Shattered Illusions Part 1

“I always envied you….How you had your whole life ahead of you… How the world treated you better than it did to me… But…. When everyone else threw me away, thank you for being the only one who cared”

“….Farewell, Jun-san”

How long has it been since I was standing on that rooftop….but no matter how many days pass, I still remember ever single detail of that incident.

The time when I thought I could do anything I wanted with my life. That I could be anything I desired if I worked for it. I remember that I wanted to be someone others aspired to be… But in this day and age…. I was doing nothing but fooling myself.

The day he took his own life, my ego was taken along with him…. Even laying many floors below in a pool of his own blood, his expression was not one of regret, but one of relief….

That was the day I failed for the first time…. The day I failed to talk him down off that ledge…..

After that, I badly wanted to learn how people worked, so I can know more about people than the words they say….. But a few trials on that path later, I realized that this wasn’t it…..

That’s when esports came into my life…. At first, I thought it was all about twitch aim, playing meta and quick decisions, but the more I got better, the more I learned that it wasn’t the case…. To thrive against the best, you need to learn how to read the best

I might’ve seen the top of the ladder, and I once might’ve thought that I had a grasp on who people are once I’ve seen them in action….but once the veil on this new CG was lifted, I just realized that it was another lie I have been telling myself

It felt as if all the players in Helios was instantly dragged into the Lower Sec’s Center, with our eyes forced to the massive screen in the sky as Sacchan laid down the ugly truth….. Death in-game, meant death in real life, and the screen showing the people who have already perished was an image that haunted me.

I broke off my gaze to the side, only to witness a petrified expression on the usually unphasable Misha. But just as we thought the worst of it had passed, Tadashi and his new group came in and made it worse.

That day, I saw many faces of my friends and family that I’ve never seen before. Misha desperately tried to hold her shrieks of shock as Misuzu-san and Yuito were done in by the one who was the closest to them from our once merry band….. Akio’s usual snark turned into a moment of hatred towards his oldest friend… and my sisters frozen solid in fear. And it was all capped up by the panic that ensued. Bullets and blood started flying while everyone started scrambling. Running away or desperately trying to claw their way to their groups. The only luck we had was the fact that we were not separated in the mass panic that ensued.

The next thing I remember was running away, with my head desperately trying to figure out what just happened while the life I once knew got turned on its head. The whole city went from being a labyrinth of discovery to a complete bloodbath, and we were desperate to get to safety.

Our moment of safety came to us as we ducked into a secluded alleyway, where I tried to hide how terrified I was and attempted to assure my weeping sisters.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey…. look at me both of you” I paused until they regain a bit of composure to look at me instead of the ground “ I know you guys are afraid, but we are all here… we’ll get through this together”

My attempts were almost naught as they were traumatized by what happened to Misuzu-san, Akio and Yuito.

“Tadashi-nii….W-Why did he?” Mai’s usual ruckus had turned into terrified stammers

“I don’t know…. But we can’t think about it right now. First we get to safety, and then we get back home to Mom and Dad….We stick together no matter what” I said, still holding onto both their heads close to mine

Out of the two, Mai started to look a lot more composed, but I’ve known them long enough to know that she was only acting strong right now, just like I was…..

Meguru on the other hand was too smart to buy into my pep talk.

“This is not looking good Jun, its only a matter of time before the fight breaks in here” Misha said

I started to space out as my disbelief of what was happening still managed to overpower my rationality

“JUN! This is not the time to wonder….”

“I should’ve known, Misha….. This whole thing didn’t feel right. Ascend to Immortal and into Morpheus? Permadeath?..... This has to be a dream…. This can’t be real”

But all of a sudden I felt a harsh slap across my face

“Snap out of it you idiot…. There is no way any of us could’ve known about this… Not about Sacchan, not about Tadashi…. And like it or not, this is real…. This isn’t the game we used to play anymore…. We can’t stay here, snap out of it and load up your guns…. I don’t think we’ll be able to get out of here without fighting” said Misha

“Fighting? If we shoot people, we kill them for real….”

