You in My No-life Days

“Can you see~, Unnie, Oppa?”

A woman with pink hair in her 20s held a selfie stick and started her dungeon stream.

Out of nowhere, dungeon gates appeared around the world in a shopping mall, on a crowded street, and even in a bathroom. Those gates spat out monsters after a certain period and reduced the human population by that many.

There was a saying, “New problems, new opportunities,” that accurately described whatever happened afterward. One opportunity was a new government body (and its corruption), the Korean Hunter Association. Another opportunity was, dungeon stream.

“Kishishishi! No one raids this dungeon, although it’s the time to spawn monsters. Lucky!” said that pink-haired woman, Eun Dona.

With her black coat, she looked like a cool mobster. With her black high-waisted skirt and black stockings, she looked cooler. And with her black cross tie and brown formal shirt, she looked cute. But with her doll-sized, walking ninja minifigure ahead, she looked kinda childish.

“She starts her stream, man!” a big and round monster with golden fur said on a cozy sofa. Dona appeared on a TV in front of that monster because that monster linked his smartphone with the TV.

A black-haired man in his 20s opened his eyes and saw Seoul buildings through his luxury apartment window. He could live there because of [God of Investment] skill from his [No-life] skill tree.

“Jung-won, don’t you want to watch her? Get your butt over here,” that monster said to that black-haired man, Gwok Jung-won.

“Son of Demon, Sonmon, don’t you need healthier food?” Jung-won said to that monster, Sonmon, as he heard Sonmon’s chewing noises.

“I’m not your errand boy, man! Buy it yourself! What a no-life,” Sonmon furrowed his brow and chewed a potato chip. Nyam, nyam. Thus, although he had silver goat horns and eyes, Sonmon didn’t look scary at all.

Jung-won sat on his bed and rubbed his belly. With a black t-shirt and gray pajama pants, he looked stylish, but he was still a no-life. Jung-won was like a typical handsome Korean, but he had blue eyes like a foreigner.

“But you are also a no-life. You are no better.”

“That term only applies to humans, Jung-won! There is no no-life monster!”

Jung-won took his smartphone from a drawer and lazily opened MeTube, refusing to get out of bed. He muted Dona’s stream because he could already hear her voice from the TV.

Dona tilted her head and touched her lips with her hand. “Unnie~, Oppa, which path should I take?”

“That’s easy, man! Just go straight!” Sonmon shouted. He dropped his snack wrapper, grabbed his smartphone near the sofa, and typed something.

CuteDemon: Dona-ssi, just go straight!

MyNameChad: Don’t listen to him. He is a baby and stupid.

CuteDemon: Shut up, man! I’m gonna report you, you sarcastic bastard!

MyNameChad: Factual statements are not sarcasm.

CuteDemon: What!

BlueEyesBlonde: CuteDemon is correct, Dona-ssi.

PogChamp: BlueEyesBlonde, are you a girl?

PogChamp: Answer me.

[PogChamp has just donated $5]: Answer me.

“Wow… Thank you, CuteDemon-ssi, BlueEyesBlonde-ssi, and PogChamp-ssi!” Dona said as she started to walk on a dimmed, underground path, tailing her ninja toy ahead. There were some hexagonal rocks on the cave wall that were shining like gold. Therefore, she and her toy could see quite well in that Golden Ant Dungeon.

“Man, her [Toy Orchestra] skill tree definitely will help her to be a top hunter one day,” Sonmon said.

“Can she beat someone with [Berserker] skill tree?”

“She can protect herself and stealthily kill a berserker with her toys. Yeah, nothing is decisive, but she has a good chance.”

“Aha.”

“Well, right now, she can only control one or two toys. But with [Multiple Consciousness] skill, she can control unlimited toys! She should get that skill first.”

“How do you know many things about dungeons and hunter skills, Sonmon?”

“I am Sonmon, Son of Demon! Demons are like human civil servants, so of course I know a lot!”

“Then who’s your president? The Demon Lord?”

“Nah, it’s the System, man! Whoever made that status window thing!”

“You mean God?”

“Well, I don’t know. Why do you talk about that kind of thing, man! Let’s just watch the stream!”

“I’m still sleepy. I’m going to watch the VOD later.”

“Oh, come on, Jung-won! She only has four viewers! Don’t leave!”

Jung-won let his body fall to the bed and said, “Don’t be noisy.”

“What a no-life!”

***

“Kishishishi! My toy tripped!”

Dona gave her viewers her biggest smile─she revealed her white teeth and bright face.

“Woo…ho! There is a big whale in the cold lake!” she said as she pointed at a shining blue lake inside a dungeon and made an “o” with her mouth.

This time, Dona wasn’t alone. She explored the Ice Whale Dungeon with her own guild, Frontier Guild. Therefore, one could see her guildmates in the background. She had grown so much as a hunter and a streamer after some months.

“I feel so proud of her,” Sonmon said as he bent his body on the cozy sofa. “Look! It’s 500 viewers, man!”

“Frontier Guild, huh? Is she raiding new gates before anyone else?” Jung-won asked.

“Yeah, man! She said she wanted us to feel safe! She also loves adventures!”

“Isn’t she just a reckless hunter?”

“Oh, come on, man! She is much better than a no-life like you, Jung-won! Also, are you living in a cave or something, how can you not know about Frontier Guild?!”

Jung-won just chuckled, “I am.”

“Ah, whatever!”

***

“I guess… this is as far as I can go.”

