Scathing reviews for Cringe's Yowie Hunt

The test screening group seethed with contempt and disgust as the screening of the first 4 episodes of Yowie Hunt season 2 concluded.

"So did you enjoy MY masterpiece? We'll be filming episode 5 tomorrow," Cringe giggled.

One of the group members stood up and turned on his recorder as he gave his review.

"Yowie hunt season 1 was a so bad it was good kind of cult classic. Season 2 so bad it's an atrocity. It was expected that the writing would take a hit due to Shiruka's passing, but to think the new writer would bastardize Season 1 so horribly! Season 1 was bad, but funny. It also had a deeper meaning when you know the greater context behind it's creation. This season has none of the charm or deeper philosophical meaning behind it. Rather, it's an ego project of the writer, properly named Cringe. Cringe inserts himself as the narrator, and even himself constantly detracting from the plot. Then there's the plot. Oh, the plot. Yowie Hunt season 1 looks like an 11/10 masterpiece by comparison. Instead of Roux, we now have a capybarra named... Capybarra. His goal is not to find out if the Yowie is into yaoi, but to find keys to a keyboard so he can post an inflammatory comment on his blog. The capybarra is successful, but then has to continuously find the keys again... so he can post another inflammatory comment and win another flame war. The premise is just mean spirited rather than funny. Roux from season 1 was kind of mean, but he was essentially a normal guy trapped in a crazy world with the looming threat that he'd go insane the more he stayed by Dumbee's side.

Now let's discuss the acting. Capybarra is horrible and flat a majority of the time. Yowyahoo the yowie into yuri has now been replaced with a yowie named Yaoi that can only say "Let's yaoi" in a flat monotonous voice. Then there's Prune king who is played by scam artist Luigi Metalini whom also guest starred in season 1. The good news is, this bastard had to shave all his hair off, wear a fundoshi, and look wrinkly just for the role. The bad news is that we have to see him looking like that causing great pain to our eyes. Dumbee is literally the only good thing about this show. At least he's the same good ole Dumbee we all know and love. Thus, I am giving this a 1/10 instead of a 0/10 for Dumbee alone and raising my original review score for season 1 from a 1/10 to a 7/10."

The next group member sat up to give his review.

"As my colleague just mentioned, Dumbee is the only thing that hasn't changed from season 1. None of the other lovable characters from season 1 are back and their replacements are horrific. Luigi Metalini is the only other returning cast member aside from Dumbee, and instead of playing himself like in season 1, he now plays a hairless, wrinkly, underwear-clad version of himself that is now obsessed with finding all his hair that apparently an evil skeleton sucked off his body in an online video self produced by Yowie Hunt season 2 writer, Cringe. This is not Yowie Hunt. Rather, it is Cringe pasting Dumbee into his shitty and offensive fanfic. I gave season 1 a 1/10, and refuse to give season 2 any praise, 0/10."

Fumiyo clutched the paper bag she brought with her and angrily stood up.

"I write erotica. This was an insult to not just BL, but to Nobuto. Fuck you Cringe! I'm gonna rip your trash to pieces! First of all, all of Nobuto's clever and witty jokes and metaphors are gone, replaced with the wet dreams of a fat vain gremlin that wants to bully people online. The bastard also has the gall to try and pass this trash off as fujoshi. Only in your demented mind it is! Sure, Dumbee's a hunk, but I can just edit a movie of just scenes with him in it, or watch season 1. Also, the hell was that kiss scene!? The capybarra was a puppet played by a stage hand rather than a hot actor in a kangaroo suit in the first season. The scene was literally just Dumbee french kissing a fucking stuffed capybarra! Sure, stuff like that can be hot, but the capybarra's literally just mini-Cringe and a hateable piece of shit in general. Then the Vegemite scene. I threw up seeing that pruned scam artist smeared in Vegemite. Oh, and let's talk about your bastardisation of the Yowyahoo the yowie from season 1. I bet you thought you were smart and funny renaming him Yaoi, and having his say nothing but, "let's yaoi" in a poor attempt to try and make the show more yaoi. Well it was an insult to me both as an erotica author and fan and as a lover of Nobuto. Fuck you! Nothing out of 10 for you you piece of shit!"

The editor sighed and wiped his brow as Cringe began to scowl.

"Well who gives a shit what haters like you think! This is MY show now! And it's gonna be the longest running and most successful show ever! Until I make something else. But I'll still get all the glory!" Cringe shouted.

"No, I'm ceasing production. No way I'm allowing this trash to hit the airwaves," the editor scowled.

