Chapter 1:

Chapter 1: Psycho Catgirl With a Minigun

The Demonlord's Babysitter

Chapter 1: Psycho Catgirl With a Minigun

Underneath the vast night sky of Violence City with its endless neon billboards and holographic advertisements, stood a woman on a pile of bodies, as gunshots, magic bolts, and terrified screams played out all around her.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!” The deranged shortstack in a maid outfit screamed as thousands of rounds of 7.62 flooded the cramped slave house, it’s roof blasted away by an explosion.

“Lilly! LILLY! LILLLLLY! STOP SHOOTING YOU CRAZY BITCH WE’RE OVER HERE!” Hamilton screamed as a very large and muscular black man held up a magical barrier to protect them from the hail of bullets that ricocheted off of it in a show of sparks.

Suddenly the electronic whirl of the minigun spun out with the sounds of bullets being fired ceasing shortly after.

"Oops." The petite catgirl giggled, slinging the heavy weaponry over her shoulder as she hopped out of the wreckage of the white minivan that had been rammed into the side of the building. "Well I think I got them all!"

"You think?! YOU THINK?! WHAT PART OF THIS ROOM LEAVES ANY DOUBT?!" Hamilton snapped in exasperation, standing up from his prone position that was surrounded by a mountain of debris and shredded red viscera.

Hamilton sighed as he took in the carnage that littered of the once pristine warehouse. All around him and the bulky ex-priest were mounds of red gore and bones that had replaced what were once dangerously armed gangsters just moments prior.

"Great, just great! Fantastic! How the nine hells are we supposed to locate the girls with no one left to interrogate?!"

"What's da fucking problem? Just call up a necromancer or a brain jacker or something jeez." Lilly said, kicking what appeared to be brain matter on the ground.

"Both options costs hundreds of thousands of creds, woman?! More than we'd make in a year plus taxes! AAAAAH I have so much paperwork to fill out! Kate is going to throw a bitch fit!"

Hamilton gripped his thinning black hair, letting out a gasp in frustration, despite being only 28 years old, his hair was already showing signs of aging.

Weeks of undercover work and planning tossed out the window by a flood of bullets and a crazed battlemaid getting her hands on contraband weaponry.

"What else was I supposed to do fuckface! They were gonna kill you!" Lily pouted, brandishing the comically large minigun in both hands as she stomped on the ground.

“I had it in hand! Vaz! Tell her we had it!” Hamiliton snapped, gesturing toward the giant who was busy licking the floor.

The bald man’s gaze quickly shifted between Hamiliton and Lily. The gentle giant seeming reluctant to get involved.

Finally, he sighed as both refused to back down. “I'll be honest wicha, we did not have it in hand.”

"See I tol- wait waht?!" Hamilton turned, a look of confusion on his face at the betrayal. You traitor!

“Ha! I’ll be waiting for my apology fuckerface.” Lily grinned, the frills of her skirt spinning as she leapt off the floor and onto a pile of shelves that had been bisected by her rain of bullets.


Suddenly the ground gave way, sending the tiny woman almost crashing through the black tile floor if not for Hamilton grabbing her by her tiny backpack last second with his cybernetic hand and Vaz holding onto his belt.

"Oh hey! Hi! Hello! Hey Hammy! I think I found where the girls are!" Lily beamed, her brown cat ears wiggling as she beamed a smile up at Hamilton.

Hamilton sighed, grimacing as he stared at the dozens of caged frightened eyeballs staring up at the dangling duo.


“Just my luck hiring a bunch of killers. Twenty three suspects dead, bystander property damage totaling 80 thousand, 6 thousand round casings of 7.62 recovered that were labeled missing by SECFORCE, fired by, what I’m going to PRETEND is not the Army’s missing West-tek Minigun. AND last but not least, stolen artwork belonging to the Viceroy valued at 50 to 60 million credits completely eviscerated by a storm of bullets…. Did I name everything correctly? Did I get everything?” Captain Hughes, a Dragonoid, the head of the police force listed off as he crushed a stress ball into a fine dust in his titanic scaly hands. "Please say yes so I can I make you three disappear forever."

The trio of mercenaries were now in the Central Peacekeeper HQ of Violence City, getting berated by the head of Police that contracted Hamilton and his team for their mission that had gone lopsided.

Hamilton cleared his throat.

“Uh, so! I know it sounds bad, but!! And I personally think this is the important part, you forgot the part where we rescued thirty girls, two babies, and not to mention! Not to mention! The copious amounts of drugs and contraband.” Hamilton offered with a nervous smile. "And I think that should merit some form of consideration before you eat- jail us!"

The man took a cigar from a nearby box, cutting it before lighting and taking a deep drag of the stick as he fixed his gaze on the gruff-looking Hamilton, the stoic and blank priest Vaz, and the humming little black-haired catgirl who was dangling her feet off the chair.

"I supposed there is some silver lining amidst all the blood and shit spilled across my boots." The lizardman grumbled, closing his slitted eyes and shaking his head with a resigned expression.

Not one to miss an opportunity Hamilton went for it. "Ah! So does that mean we'll still get paid?"

Silence befell the office.

“Get the fuck out of my office.”


Now standing on the sidewalk of the police precinct underneath an overpass, Hamilton fell to his knees, his hands balled into fists as he shook them at the neon billboards in the sky above.

"WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYY!" The grown man wailed, screaming at the heavens and demanding answers. Alas, the only things to come back were the humming of his manic assistant and the slow applause of several cops nearby.

"Bravo! See that's a man who can put on a performance." One cop laughed, shaking his head with a smile.

"Good work with the kidnapping case Hamilton. Thanks for taking out the trash." The other jeered before both walking off. Leaving Hamilton to grieve at the lack of pay and his team alone in the police driveway.

They were broke.

This job had been the latest in a string of failures that Hamilton had hoped would be the end of their bad luck, only for them to not only not be paid, but also be blacklisted from any VCPD guild jobs.

It was over. They were screwed.

"Oh cheer up Hammy, we'll get another job. Theres always plenty of people who need killing." Lily wagged her tail, rushing up and hugging the side of Hamilton's crying face as he remained kneeling, staring blankly with soulless eyes.

Vaz approached, placing a rough hand on the sobbing man's shoulder.

"Hamilton. Oftentimes, when the lord closes a door he oft opens many others." The soft giant said, looking down at Hamilton with a gentle smile plastered on his bald face as he brandished his order's circular holy symbol.

“Ha…” Hamilton let out a low chuckle, closing his eyes.

Instead of feeling better, he felt worst.

"Aaaaargh I'll be stuck with you two forever!" Hamilton lamented as he slammed his robotic fist into the concrete stained with his tears.