Trade and Anchor

***

"Another failure..." I sighed

Many things were running through my head as I walked on the slightly snow-covered footpath aimlessly. Just how many interviews had I failed at this point? It has been quite a few months since I graduated.

Skills?

 I would like to think I am pretty good... at least above your average guy. But as luck would have it, the series of failures is never-ending.

Am I talking about the interviews only?

No. It has been like this since childhood. I don't have any talent, hard work never works, and my luck never fails to impress me. From simple failures to getting into accidents at some of the most important times of life. Even the other day my parents died in an accident on my graduation day.

Happiness? Sadness? Regret? I got numb to all of this at one point. It feels like anything I would do will end up in failure anyway.

"Why am I going on with this?"

While recapping my not-so-awesome life, I ended up coming quite far. Darkness was spreading in the sky. There was an overpass in front of me. No, that isn't the important detail. A girl was standing on it leaning on the railing. High School Girl? College Girl? I don't know but she was probably younger than me.

There weren't many people around but I wonder if they could tell from her face. Yeah, it was a face screaming 'I have given up'. Was she going to jump when a truck comes? Probably. I decided to pay her a visit.

"You aren't going to stop me?" She said in a meek voice. She probably got tired of me just standing beside her and staring blankly ahead (just like her) while drinking coffee from the can in my hand.

"No. Do you want me to?"

"Well... I thought you would try."

There was a pause of silence.

"Then what are you here for? Going to jump with me?"

That proposal came out of nowhere and well... it didn't sound bad at all.

"Hmm... Maybe I will."

"I see..."

"But well... I have lived so far somehow. Maybe I can get through the rest of this too."

Was it truly what I was thinking? I guess not.

"So you will or you won't?"

"I don't know."

Another silence. Then she gave a small sigh.

"I guess I will put this off for now." She said walking away. "Don't you go bungee jumping from here now without me." I guess she also knew that I wasn't exactly happy with this life.

I simply raised the hand holding the can in response. Had I saved her or pushed her into more suffering? Was it better for her to just jump or not? Is death truly freedom or a bad thing? If it means I don't have to put up with this useless life then it should be freedom, shouldn't it?

Well, the matter of fact was that someone who might have died today was alive now. Suddenly thought ran through my head.

Voice of God?

Whispering of Devil?

Or angels telling me to fulfill the duty?

If someone who was supposed to die is alive now doesn't that mean someone else can die now? That is how a trade works isn't it?

It was stupid but maybe I was just trying to justify my suicide. Is there any point in me living anyway?  It's not like I was contributing anything to this world or society.

Unfair Life.

Unfair Luck.

Unfair God.

Doubt it would change.

All my life and feelings suddenly started to catch up with me. My thoughts were a mess. Any second I would have jumped...

But I didn't.

I suddenly remembered the words the girl said before leaving. Don't know why but they stopped me, acting like some kind of anchor, stopping me from taking a leap toward the apparent freedom.

"I guess I will put it off too." Shaking off these thoughts with a sigh I started moving towards my apartment too.

A few moments later, I was standing on a crossing waiting for the light to turn green.

I guess I lived.

A toast to this continued suffering.

Thoughts like these were in my head now.

I heard something that felt like tires slipping. I turned in that direction to see a car coming towards us. Probably slipped due to snow.

Another thing I saw was the same girl as before standing beside me. Either I was too occupied with my thoughts to notice her or she just came a few moments ago.

Suddenly for some reason that stupid thought started making a lot of sense.

It felt like someone just whispered in the ear: "Let's complete the trade, shall we?"

With a "Sure" leaving my mouth, I pushed the girl aside and the car collided with me.

The anchor broke.

A message popped up on the cracked screen of the mobile lying nearby.

"Congratulations! You have passed the inter..."