Dona leaned her back on a cave wall and looked at her chest which was smeared with blood. She was in the Volcanic Dungeon. As the name implies, the Volcanic Dungeon was full of magma that shone on its underground paths.

Her guildmate bodies were everywhere without a single breath. She couldn’t go further, nor go back. It was the end of her adventures.

“NOOOOO!!! Dona-ssi!!” Sonmon felt his hands shaking. His tears were also formed around his eyes.

Jung-won sighed and massaged his forehead. “What’s wrong? What was the last moment of that golem?” He sat on his bed and asked, “Sonmon, don’t you know?”

“I don’t know, man! It’s my fault! It’s my fault!!”

CuteDemon: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know!!!

PogChamp: You didn’t know? I doubt you, I doubt you. You were always right as if you had a foreshadowing skill.

BlueEyesBlonde: CuteDemon had no reason to betray Dona-ssi.

HeavenlyDemon: I second that. But, isn’t this not the time to chat? We have to save Dona-ssi.

MyNameChad: If you really care about Dona-ssi, then you shouldn’t have the time to chat either, HeavenlyDemon.

HeavenlyDemon: You wouldn’t have the time either, FakeChad.

CuteDemon: Shut up, man!!! I’m calling the gate guards right now!!

CuteDemon: Chad, you too. If only you go outside and become stronger. Shame on you, No-life!!!

Dona just gave them her biggest smile. She glanced at her camera that was held by one of her damaged toys. Then she said, “Unnie, Oppa, I’m really grateful for all of your support. Frontier Guild wouldn’t be one of the top guilds without your support too. I think… we were just not lucky today, hehe.”

3M watching

PogChamp: T^T

PogChamp: T^T

BlueEyesBlonde: Dona-ssi. We are the ones who are really grateful to you. No one dares to explore a new gate like you do. You have the guts. You are so radiant. You always make us feel safe and brighten our day.

CuteDemon: Go to hell, fire golems!!!

HeavenlyDemon: I have sent my strongest guildmates. Don’t give up, Dona-ssi.

CuteDemon: Fuck, fuck, FUCK YOU ALL!!!

Dona was shocked by the amount of kindness her viewers showed. She smiled while she soaked her face. Then she closed her eyes, giggled, and left her final words, “Kishishishi. Thank you.”

***

The sky was crimson. Blood was shed everywhere on the sea. Smoke and crackling fire masked almost everything. Seoul had fallen.

[You have failed to complete the World Quest]

Jung-won raised his chin and read the text on a blue, floating rectangular board in front of him. Wearing a black long coat, high-neck t-shirt, and trousers, he sat on a hill and looked like a typical protagonist.

“There is no life…” he said as he gazed at a mountain of human and monster corpses. “So this is the consequence if we fail to complete this World Quest.”

[You are the last human survivor. You acquire the chance to regress. Would you like to regress?]

Jung-won chuckled. “Does God not want to destroy this world? Then why does God let the World Quest exist? This is a bullshit.”

Cit! Cit!

With blood and a detached human arm in his mouth, Sonmon approached Jung-won from behind and made cute noises with his kid shoes.

“God isn’t a human. It may not have a reason to do anything. It even doesn’t need eating. What could God eat at the beginning of the universe anyway??” Sonmon replied after he finished chewing the human arm.

“Hah,” Jung-won commented.

Sonmon’s eyes were crimson, not silver as they were. His goat horns also became bigger than his arms.

“Sonmon, have you become a real demon now? Why do you eat a human arm?” Jung-won asked without looking at Sonmon. He still gazed at the ruined Seoul.

“[Mimicry] is my awakened skill. I can shape my body and steal my food’s memories with that skill. I can also steal their skill tree. Very cool, isn’t it?”

“What’s the point, Sonmon? Everyone dies. Monsters too.”

After the wind blew, Jung-won also said, “Sonmon, do I need to regress? We can save Dona-ssi and everyone if I do, and I can be much stronger with the information that I have. But what’s the point of life? I’m not excited, it’s too bothersome.”

“You will be burned in hell if you do nothing in your life.”

Jung-won chuckled. “Burned by you? Aren’t you a demon?”

“Hmm…” Sonmon rubbed the area under his mouth and tried to find something that motivated Jung-won. “Don’t you want to see what’s going to happen in that manhwa, Jung-won?”

“Ha! Hahahaha! You are right. I think I need to regress, Sonmon. System, yes, I-”

But before Jung-won finished his sentence, a human arm made a hole in his belly from behind. “S-Sonmon… what the hell are you doing?”

“I gave it a thought again, Jung-won. Honestly, what can we expect from a no-life like you?” Sonmon had changed his right arm to the human arm, so he could pierce Jung-won’s body.

“You didn’t really care that much about Dona-ssi. You didn’t watch her stream when she wasn’t famous. You didn’t know about Frontier Guild when she was a bit famous. And you weren’t helpful at all when she was on the brink of death.”

Sonmon revealed his sharp teeth and made a curve with his mouth. Then he said, “So Jung-won, let me regress on your behalf. I would definitely save Dona-ssi and complete this damn World Quest with the power of regression, not friendship!”

“You bastard!” Jung-won tried to push out Sonmon’s arm and fight that demon. He panicked. He should have answered the System and regressed immediately instead.

But as one could see from their shadows, Sonmon already made a huge mouth and swallowed Jung-won’s head mercilessly.

“Bluuuuuurp! It’s tasty, man! The regression chance!”

And thus, Sonmon closed his eyes and regressed to save his precious people and snacks.