.

“Wait. I’ll put on some tea.”

“Don’t bother. I won’t drink it.”

Unwilling to give an inch in front of Yasu, Claire marched into the kitchen and started the kettle, then, thinking of all the damage Yasu could do with boiling hot water, shut it off, poured a glass of tap, and placed it down on the kitchen table. Yasu pulled out a chair, and Claire sat across from her.

“Let’s get this over with,” Claire said, brushing a curly bang out of her eyes. “I’m sorry for rubbing dirt in your hair, and you’re sorry for rubbing blood in mine. Now we can go our separate ways and never see each other again. Except, of course, I’ll see you on the news, a constant reminder of my inferiority, but you won’t need to think about me.”

“If only it were that easy, but there’s still the matter of your relationship with Hina.”

“Is that what this is about? You came all the way down here to tell me to stay away from your girl?”

“Unfortunately, yes. If it were up to me, I would look the other way for the sake of Hina’s happiness. I wouldn’t like it, but I would accept it.”

“Ha. You think that makes you mature or something? To me, it sounds like you’re afraid of a real relationship.”

“Maybe I am.” Yasu hadn’t thought about it that way, but Claire made a good point. Perhaps she had been using that attitude as a shield to protect her from asserting what she really wanted from their relationship, and from accepting what Hina wanted.

“Look, I hate to break it to you, but you’re talking to the wrong person. You should be telling her to stay away from me. I don’t want to see her again after being locked in a cell for forty-seven days. I still have no idea what the point of that all was, and I fear if I ever learn the reason, they’ll disappear me for good, so you and Hina can both fuck right off, as far as I’m concerned.”

“That’s not what you told Hina the last time she came to visit, is it?”

“No, I told her that my boyfriend was coming over, and that she should leave…”

Yasu relaxed her shoulders. Maybe she’s telling the truth. According to her dossier, she hasn’t had a boyfriend for years. If she was lying to get Hina to leave, maybe she really doesn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore.

“…but she could hide in my closet and watch, if she wanted.”

“That’s exactly the relationship I’m talking about. You’ve got some kind of sick fetish for teasing her.”

“Fetish?! No, it’s revenge. I hate her almost as much as I hate you. She broke my heart. What’s wrong with making her suffer for it? Of course, I never would have started if I knew she was going to take it so hard that she fled to fucking JAXA, or that it would lead to the government abducting me in broad daylight, but hey, you ended up saving the world because of it. It’s kinda funny when you think about it like that. Mostly sad though.”

“Um, I was under the impression that you broke her heart.”

Claire’s mouth hung open, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard, and then she started laughing. “You’re both so dense. Is that what it takes to be a hoshinaut? Do you need a thick skull to survive in outer space? I oughta let the two of you stumble around in ignorance for the rest of your lives, but if it’ll get the government out of my hair, I’ll let you in on a little secret. She never once looked at me with the same fondness she looks at you. I was never her girlfriend: I was just your replacement, because she didn’t have the guts to kiss you.”

It was Yasu’s turn to be shocked. “Really?”

“Yeah, duuuh. Do you really think I would treat her that way if I liked her? You must watch too much anime. I’m not some kind of tsundere, or an elementary school boy bullying the girl he secretly likes. I’ve done nothing but try to hurt her, but the two of you couldn’t figure it out. Like I said, funny, right?”

“But mostly sad.” Yasu nodded her head. “Thanks, Claire. You may be a sorry bitch, but you didn’t deserve to get caught in the middle of that. I’ll make sure neither Hina nor the government bothers you again, as long as you don’t try to contact her.” Satisfied that they had an understanding, Yasu stood up and left the kitchen.

“I’m a sorry bitch?! Wow, you’re really good at this apologizing thing,” Claire called after her. “You should try it with Aoi. Just show up at her place unannounced and insult her. Bring a hammer with you. She’ll love that.”

But Yasu wasn’t listening to Claire anymore. She had more pressing concerns. As she rounded the corner from the kitchen, she saw Hina standing in the entryway, wearing the same tank top and shorts from the previous night. She had obviously thrown them on in a hurry, and from the sad, sheepish smile on her face, Yasu could tell she had heard everything. Before Claire could see her, Yasu rushed her out of the apartment, closing the door behind them.

They walked a couple blocks in silence before Yasu asked, “Did you follow me?”

“After last night, I was worried about you.”

“Thanks, but I’m fine. I just couldn’t stand to cry anymore, so I figured I’d get started clearing the air with all the women you propositioned.’

“I’m sorry. I never meant for things to turn out this way. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“This isn’t what I wanted either, and, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry things had to end that way with Claire. It must have hurt to hear her say that.”

Reaching out, Hina took Yasu’s hand and held it as they continued walking. “I’ll deal. In some ways, it’s a relief. Maybe now you’ll trust me that you are the person I’ve always loved.”

Yasu squeezed Hina’s hand reassuringly. “I still don’t believe you’re a virgin, but I think I understand your behavior a bit better now. Claire was very beautiful. If that’s what she looks like first thing in the morning, she must be a real knockout when she tries. Even I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to kiss her, until she reminded me how annoying she is.”

“You were physically attracted to someone?”

“Mm. There’s still some things I’m iffy about, but last night was actually pretty nice, at least at the start.”

“Does that mean we can try again?”

“It means you better watch out, because I’m going to come after you next time.”

“When? Tonight? Right now? There’s a love hotel just down the block.”

Yasu couldn’t help but wonder why Hina knew that. Her jealousy, it seemed, was still a problem. Hina realized she had messed up when Yasu let go of her hand.

“Not today,” Yasu said. “I still need time to process some things. Wait for me, OK?”

“I’ll wait for as long as it takes. I love you, Yasu.”

“I know you do. I love you too, Hina.”