"Um, you'll go bankrupt. I'll sue you too and takeover the company!" Cringe threatened.

"YOU sue? You'll be the one on trial for all the slander you spew online! Besides, there was barely any budget for your trash in the first place. You're also fired."

"WHAT!? SCREW YOU! I QUIT!"

"Nope, I'm putting "fired" on your resume."

"Well, I'm gonna ensure these episodes are released on television! I'm editing them and have all the footage! Then the world will give me perfect reviews for salvaging that murderer's shit and polishing it up into a diamond!"

Fumiyo then sighed and pulled a stack of papers out of her bag.

"I didn't want to do this, nor would Nobuto want there to be another season of this, but he knew you were a greedy piece of shit, editor."

The editor's eyes widened as he gazed at the papers.

"CRINGE! YOU'RE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FIRED!"

"THE HELL!? I QUIT!" Cringe retorted.

"These are full scripts for another full length season of Yowie Hunt written by Shiruka. We're doing these word for word."

Cringe began to tremble with fury at the revelation.

"HUH!? THAT GUY'S A MURDERER! SCREW YOU! I'LL FLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU ONLINE IF YOU TRY TO ADAPT THAT MURDERER'S FANFIC!"

Security then came and dragged Cringe out.

"*Sigh* I guess since I brought this to light, I'll be working on the project," Fumiyo sighed.

                                                                            ...

Niles Thorndyke glared as the editor informed him of what transpired.

"*Tch* Well, that writer was shit, but at least it was highlighting how great I was. But now we gotta follow the script of that dead maniac?"

"I want money dammit," the editor sighed.

"__. Maybe this could work for me. Yeah, now that he's dead, all the praise will be aimed at me," Dumbee gleefully thought.

He then smiled and shook the editor's hand.

"I'm in mate! Let's get the gang back together!"

"Hey, um, can I still be in this? I mean I did all THIS for the role," Luigi asked as he walked up to the two.

"No, actually I think there's a role Nobuto would have loved for you to play, but it will only be for an episode," Fumiyo smiled as she struggled to hide her contempt.

"Hey, those are the words I like to hear. Now how about we get filming."

"Not today, we still need to get more cast members, and up the budget," Fumiyo menacingly smiled at the editor.

"Fine, at least this shit'll be good. I'll let the press know the REAL season 2 will be delayed to a later air date." the editor grumbled.

                                                                               ...

Fumiyo sighed as she sat down and began making edits to the manuscripts.

"I don't want to change things up too much, but there are some things that do need to be changed considering what happened. I was able to use my connections to at least get the police report on Nobuto being a murderer changed, but even though its been a few years, I'm not sure if society as a whole has changed their thoughts on Nobuto. Sure he's still got dedicated fans, but I don't know about those beyond that. The fact that his new publishing company still hasn't released the final volume of Grouping of ghosts, makes me think things still haven't quieted down despite it being over 2 years since then. Even the advertising campaign for the show marketed it more as a Dumbee work and left out any mention of Nobuto."

Fumiyo then had a mini revelation.

"Could that be why that piece of shit was allowed to fully make 4 episodes? I know many refused to write the script, but that greedy jerk had to know how bad that piece of shit was and how much he hated Nobuto. Aside from Dumbee, the setting, and the name of the show, all traces of Nobuto are gone, and even then, Dumbee's been making his Yowie Hunt persona his default ever since that interview. I know the actor's a bit bitter in reality, but I guess he really ended up going all in on his Yowie Hunt persona when he saw it would only be a positive for him. Hmm, I'd better check something out first."

Fumiyo then did a bit of research on a few things before returning to editing.

"Damn, that news station is still pushing the narrative that Nobuto's a murderer. Worse, they're even showcasing that piece of shit's blog posts demonizing Nobuto and his supporters, and constantly inviting people that hated his works as guests. The piece of shit has also took to his blog and threatened to expose the secrets of the shows delay in a few days. Though what I couldn't find was how much the public truly thought about Nobuto. I wonder, could just releasing the revised season 2 of Yowie Hunt backfire?"

                                                                               ...

Elsewhere, Cringe was beaming ear to ear as he came to a similar revelation.

"It's perfect! I'm a genius for just now realizing this! If those idiots just go with that bastard Shiruka's script, I can drag all of them down easy! That news station even features my flame posts roasting Shiruka from time to time. Maybe I'd get an interview. Though if I want to maximize the effect, I should say this, oh and I should also call HIM."

Fumiyo and Cringe were about to engage in a fierce battle of wits.