Chapter 1:

dear senpai

senpai blocked me so I'm killing myself

I'm not sure why I got blocked because I have never done anything bad to you. We have never even talked even though I've left you so many messages. If you wanted me to stop you should've told me. Instead of telling me you just blocked me and I'm very sad, and I can't live anymore. This wouldn't have happened if you've talked to me instead of blocking me. That's a lesson you should learn for the future or more people will kill themselves. 

Before I do it though I wanted to say that I've loved you since the day we met.  You probably don't remember, but we did, four months, two days, five hours and (as of the time of me writing this) thirty-two minutes ago. It might seem like I'm lying but the reason why the timing is weird is because I'm writing this late. It's okay, though, I adjusted the clock so that I'd get the time right, and I love you.

I love you.

Obviously you would've known this if you hadn't blocked me because I told you that every day. Why? Because you needed to be told that. When other people did, you didn't believe them, so it was basically the same thing as nobody telling you that, so that's something we have in common. You're always surrounded by people, though. Is that being ungrateful? On your end, I mean. I love you. If I was surrounded by people I'd feel very loved and wouldn't be killing myself, but I guess if you have it all then you appreciate nothing. 

What I also want to say aside from the fact you'll have blood in your hands soon and basically be a murderer is that you should appreciate what you have in life more. You'll be happier that way, and someday you'll believe in I love yous. I hope you believe in mine because I'm literally killing myself because of you, or maybe you're killing me with indifference? Also, I attached some of my love on the bag next to the letter. Wash your hands after you open it. You can add it to your food or drink if you want. You can carry it around as a memento. You can think of it as a reminder that you were loved once, and could've been loved forever if you hadn't been so terrible to me.

It's nothing bad, by the way. Relax. 

That's what this whole letter is meant to say: relax. That, and I love you.

Life is beautiful. Next time you think that nobody loves you and that you're alone, look out the window, at the sky. Clouds look beautiful during the sunset. Sometimes they look beautiful right before, right after, as though heaven was a canvas and an abstract painting. If that doesn't cheer you up, try going outside while it rains. I mean it: while it rains. There's a mild, almost bitter scent whenever that happens, and I love it. Coffee compliments it quite well. I think tea does, too, but only if it's strong enough. Also, don't add sugar or milk to either thing. You'll ruin it. Instead of masking the bitterness, learn to appreciate it. See? Imagine if you hadn't blocked me. You'd get so many good life lessons. But no. You'll be a murderer soon and my parents will cry. 

I'm kidding about the murderer part, by the way. I don't think you'd feel guilty since you try so hard not to feel anything, so you'll just tell yourself that you had nothing to do with it, until someday you can't do so anymore. Sometimes that happens. It's not a drop that tipped the glass is what I mean. It's like we put a lid on top of it so nothing comes in or out, but one day there's a change in the surrounding atmosphere, so the pressure increases and the glass explodes. Yeah, it's like that, basically, for both of us. I don't think I'm important enough to be a change in atmosphere so that's why I'm kidding, though I'd like it if my parents cried. Would you? I don't know anything about your parents because they're never home from what I could see, so maybe you would, too, but in your case it's because you don't like them because they turned you into weaponized glass while in my case it's because I love them and I'd cry if they died so obviously I wished they'd do the same for me, but it's okay because I also sent them a letter saying you made me do it so they don't think they had any fault on the subject. Why? Because I love them. I'm very considerate to the people I love, you included, which is why I'm giving you all the life lessons I wish I could've before.

Anyway, it's getting late and I want to do it during the sunset. I'll be at the top of the school building waiting for you. You should bring coffee or tea. I think it might rain... is that a good or bad thing? It might ruin the canvas, or it might be one of those times where clouds are sparse, so there's red and orange and pink among the gray. You have an hour and two minutes (as of the time of me writing this) before I jump. I'll also jump if we don't start dating. See you soon, I hope. I don't want to die. Don't add sugar to my drink.

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