Memories, Death, and Meeting a god

They say you get back what you give to the world, though; until today, I was never quite sure if it was true or false. As a child, I’ve made some crappy life choices; attempted murder, attempted arson, petty theft, to name a few. I was not a good guy throughout my childhood. As a result, I spent much of my life in and out of psychiatric hospitals that didn't help me much. I used them as an escape from my family over the years. You see, I grew up in a less-than-stellar family at the time. My father was a sexual predator, and my mother was a manipulative witch too. Of course, I'm going to end up with a few screws loose from childhood like that.

Yet, it would be quite remiss of me to say therapy didn’t help. With the techniques I learned, I recovered from some of the trauma. Without help, you could say my life was a horror show. As for psychiatrists? Let’s say I was once prescribed a lethal overdose. I wound up more drugged than a circus animal, along with many misdiagnoses.

When my family and I moved across the country, after which I wound up homeschooled. I was only 13 at the time when I should have been getting into the most social years of my life. Which led to me lacking social skills and the ability to deal with stress. I was also traumatized, not 20 hours after moving in on New Year's Eve, thanks weather. Who knew tornadoes could happen in the middle of winter? That didn’t help my mental instability. Not long after that, I made my second murder attempt.

Now, I wouldn't blame you if you labeled me the bad guy, the villain of this story with that in mind. Truth is, there were times that I called myself a monster too. The way i see it, we as sentient beings, get molded by our environments. Environments that we were born and raised in are something we cannot control. Now, I wouldn't blame you if you labeled me the bad guy, the villain of this story with that in mind. Truth is, there were times that I called myself a monster too. The way I see it, we as sentient beings, get molded by our environments. Environments that we were born and raised in are something we cannot control.

One day soon after I turned 14, I decided to change, even though it never quite took hold. Looking back, it's as if I had a bad habit of self-sabotage. I suppose you may be wondering why I've been speaking in the past tense. That, my friend, is because it seems my life ended quite an abrupt way today. Allow me to explain how it all unfolded. Oh, right, I almost forgot to introduce myself. My name was Alen Schinzel.

Allow me to roll things forward a little over a decade to the day I died. It was 13 days after my birthday on the 27th of September, now 28. I finished my morning routine. I put on a nice little navy-blue suit, and a red tie, and drank my usual hot cinnamon milk tea in the morning. I was making the effort to stop being a NEET and stop relying on my disability income. I’ve been struggling with the ever-worsening economy. My depression was spiking more. My self-induced isolation has led to rather severe social anxiety. The very thought of turning my life around for the better wrought a spark of hope in my heart.

That day was my fifth interview for the week. I had zero expectations and was hoping for it to work out. I planned out my route like I always did. , I relied on the tram for transportation, but today, fate had other plans. Missing the tram led me to hail a taxi, but my wallet seemed determined to oppose my goals. The cab driver looked uncomfortable as they rejected my inadequate fair. This left me feeling dejected. Was the universe conspiring against me; throwing obstacle after obstacle in my path? Left with no choice, I trudged toward the bus stop. I usually avoid the bus due to my less-than-stellar social skills. The job interview, once I finally arrived, was no less forgiving. The rejection, which stung like salt in an open wound, left me with a heavy heart.

I stood at the bus's entrance, paid my fare, then scanned for a vacant seat. I sought solitude on the crowded bus. I saw two empty rows and headed toward them without hesitation. On my way, I locked eyes with a woman roughly my age, around 26. There was a magnetic quality to her that drew my attention—a mixture of wonder and admiration. I hesitated, unsure about approaching someone like her. My past had left me in a perpetual state of self-consciousness. Still, one can always dream.

I took my seat, put on my headphones, and let my favorite pop and rock songs carry me into a comforting daydream. The melodies provided a comforting cocoon, shielding me from the world's harsh judgments. As the bus's engine hummed, and the cityscape rushed past, I lost myself in the music. The lyrics and rhythms became my comforting companions.

As time passed, it turned into a crowded bus, and the vacant seats around me filled. I couldn't help but release a subtle sigh, gazing out of the window. I was quite gloomy, but life has its twists and turns. Sometimes they throw you for a loop, in the most direct sense of the word.

It was amid this reverie that fate, as capricious as ever, decided to make its grand entrance. 

***

It happened right as we were about to pass the old rails for a freight train. An explosion happened to the left of the bus, and when I looked that way, I saw a massive freight train and its cargo bearing down on us. I heard screams, gunshots, and yells. A split second later, Impact. The burning mass of rusting metal crushed the middle of the bus; crushing everyone under it, including me. In my final moments, I heard another explosion, and my vision had already faded. Just before my consciousness faded, I wondered, what would my life be like, had I been born with any kind of potential at all? Then the shadows finally crushed what was left of my mind and I passed on. 

In that case, I will allow you to find out for sure. 

Eh? Am I not dead? I swear I just died though? What the hell is going on here? I think back to what I just went through, tilting my head curiously. No, I’m rather confident I died, so is this some kind of isekai shit? Isn’t that only a novel and anime thing though? I open my eyes and glance around.

