Chapter 23:
The Hoshinauts
Things were difficult for Yasu after Hina left. Although her bullies stopped messing with her, Yasu was emotionally devastated after parting ways with her only friend. Hina had promised she would write, or call, or something, but weeks went by with no contact. Yasu knew she was being selfish, that Hina was probably training from early morning to late night, but she couldn’t help but feel that she had been discarded.
Depression set in, and it began to affect her life. Her grades slipped, and she responded by locking herself in the room she used to share with Hina for days at a time, too embarrassed to face anyone. When forced to emerge for food, she could hear the others whispering about how she had become a useless hikikomori, so she kept her gaze glued to the floor, unable to look any of them in the eyes.
One evening, she heard footsteps running down the hallway. As the group passed by her room, she managed to overhear one of them exclaim, “It’s Hina!” Jumping up, she bolted out of the room so quickly that she almost collided with a younger boy at the back of the group. She followed them to the first-floor common room, where everyone was crowded around the television. Yasu’s heart sank. Hina wasn’t here, she was on TV. Even so, she wasn’t going to miss a chance to hear her voice, so she found a spot near the back of the crowd.
Clad in a blue jumpsuit, Hina sat at the end of a long table, along with three other girls. She was more dazzling than Yasu remembered. No, she was shining more brightly than she ever had at the orphanage. The smile on her face brimmed with genuine excitement, the kind of smile she used to have, but which Yasu noticed had been replaced with a poor imitation a few days before she left for JAXA.
“How does it feel to be the youngest hoshinaut ever to be selected for a mission?” a reporter asked her. Yasu couldn’t believe what she had heard. Candidates had to train for an entire year before they were even considered for a mission. Hina had done something truly amazing.
“It’s wonderful,” Hina answered. “Just months ago, I never thought someone like me could be a hoshinaut. I’m really thankful to everyone who saw my potential and gave me the opportunity to grow.”
Potential. Growth. Hadn’t Hina said something along those lines before she left? That’s right, she’d told Yasu that, as long as she was around, Yasu wouldn’t grow to her full potential.
“Do you have any advice for anyone looking to follow in your footsteps?” the reporter followed up.
“Not everyone can be a hoshinaut,” Hina said, “but if you never push yourself to try something, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.”
It was a generic, feel-good answer that she had been instructed to give, but at the time, Yasu couldn’t help but feel she was speaking directly to her. Immediately, she felt ashamed of how she had spent the last three months. Hina had told her to grow stronger, but she had done the opposite, all while Hina pulled further ahead. If she wanted to be with Hina, she needed to work even harder than her friend to catch up. She didn’t have time for shame. She needed to get going, now.
Turning to leave, she came face to face with Aoi. After weeks of poor sleep, malnutrition, and isolation, Yasu had forgotten her name, but it didn’t matter now regardless. Yasu knew she had no time to waste with her bullies if she wanted to catch up to Hina. In her mind, this girl was no longer a human with agency, but an obstacle to be overcome. As she tried to push past, Aoi stuck her leg out to trip Yasu. Resigning herself to the fall, Yasu hit the floor with a quiet thud and scrambled away. There was no point in making a scene. Not only would it be a waste of time, but the caretakers never took sides unless they saw it happen themselves.
After a nutritious meal and a quick bath, Yasu returned to her room, tied a hachimaki around her forehead, and began studying. JAXA only took orphans smart enough to be trusted with equipment worth trillions of yen. They needed to demonstrate a solid grasp of math and physics, the ability to follow directions, and a talent for learning archaic languages. Hina had proved her worth in the simulators, and by testing out of middle school at age twelve.
Yasu was certain that she could learn the material, but she feared that following in Hina’s footsteps may not be impressive enough. Hina hadn’t been chosen for her intelligence alone, but for her intuition and physical strength, neither of which Yasu could match. Passing the entrance exam for an elite university would show JAXA she was worth recruiting, but she wasn’t confident she could pull it off.
“If you never push yourself to try something, you’ll never know what you’re capable of,” Hina’s words repeated in Yasu’s mind, lighting a fire in her belly. She would never grow to her full potential if she constrained herself.
For the next six months, Yasu pushed herself every waking minute. She woke up early, snuck into the kitchen, cooked the day’s three meals, threw them in her backpack, and went for a brisk morning jog. Upon arriving at school, she’d shower, change, and go directly to the library to study. At first, the teachers attempted to get her to go to class, but she ignored them, continuing to study while they shouted increasingly desperate threats at her. Eventually, they shrugged their shoulders and ignored her in turn. In the afternoon, she would go to the gym to lift weights. The gym teachers, impressed by her dedication, looked the other way, and even occasionally spotted for her. After the school closed, she’d return home, lock herself in her room, and study until she fell asleep.
