The writer's Ambition

What day is today? I can't recall anymore. My days blend together, lost in front of the monitor with dark circles under my eyes and disheveled hair. I spend hours writing line after line, but for what purpose? To please the readers. It was supposed to be for my own pleasure, but it had turned the other way around.

“How much longer should I wait?”

The text popped out in the corner of the screen and it was from the girl whom I was supposed to marry next month.

Because of the text, my eyes rolled toward the date and my heart gave a lurch. It was already October 2nd- The day of our wedding.

At that moment, nothing else mattered to me as I recalled everything. I left my computer, my scripts---- everything on the table and rushed out of my apartment.

The streets were eerily quiet and the night was dark. Only my loud footsteps were heard as I ran towards the possible direction, where I would find her. I was sure she was still waiting.

Something changed that one day, when for the sake of my book, I went to a club to capture its atmosphere and vibes on my notes. That was where I first held her hand, just to get directions. And unintentionally, I had saved her from smugglers due to my large physique.

After that, she became the girl who reached out to me, breaking the dark thick walls around me. She was a girl who stood at her place through all the tortures and blocks of life and still decided to offer love to someone like me, who was left with nothing but a screen filled with words and letters.

Regardless of how many times I’d forgotten and left her on read, She stayed.

I’d forgotten our appointments and she had to endure waiting for me hours after hours through scorching summer and heavy rains, but she still stayed.

She would smile at me, hoping to reach the place within me that I didn't know existed. I fell deeply in love with her, but I couldn't escape my own condition.

I promised her a wedding, a chance for us to be together so she wouldn't have to wait anymore. But I forgot, as I always do, and now it's midnight as I dashed through the streets.

The clock struck 12.00, and it was already October 3rd when I finally reached the wedding hall.

She stood there alone under the flickering light. Her white dress and veil were soaked in an unfamiliar liquid, which I couldn't identify until I grabbed her shoulders. The smell of gasoline.

“Why?” 

I asked in a quivered voice, feeling guilt climbing through my veins, shattering my throat and heart.

“I should be the one asking,”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

“This is the 14th time…But you still made it at the last hour just like before,”

She spoke in her usual sweet voice.

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

I knew, that no matter how many times I repeated the words, it had no meaning.

“I don’t wish to leave you,”

Her lips trembled, still holding the smile on her face. Her tears were covered beneath the drops of gasoline on her cheeks.

“I can’t bear that either!”

“But you won’t change,”

“I know I can’t! I’m sorry for being like this!”

She took my hand and uttered, “So will you take this path with me?”

A moment of silence encircled me. Ah! Why didn’t I think of that? Such a simple solution to free myself from everything and be with the one I love eternally.

I pulled out the ring and it easily slipped through her wet ring finger. She smiled and said,

“I do,”

She retrieved a lighter hidden among the flower banquet in her hand. It seemed she was prepared for this day, knowing me so well. She flicked the lighter twice and released it to the ground. A blaze appeared, covering everything in orange. The fire became our audience as its flames applauded for us when I held her in my arms, sealing our wedding vow as her groom for the first and last time on the altar.

She was like the angel of death in the white dress under the fire. An angle that had appeared to take me away with her. And to escape the word called ‘reality’, I had accepted her invitation, holding her in my arms, and together we felt our last moments in the hall ablaze with fire under the night sky.