I puked

"Is that you, Ruru? what a coincidence. I was just going to record something quick and dirty in this studio and you're here."

Her name is Lisa, she is one of my colleague back when I was in uni, and now she is a rising idol for I don't know why, her songs is not even that good, but who am I but a small musician with barely any popularity.

"So, how do you do? how about your songs, does any of them have charted yet? or you just stuck in your way making the same depressing songs that no one heard? as life is not depressing enough already?" she said in a condescending voice. Then she look at my bandmates that follows behind me. "Oh, are you Ruru's friends? I'm Lisa, her old classmate in college."

"Anyway, I need to go, see ya." Then she holds one of the old guy, old bearded man that is at least 20 year older than her, "let's go honey."

I puke on the spot, what the fuck. Did she really sacrificed herself to that old man for fame or what?! At first I was very mad and envious of her popularity despite her mediocrity, but now I'm deeply disgusted.

"Ruru! are you okay?!"

"I've just witnessed the most disgusting thing ever." as I try to recover from vomiting. "Did you guys see that? She with that middle aged man?!"

Hanako tries to move away from that disgusting thing, "Should we get a lunch first?" And of course Olivia instantly give two thumbs up, while Shiina just follows whatever we do, so we went to get lunch at the mcdonalds nearby.

While they are talking about where and what should we shoot for the music video, I can't get out of my head the fact that she would go that far to chase fame, I've heard rumors of idols get their position by doing something with their producer, but seeing it with my own eyes is not something I would expect in years, especially not with someone that I know.

Imagine the feelings of idol fans when they expected their idols to be pure but they're already soiled by the producers without them knowing. I feel bad for them, even though I don't really like idol culture myself with their parasocial relationship.

I probably shouldn't fault her or other idols that is probably desperate for some attention just like me, to accept an offer to have some spotlight in return of satisfying those nasty middle aged man' needs.

I think I'm lucky to have my own fanbase that I nurture myself up to this point without losing my dignity and tied to some disgusting practices.

"Hey! are you still here?!" Olivia yells at my left ear while snapping her fingers in front my face.

"Um, what? did I miss something?"

"We're free to use our middle school this sunday, I have big plan for the video there, heheh." Olivia said smugly.

"Like, the one we used to study in?"

"Of course it is. Anyway, don't forget to bring your school uniform, guitar, books and pen also."

"Am I going back to school?"

"Well, the video is about you still in the school so, just bring it, okay?"

"Sure, whatever."

"The recording session was fun isn't it?" said Shiina.

"Yeah, who would expect someone like Olivia can be that good, I half expected olivia to be late on the timing too." Hanako said jokingly, I don't know why she loves to make fun of Olivia.

"I'm an entirely different beast when it comes to play drums."

"You should let that beast take over then."

"I- shut up, my part is harder because I have to fix Ruru's sloppy drums."

"Programming drums when I am drenched in tears is hard smh."

"Anyway, my part is harder than you, Hanako."

"By the way, have you guys checked the live venue in that place? I forgot what's it called." I asked them.

"It's Sunny, and no, I haven't, why?" Hanako answered.

"Me neither, don't have the time." Well for you Olivia, I understand why. Because you barely made it on time earlier.

I stand up from my sit and leave the table, "I want to look around for a bit, you guys can go home first."

I want to go to the livehouse looking around and maybe meet people who works there, hopefully I don't have to meet Lisa again or I'll throw up my lunch.

I am in front of the building, there is a sign showing the livehouse is downstairs, so I walk down there. There is a "Sunny" LED sign on a wall at the bottom of the stairs, with a door on the left which is closed.

I knocked on the door a few times, no answer. Well, what do I expect, of course they're closed. The sun is still right on top of me, while they probably opens at night time, such a waste of time.

But to my surprise, someone opens the door, a tall blonde lady who wears a white T-shirt and denim shorts. "What do you want?" she asks menacingly.

"How can I play at this venue?" I just asked her bluntly.

"There's an audition, wednesday. You want to sign up?"

"Yes!"

"Jeez, calm down." I guess I'm way over excited, "Just check our website and fill out the form there."

"Is there anything else I need?"

"Nuh-uh." after that, she yawn very loudly, "I'm sleepy , can you leave me now please?" Then shuts off the door.

That's one way to end a conversation.

I went back to my home, and start filling out the forms that also includes my socials and channels, I guess it's just background check so they won't get into hot water, especially if that person is one of the employees there.

Now I wonder if I should try to play properly this time, because I'm not playing to my own audience, no one probably knows who I am there, and probably will get pissed off if I can barely play and sing, especially because I want to play there just by myself.

It's not like I can't play guitar or sing, just can't do both at the same time without messing up. If I hold my emotion a little bit I should be able to do it after a day of practice.