The place I appeared to be in reminded me of some kind of office space. A handful of objects were scattered throughout the room. Shelves filled with books in languages ranging from English to Japanese, and many that were clearly not native to earth. A desk seemed to be tucked away on one end of the room, topped by papers, and what looked like a floating crystal lamp. Above the desk, I saw something like a see-through screen from some Sci-fi fantasy anime. On that screen was the news covering the tragic accident that ended the lives of four people. two men, one 28, the other 45, and two women. 26, the other 13. The pictures of the deceased flashed on the screen for a moment. It was me, the lady at the back of the bus, and two others I didn’t recognize. Apparently, the cause of the accident was a turf war that broke out between two rival criminal factions as the train passed by. The train was blown clean off the rails and hit the bus as we passed by.

As you can see, you have passed away. You will be granted another shot at life. Several worlds across multiple dimensions would suit you. You will be reincarnated into the world you choose. 

Again, with this weird voice echoing in my head, stop and let me collect myself for a moment will ya? I don’t mean to be rude whoever you are, but a lot just happened ya know? What is this place, anyway? I looked around for whoever was speaking into my head and my eyes found a nondescript-looking person. They had an ethereal quality to them, yet at the same time, seemed generic. The being’s sex was dubious, and their voice was androgynous.

This is the divine realm. The domain of the gods is often referred to as Heaven, Valhalla, Nirvana, Elysium, and the Underworld. Here are your options for multiversal reincarnation. You will be granted ten options. You must choose one, I will give you some time to decide. 

Thank you, so you would be one of the gods then, correct?  

Not quite, I am simply an underling of one of the various gods of death. You could call me the Administrator of Reincarnation. I have run an evaluation scan of your potential aptitudes. Here are the ten optimal dimensions to help you achieve a better result in your next life. You will be reincarnated into a random world in the dimension you choose. 

I see, thank you. I accepted the ten pamphlets, resembling “travel brochures.” I didn’t travel much, but I always found foreign cultures interesting and wanted to see the world. Well guess I better check out what these pamphlets say. I checked out the first one, it appears to be some kind of magical spacefaring dimension, with demon lords and the whole nine yards. The second one wasn’t all that interesting, but seemed to be a furry dreamland, the dominant race in this dimension seemed to resemble anthropomorphic animals. The third one gave me an interesting vibe, I could literally define it as, a vampire wonderland. The fourth dimension caught my eye. As I read about it in more detail, apparently there were various races across this dimension. A race resembling anime kitsune was apparently royalty on one planet, and on another, elves ruled the kingdom. In the center of the various mono-race kingdoms, there were apparently several planets divided into smaller kingdoms. To an extent, it seemed to be a blend of all of the different dimensions. So, I asked the admin about it. 

That dimension is unique in that it is the original land that was created by the lost goddess of creation. Essentially this dimension is ground zero for all creation and where the first gods were born. Hence, all races exist throughout this dimension. Space travel is also relatively common in this dimension. Some races can also freely travel from this dimension into others at will. 

Now that was an interesting tidbit of information. Apparently, a goddess was lost? So, I guess gods can die after all, huh. This dimension sounds perfect to me honestly, but I want to keep looking. As I browse for a while longer, my impatience gets to me. So, I made up my mind by playing with fate. I had the admin take the pamphlets and mix them up, and then randomly I picked one with my eyes closed. What am I? An idiot? Yes, yes, I am. I am a spontaneous moron who has coasted through life from birth to death. Got something to say? Oh, whatever. Now to pick entirely at random which dimension I shall be reborn in. And the moment I do, everything fades to black.

I probably should have taken it a bit more seriously but hey, it is what it is. I trust my luck whenever I do something for the first time, as it seemingly always goes well. All that’s left is to see what my next life is like. Perhaps I might just have a good environment this time.

*** 

As an administrator, I've witnessed my fair share of mortals. They often stumble through their existence, blissfully unaware of the weight of their actions and the significance of their choices. This soul, the one who met his end on that ill-fated bus, was no exception. Nothing more than a lost human seeking their redemption.

What intrigued me the most about this mortal was not his foolishness, though that was abundant, but rather the potential that lay dormant within him. His aptitudes, those innate abilities that were often the driving force behind a soul's journey, were an enigma. They hinted at a reservoir of untapped power waiting to be unleashed if only he found himself in the right dimension and under the right circumstances. It was a tantalizing prospect, and I couldn't help but be curious about the developments that lay ahead in his new story.

Mortals, in their fragility and unpredictability, were akin to dolls in my eyes. They were toys to be played with, manipulated, and observed. Each of their stories was unique, and I relished the opportunity to influence their paths. This mortal, however, seemed to have stumbled upon a world that held promise. A world where his choices, foolish as they may be, could lead to unexpected outcomes.

And so, as the administrator overseeing his transition into this new realm, I couldn't resist the temptation to play a little prank on him. After all, what is existence without a touch of mischief?  A mischievous chuckle escaped me as I contemplated the possibilities. This mortal, unaware of the strings I could pull behind the scenes, was about to embark on a journey filled with surprises, challenges, and perhaps even a few twists of fate. It was a story that promised to be very interesting indeed, and I couldn't wait to see how it would unfold.