“I don’t like it either Jun….but what choice do we have?. All we can do is try scaring people away, injure not kill. But we are not going to get anything done just with our fists.” She looks past me “I’m sorry you two, but this includes you as well…. Check your gear and get ready for a fight….. And lets just hope it doesn’t actually come to that”

But that hope was instantly snuffed out as a blinking and beeping object rolled between me and Misha.

“Grenade!” I shouted and kicked it out of the alley, but the explosion that followed was the equivalent of ringing the dinner bell to all the blood-soaked combatants outside.

“We are out of time….Everybody get ready! Jun, you are on suppression. Just don’t let them push us”

Misha planted her shield on the ground and the barrier dome formed around us. However, it was only protecting us against bullets and ordinances, not line of sight. I counted four different assailants, all using handguns.

While they were scouting us out, I had my rifle in my hand. While it looked the exact same as the one I had been using for years in game, it completely felt different attempting to use it right now. I looked through my inventory quickly to get a clip of ammo, but my predicament couldn’t get any worse.

None of the magazines, neither AR nor pistol mags were loaded. This was brand new to the game, but I couldn’t tell that to Misha as the attackers might force their way in if they heard that my clips weren’t loaded.

“I need a minute”

“We don’t have a minute”

“I said I need a minute, Misha”

Misha’s secondary ran on pulse ammo, meaning that she didn’t have to manually load clips with ammo. She was returning fire through her one way shield, but the blue dome slowly turning white was a sign that the barrier won’t hold for long until it needs to recharge.

“What are you doing, Jun?” she asked me and without saying a single word, I showed her the empty magazine when she turned around.

But as Misha’s firing stopped since she was checking on me, the assailants started pushing into the choke, only for one of them to be met with a surprise arrow to the knee.

“I’ll back Misha-nee up… Waiting on you Nii!” Mai stepped forward with her compound bow at the ready.

I took this time to kneel and place the boxes of ammo and one clip for each gun on the ground. And started loading the clips one bullet at a time. Have I done this before? Never….. but it was as if my body instinctively knew what to do.

The only time I paused for a second was when the terrified Meguru came into my line of sight, sitting against the wall fighting her ensuing hysteria.

In a span of around twenty seconds, I managed to load up one mag of 9mm for my pistol and load up my secondary. I then focused on loading up one clip of 5.56, but this proved to be much more of a hassle, as I had to load in thirty individual bullets.

“Come on….come on” I muttered to myself as I loaded bullet after bullet

After a bit over double my previous time, the mag was full and I slotted it into my AR….magazine locked and pulled the handle at the back to chamber in a round. And I was good to go.

I left the remaining items on the ground and took point repel the group looking for our blood. The only advantage we had was that they couldn’t push us in with their primary weapons as the choke they had to come through was too narrow for rifles, while we had a bit of open ground.

I flipped my fire selector to single fire as I only had thirty bullets to spare, and pressured back the one who was trying to peek in. It was clear to me that they were sandwiched between us and other groups outside as they were desperate to get into our space, so much that they were trying to push inwards without even waiting till we reloaded or made a slip up.

“Mai, push backwards to the other side of the alley, take Meguru with you” I commanded her

“But what about you guys?” She asked

“Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine, take the rear and get yourself and your sister out of here. We’ll be right behind you….GO!” I said and refocused on the assailants ahead of us

“Jun….shield is almost in the critical, we are going to be losing cover soon” Misha notified me

“Push backwards, hold until shield break…. We need to get to the other end of the alleyway and onto the street”

“Heard….loud and clear” Misha responded

Misha put one hand on her shield and started dragging it back. The barrier suddenly turned from a dome of protection to a semi-circular energy barrier in front of us. The color being an orange slowly turning red was an indication that we needed to hurry up.

The assailants misread our play and started to push in, but I ended up putting a couple trigger pulls worth of bullets into one of the attacker’s legs, taking him out of the fight. However, their numbers didn’t go down as the one who Mai immobilized earlier had recovered, and was shooting back along with his friends. They kept the pressure on us while the two able bodies pushed inwards to help their friend…. With 10 bullets left in the mag, I saw an opening I had to take

“Misha, can you shield repulse yet?” I asked

“I think so”

I swapped my gaze back to the battle in hand and quickly analyzed the situation

“Alright, on my go…. I want you to repulse”

“What? That would just leave us in the open without place to hide”

“Just trust me” I said

“Oh no, Jun…You are going to pull an Akio play, aren’t you?”

