Taji’s deep moment.

I really can’t believe that my father was planning this the entire time. I would have never expected this from him. He never speaks about anything, he doesn’t really know who I am sometimes, yet he apparently pays attention to me in this situation. I just don't understand how to process this. I RUINED this myself. I shouldn’t know about any of this but yet I couldn’t pass on finding out, I wanted to know and I found out. I don’t want to blame myself yet I am the one to blame. No one but me did this. I hate knowing about this.

This is something that will require a lot of work to pretend as if I didn’t know but since I put the effort to find out I will need to put the effort to make it seem that I don’t know when the big news is revealed. Despite all this, I am just glad that I was able to do all this with Lei Mei, and have a crazy spy adventure. Never thought that I would be doing things like this with a Chinese girl that moved into our neighbourhood. The very Chinese girl that was cold to me, cared only about China and Communism is now laying by my side in bed.

A relationship I could have never imagined I would be in. All of this sometimes feels absurd. Despite that, I am happy. Truly happy. A happiness that I never felt before, one that I never imagined I could feel. To be by someone that I truly love. Side by side with the person I put so much effort to be with. It all feels rewarding and no matter what will be happening I will keep on being with this person. With what is coming up soon, we will only grow closer, our bond will be only stronger. Nothing will be able to stop us.

This is probably one of the hardest nights I will have a in a while. I really need time to process this entire situation. Lei Mei is already long asleep, which usually I would just stare at her cute little sleepy face but with the current situations I feel the need for solitude.

Now that we have finished school, it will be time to move on to the next place but I just cannot believe it. All this stuff that has been happening, the secret my father held. It was something that I would have never wanted to believe in but it’s actually happening.

I have to move with Lei Mei now, and do my best to adapt to every change that is happening. Not sure how much I will manage to deal with, but I no longer have a choice. Everything will be gone and I’ll have nothing other than Lei Mei.

The upcoming weeks will be the hardest in my life. The further I go in life the harder it gets. They once said when you become an adult life becomes easier, you’re free once you’re an adult, yet I feel more overloaded, more trapped in the system. The capitalist system that causes poverty and enriches the rich. This will have to change one day.

Finally, after taking time to think about everything, my eyes are feeling much heavier. I’m not sure how long I was awake for but I am now for certain tired enough to sleep. It has been a very tiring experience, now that I know the truth, it will only be easier.

“Goodnight Lei Mei” I whispered as I fell into my own slumber.