There were difficulties along the way, but she quickly dealt with them. Elite universities weren’t willing to let her take an examination spot, so she had to aim for the national university entrance exams instead. Those cost money, which she didn’t have, so some of her precious studying time was sacrificed to write scholarship applications. After a few weeks of studying on her own, she found that her progress in Russian was too slow, so she pulled the public records of Soviets who had been granted asylum in the city, and visited each of them until she found an old man who spoke Russian.
It didn’t take long for the other kids to pick up on what she was doing. At first, her bullies mocked her for wanting to see Hina so badly, but when their insults failed to faze her, they tried to beat her at her own game. If wimpy Yasu could do it, they could too. They quickly found that, with neither dedication nor a plan, they had no way of keeping up with her, and their frustration turned to pure malice.
A week before the exam, Aoi confronted her on the second floor landing. Gina and Camille were busy making a mess of Yasu’s room, and it was her job to delay Yasu until they were finished. When Yasu attempted to walk past her, she moved to place herself in Yasu’s path.
“Move,” Yasu grunted, grabbing the girl’s shoulder and pushing her against the wall. Aoi stuck her leg out to try to trip Yasu as she walked past, but Yasu stepped over it and kept walking. Undeterred, Aoi ran up and shoved Yasu from behind. She was surprised to find that Yasu’s once frail and soft upper back was now broad and firm. Worse, Yasu hadn’t acknowledged her action at all. She didn’t stumble or look back. She just kept walking.
It was then that Aoi realized that Yasu actually had a shot at succeeding. Even if JAXA didn’t take her, her world was expanding, and the bullies who once played such a large part in her life may as well no longer exist.
Just like they no longer existed to Hina.
Like Hell, Aoi thought, gritting her teeth. It’s bad enough she was Hina’s favorite, but now she’s going to be the only one of us to join her? I always thought she was just lucky, but maybe she deserved to be by Hina’s side this whole time. No, never. I won’t allow it. I’ll do whatever it takes to drag her down, even if I go down with her.
Yasu’s mistake was turning her back on an enemy; Aoi’s mistake was grabbing Yasu by the end of her long hair. If she had grabbed Yasu closer to her scalp, she would have had better control over her. Instead, Yasu was able to turn far enough to elbow the bully in the side until she released her.
“Leave me alone,” Yasu demanded, turning to face Aoi.
A smug smile formed on Aoi’s lips. Yasu had acknowledged her, validating her actions. All she had to do was push a little more, and Yasu would crumble. Nobody changed that quickly. Surely, Yasu was just acting tough as a strategy to stop the bullying. Once she realized it wasn’t going to work, she’d start bawling her eyes out like usual.
“Make me,” she challenged.
The next thing she knew, she was stumbling backwards. Yasu had shoved her hard enough to cause her to lose balance, and before she could regain it, Yasu pushed her again, and she tumbled backwards to the floor. Looking up, she was met with a cold, determined stare from Yasu. There was no fear in her eyes, but there was a hint of disdain. From those eyes, she could tell exactly what Yasu was feeling. After all, she used to feel the exact same way about Yasu.
“D-don’t look at me like that,” Aoi stammered. “Don’t you dare look at me like that!”
Returning to her feet, she charged at Yasu, who stepped to the side and stuck her leg out at the last second, sending Aoi back to the floor. Though she didn’t let it show, Yasu enjoyed doing that. It was far past time the bully got a taste of her own medicine. Aoi didn’t see it that way though, and was back up in a flash, only for Yasu to grab a fistful of her hair, at the root. Instinctively, Aoi rose up on the balls of her feet, attempting to alleviate the pain, but this only made it easier for Yasu to pull her back towards the landing.
With one final check to make sure there were no witnesses, Yasu thrust her arm to the side, tossing Aoi down the stairs. The cacophony of loud thumps as she tumbled down the steps and crashed into the railing attracted the attention of a nearby caregiver, who ran over to see if she was injured.
“How many times do I have to tell you kids to be careful on the stairs?” the caregiver sighed, once she confirmed that nothing was broken.
“It wasn’t me,” Aoi protested, pointing to the landing. “She did it.”
But there was nobody in sight. Yasu had taken advantage of the loud noises to cover the sound of her footsteps as she sprinted back to her room. She hadn’t stayed to see for herself if Aoi survived the fall. She’d already wasted too much time on her, and to be honest, she didn’t care one way or the other.
It was a sentiment she’d come to regret when she grew up, but at the time, she firmly believed that she needed to focus on only what was absolutely necessary to succeed, and to cut everything else from her life, including compassion.
Arriving at her room, she found the mess the other bullies had made, but it didn’t matter. She stepped gently over the objects on the floor, picked up her chair, and set to studying. With only a week before the test, she had already learned everything she thought it might cover, and was focused on reviewing as much of it as she could. She felt confident, though, confident enough to dedicate half an hour a night to watching instructional self-defense videos.