“Got any better ideas?” I asked

Misha didn’t have any time to think, so all she could do was reluctantly agree. I waited for the moment to strike

“Hope you make this count, Jun. Because I’m close to dry right now and won’t be able to bail you out”

I kept that in mind and waited till they pushed forward to help their crawling ally. In the meantime, I put away my almost empty rifle and equipped my pistol. I broke away my gaze for a moment to check if I wasn’t running in with an empty gun. And the opportunity presented itself

“NOW!” I gave the signal to Misha as soon as one of them put his hand on his friend.

Misha immediately struck the back of her shield with her right free arm, and the red and weakened barrier suddenly gave way and turned into a sudden wave of force, getting caught off guard, the two assailants got knocked back and off their feet, and blew away the gun off the crawling man

I took this chance to run down the middle, carefully putting two shots in the shins of the injured assailant to make sure he doesn’t get any surprise shots in with his second weapon. One of the men recovered and got back up as soon as I approached, I managed to parry his first strike and put two pistol rounds into his side. I turned around while he was flinching in pain, and blind fired two more shots at the other man who was still trying to get up, forcing him to scurry into cover.

But in the heat of the fight, I failed to realize one crucial detail. While I have had basic combat training in the past, it felt like I knew even more than that when it came to fighting… My body was guiding itself in a way…. Meaning if I feel as such…..

I got a quick confirmation of that when my opponent quickly bounced back from his flinch and whipped me across the face with his pistol and leg sweeped me, putting me on the ground and in a predicament. His gun was aimed at my head but I managed to evade left, putting a bullet in my right shoulder.

The sudden spike of pain did freeze me for a split second but I managed to recover and grab and wrap my legs around his gun arm before he fired another shot. I twisted left forcing him to hunch over and finally flop onto the ground. I immediately got back upto my feet, putting a shot in his arm and struck him in the head with the barrel of my gun, knocking him out

My body force relaxed and I paid for it as another bullet found its way into my left hand, shattering my fingers. While the pain was troublesome, it was bearable in part to the reduction in place. Aiming now with one hand, I fired lower than head level to avoid killing him, and one of the shots managed to strike his off arm, dampening the confidence in his aim as well.

Both of us found each other in a standoff, where both of us were aiming at each other but not pulling the trigger. That confirmed that these guys were as desperate as us…. They were no killers, they just wanted to get to safety as well.

But suddenly, a gun misfired from beside me… It seems that the wounded man reached for his gun and was going to take a shot at me, to which Mai sprung into action and knocked him out with her staff. I used this distraction to rush the last remaining assailant and while he did manage to block my attack and fend me off, Mai joined the fight alongside me and turned it into a 2v1.

The man had no chance, as when he attempted to block me, Mai followed up and I did the same. Trading blow to blow, he was overpowered. I put one shot in leg forcing him onto one knee, and another in the shoulder, stopping him from acting. I then finished him off with a pistol whip across his face, ending the fight.

The sudden moment of relief followed up with a spike of pain, like a rose thorn digging deep into my skin.

“Nii…”

“I’m fine, Mai. I just….need a second”

I remember seeing an HP and a SP potion in my inventory while I was looking for my ammo, so I took both of them out of my inventory and used them up. My exhaustion started to fade slightly and my wounds started to close up, along with both my health and stamina bar recovering on my personal UI.

But my moment of solace was interrupted by a scream for help

“NO! LET….ME….GO!” I instantly recognized that voice

“MEGURU!” I instinctively pointed my gun at the man who appeared and Mai followed suite, drawing her bow

I messed up. We only took out 3 people while there were 4. And that last one had flanked us from the other side and now was hold my little sister hostage

“Drop your weapons” He demanded us

“We do that, you kill all of us” I said

“I SAID DROP YOUR WEAPONS, OR THE BRAT DIES”

“NII-CHAN….PLEASE, HELP ME….. Mom, Dad, Onee….please….I don’t want to die” Meguru pleaded

Her words brought back a memory I had once tried very hard to forget. It’s as if it was happening once again

“Alright….alright” I extended my palms, pointing my gun away from him, and slowly bent down to drop it.

