Chapter 1:

No Right Answer

No Right Answer

“How can you know how I’m feeling?!”

Understanding the person with an opposite experience was never an easy task for anyone, including myself. To grasp the piece of their mind you need to first walk in their shoes.

Wherever you have looked, there was a sad image of life going wrong. Like a snowball balling through a dirty path, it’s hard to stop it once it accelerates. It will eventually stop – breaking to pieces by the impact with obstruction.

Seeing so many snowballs falling apart, made you hate life.

“What’s the point of living if you know only suffering?”

Shame that you cannot see the bigger image, deathseeker.

The ability to feel emotions it’s what makes you alive. Whether it’s good or bad – it doesn’t matter. The sole fact is enough.

Who could you be without that? Dead? That would make you happy, right?

Unfortunately for you, people are driven by emotions. We’re making such stupid mistakes because our heart's beating is much louder than the voice of reasoning. And its happiness is more fulfilling than peace of mind.

You know that, don’t you? No matter how you’re trying to hide it behind your stoic face, you know I’m right.

“It’s very easy to say such things when you’ve never experienced what I did.”

True, I didn’t, but I saw so many deaths I got used to the smell of rotting corpses.

Executions, suicides, slow death from wounds or sickness – it was all happening daily. I had the misfortune of being born in a country named eternal battlefield – war never ended there. You never knew if tomorrow would ever come to you. Hence people were living their lives to the fullest, but not everyone was like that.

Thanatos had a bountiful reap during that time.

You may find this odd – hearing from me words which normally cause Eros's followers’ revulsion. Such is life, full of surprises.

“Going through such trauma, shouldn’t you seek peace in death? Your path was a bumpy one, aren’t you tired of it? Don’t you want to end this?”

The end is what concerns me the most, I fear.

I once doubted everything. If it’s worth moving on or not since we will all die at some point. I’ve already felt the dark claws ready to grasp me, but they drew away from me. Or rather, the incandescent curtain did it.

There are so many things I want to do,” I thought.

Death is inevitable, but it can wait. Life, on the other hand, won’t. It will leave you behind if you don’t keep up with it.

Yes, it is brutal and very unfair. But there are moments when you’re grateful for being alive to experience them. I’ve had a moment like that. Such a beautiful and heart-thrilling view was worth all the pain.

“What was it?”

The night was trying to match the day. And I thought the starry sky was breathtaking...

“I don’t understand. How can one look at the night sky be enough to erase the years of piled anguish?”

I’ve never said it disappeared, it’s still on the back of my head. I just could forget about it for a second. Forget about the world and everything around you.

Some scars don’t heal, they look awfully bad, but you have to learn to live with them for your peace of mind. Nitpicking every single bruise and wound, even the smallest ones, will only deteriorate your already fragile mind.

“But I can’t forget what made them...”

You don’t have to forget it, just turn your head. If you keep looking behind your back, you won’t see what’s in front of you.

What happened has happened, you can’t change the past. It became a part of yesterday, but today you can make changes for a better tomorrow.

“Yet, do I have a force I need to break from these chains of misery? Actually, nevermind, their weight is pinning me down to the ground so much I can’t look up to the sky.”

Do you want me to lift them a bit? It should make it easier for you to release yourself.

“Why would you-"

I don’t bear my whole emotional baggage on my shoulders – I gave small parts of it to people who offered me help with it.

Don’t bear this weight yourself, dear. Share it with the others, it will be much easier for you,” I’ve been told once.

Don’t be afraid to seek help. A small addition to already crushing you baggage could break you, while others wouldn’t even notice its weight on themselves.

“I – I don’t think I’m ready yet – for such a big change.”

One small step forward is always a step forward, right? Acknowledging your weakness is never a bad thing as you’re aware of the problem. Then, you can work on improving whatever you want to improve.

How you will do it – that’s up to you.

I must admit that not many people have the courage to do what you just did. But is it wrong? They’re masters of their fate and it’s up to them how they will live.

As there is no right answer to how you should live. 

When The Night Matches The Day

No Right Answer

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