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It didn’t take long for Yasu’s test scores to make their way to JAXA’s recruitment office. The PR heads in OCOMM practically wept tears of joy when they learned that their young ace’s childhood friend potentially had the qualifications to become a hoshinaut. Hell, it didn’t matter if she met the physical requirements or not. Passing the university entrance exam at age thirteen was impressive enough on its own. They needed to act fast to secure her before the universities learned of her. The press coverage she would create was too valuable, not to mention the storylines they could manufacture around the two of them would keep JAXA in the public consciousness for years.
And so, mere days after the test, Yasu emerged from her room with a blue jumpsuit on her back and a small bag full of her most precious possessions tucked under her arm. There was a car waiting outside to take her to the airdock, and the entire orphanage had assembled out front to see her off.
Everyone, that was, except her three dedicated bullies, who were waiting right outside her room. Aoi flinched at Yasu’s sudden appearance, but then stood straight and looked Yasu in the eyes.
“You can’t go,” she growled. Yasu was about to ignore her and push past when she saw that the girl had a hammer in her hands. “JAXA won’t take a girl with smashed up fingers.”
“You wouldn’t go that far,” Yasu scoffed.
“I don’t want to hear that from you!” Aoi shouted. “You threw me down the fucking stairs. You could have broken my neck!” Yasu didn’t doubt that she was upset enough to go through with it, but the others were glancing at each other nervously. This was a large escalation of violence compared to their usual antics.
Taking advantage of their hesitation, Yasu grabbed Gina by the arm and threw her into Camille, knocking them both to the floor. She quickly advanced on Aoi, who raised the hammer up threateningly, only for Yasu to grab her arm with one hand, and with the other, strike Aoi’s face with her palm. She hit hard enough to break Aoi’s nose and bust her upper lip open, causing blood to splatter all over her hand. Surprised by the sudden pain, Aoi dropped the hammer. Gina reached for it, but Yasu, after tossing Aoi away, kicked Gina hard in the side.
As she bent to retrieve the hammer, however, Aoi tackled her from behind, but not with enough force to knock Yasu off her feet. With as much strength as she could manage, Yasu thrust herself backwards, slamming Aoi into the wall. Gina was back on her feet now, but Yasu swung the hammer into her arm, and with a shriek of pain, Gina fled down the hallway, followed close behind by Camille.
To Yasu’s surprise, Aoi began laughing. “You’re fucked now. Forget JAXA. They’re going to send you to juvie for what you did to her.”
“Freeing herself from Aoi’s grip, Yasu walked towards the stairs, hammer in hand. “You don’t get it. Keeping myself safe from injury is part of my job now. If anything, you’re the one who’s going to be in trouble for attacking a valuable government asset.”
“I’ll go to the news,” Aoi called after her. “I’ll show them our injuries. There will be a public outcry. They’ll have to fire you.”
Their discussion was interrupted by the director, who appeared at the top of the staircase and ran towards Yasu, but stopped when Yasu pointed the hammer at her.
“You won’t say anything,” Yasu said, as much to the director as Aoi. “The government has complete control over mass communication. If you try to smear me, I guarantee the government won’t be as gentle as I just was.”
The director tried to back away as Yasu approached, but she wasn’t fast enough, and Yasu pushed her aside, one last bit of revenge for the years of neglecting her bullying problem. This left an opening for Aoi, who ran after Yasu, catching up to her at the top of the staircase. With one smooth motion, Yasu turned, grabbed Aoi, and threw her.
Not down the stairs this time—over the railing.
Screaming, Aoi landed on her back on the ground floor. A few of the kids who were waiting just outside rushed to Aoi’s side, Claire among them. She looked up when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs, and saw Yasu, blood all over her hands and clothing, carrying a hammer.
She’s taking revenge before she leaves. That sole thought reverberated through Claire’s mind, and she tried to run, but her legs were frozen in terror. To her relief, Yasu walked right past, not even bothering to check if Aoi had survived the fall. Relief flooded her body, and Claire sank to her knees, but the sudden movement and sound caught Yasu’s attention, and she turned her head towards Claire.
As with Aoi, Yasu no longer remembered Claire’s name. She was completely unimportant, neither a benefit nor a hindrance to her plans, and Yasu had burned all unimportant things from her mind. Except…
She still remembered how Claire had ground the dirt into her hair, how she had giggled and blushed when Hina came running over to put a stop to it. She still remembered the obviously fake apology that had passed Claire’s lips, and the way she had buddied up to Hina afterwards. Those memories had not burned away. At that moment, they were more detailed than ever in Yasu’s mind.
Why do I care? Yasu thought to herself. Anything unrelated to JAXA is unimportant. No, that’s wrong. JAXA’s only important because Hina’s there. This memory is important because it’s about Hina.
Reaching her bloodied hand out, she mussed the hair atop Claire’s head, then slid it down the side of her face, wiping off as much blood as she could.
“Sorry.” If Yasu’s hands had been free, she would have made air quotes, but the tone of her voice and the smirk on her face conveyed her sarcasm perfectly without them. It was the last thing she said to anyone at the orphanage. After that display, no one dared speak as Yasu walked out the front door and handed the hammer to a very confused JAXA employee.
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