Take care

       I slept so badly after yesterday. I don't get it. I had no problems falling asleep, but I woke up devastated. Thank god I don't have to go anywhere today. I hope I am not sick again.

       It took me a good hour to actually wake up. That's when I realized what actually happened yesterday. I can't believe that it took a turn like that. So are we dating now? We both saidthat nothing will change, but what's the point then? I've seen a lot of situations like this one, and it always resulted in both hating each other. I would hate to see that. Maybe things staying the same way isn't that bad after all. I am scared. I am scared of us arguing for no reason and not talking to each other anymore. If I pay attention and try very hard to do everything right, then maybe we could be an exception.

       I had no plans for today other than being home and doing nothing, mostly because I still felt so bad. But as always, I won't be able to do what I had in mind. My mom asked me if
I would go visit the grave again. I didn't try to make up something or say that I slept badly tonight and want to stay home because it is still a difficult topic for her and I am a little  worried  about her. I must say she's got much better, you wouldn't notice anything strange about her at first glance.

       I don't think she already moved on though. So that's why I want to go with her, hopefully, it will make her happy when dad can't go today because of work I assume. He should be home now, but it's not that uncommon for both of them to work overtime if needed.

       Stepping outside made me feel much better. At the graveyard, she did the same things as last time. After she was done, we sat at the nearby bench.

"How's that new classmate of yours? You tried talking to her?"

"Yeah, we became friends in no time."

"So that's why you are always out somewhere? With her?" you could see the classic smirk that parents have when they bring up a topic like this.

I nodded my head. "Sometimes its with Alan, but it's her nine of ten times."

"That makes it two friends now."

"Not feeling like I need more."

"I get it. When I was in school, a lot of people wanted to be friends with me and that pissed me off. There was always someone wanting to do stuff when all I wanted was some alone time."

"I never would have guessed."

A few minutes passed. We were just looking around, listening to the wind, and not talking at all.

"Thank you for coming with me here. I know I don't pay you much attention, but you know, it's not like I don't want to."

"I don't feel cut off, so don't worry. I know these last months must have been hard for you. I am happy to see you feeling better."

She put her arm on my shoulders. "I appreciate the concern, but this is something everyone will eventually have to go through this. I just wish their death would be more natural."
"I understand."

"I hope you will take care of my grave the same way as I do now when the time will come."

"Oh come on! You still have so much in front of you."

We both giggled, even though we probably didn't think it was funny at all, and after a while, we got up and went home.