“Nii….What are you….”

“Just do it, Mai!” I demanded her

I was defenseless, while I am confident in my skill, I was not as such about my aim. If it was someone like Hayato, he might’ve had the confidence to take the shot….but I was terrified at the thought that I could hit my sister

However, Mai still hesitated as her bow didn’t drop

“DROP THE BOW, BRAT” the man demanded, but Mai was frozen solid

To prove he was serious, the man shot twice. One again in my shoulder and another in my leg, dropping me down to a crouch

“NII-CHAN!” screamed both Mai and the hostage taken Meguru….. but it made Mai drop her bow to check on me who was flinching in pain yet again

“You bastards only had one job…. To die like dogs….. And now, time to honor that role” he pointed his gun at Mai “Now, starting with the brat who shot me”

“Mai…run” I told her, but she was frozen in place.

But the whole situation turned on its head when Misha screamed and rushed the man from his blind spot…. Striking him in the head hard with her retracted Cyber-Gear shield.

The man got thrown back due to the impact, letting Meguru go and who immediately ran towards us. He then fell down to one knee only to get struck again, and into the ground. I held my sisters tight, instantly relieved that they were safe. But what transpired in front of me was something we wish we didn’t see.

Misha’s rage got the better of her, she screamed as he held her shield by the sides and pummeled the man again, and again…and again, until his head caved him and that was left of him was bloody remains. When she was done, her shield was lodged in the guy’s head, caked in bright red blood and bits of flesh… her breathing heavy and the blood splatter on her face made her almost unrecognizable.

She regained her stamina and checked on us

“You guys al….right?”

But the sight of the terrified twins cowering behind me and I stood my ground snapped Misha back to reality. She looked at her hands, covered him blood and was starting to break down

I broke off from my sisters “Misha… look at me”

She slowly started to look down, at what she had done

“No…No… don’t look at that. Look at me” but it was as if my words weren’t getting to her

“SAKURAGI!” but seemed to snap her back, and I got her to look at me as I stepped closer to her

She had snapped, the sorrow in her eyes were showing

“I….I just…. I didn’t mean to” she was struggling to put together her emotions

“I know you didn’t…. It’s fine”

“I just killed somebody”

“That you did…. And you saved us all…. Thank you for that. If you didn't do what you did…..”

“I didn’t have to kill him” her tone was starting to shift, as if she was going to break down crying

But at the moment she collapsed down to her knees, I caught her “It’s alright, it’s wasn’t fault”

She rested her face on my chest and the blood on her smeared onto me, but I didn’t pay it any mind “Jun ... .I'm sorry. I’m afraid, I’m very afraid” she pleaded as she cried her eyes out

“I know you are ... .so am I…..It’s okay…..it’s okay” I whispered to her in the attempts to calm her down.

…..What is happening to us?

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. (2 months later)

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One would think sitting at the same desk and getting an insight into someone would get easier over time, but even if it is a confident know-it-all or a nervous wreck…. It never does.

The latter was sitting right opposite to us. He looked older than any of us, certainly more built too. Mai had put on her skeptical shoes, as she looked unsure as our eyes met… Meguru on the other hand was harder to get an opinion from, as she was stalking the scene from the stairs which is out of sight and out of mind ... .As usual.

The man was looking down, saying not a word and making not a sound…. Is he even breathing?

“Uh…”

“Yes?!” he looked at me and exclaimed, tense as a brick….

“Relax…. There is nothing to be afraid of”

He took the first breath I saw since he entered “Right…. I’m calm”

“So uhm…. Do you mind sharing your profile?” I asked

It seems he started getting more nervous? What’s this about?

“Yeah…sure….. Of course that was mentioned in the notice” he said

I decided to poke into this a bit more “Actually it would’ve been a whole lot easier if you did share your profile to us through the guild….. What made you consider otherwise?”

“I’d rather not say…yet”

Me and Mai look at each other for a second, being equally dumbfounded but I decided I didn’t want to scare him away so I dropped it

“Okay?”

He opened up his interface and gave me access to his personal profile, however unlike most of the other things in this place, profile sharing usually takes a moment to complete unless you have a registered job that involves dealing with people

“I’m sorry, I just realized we completely missed out on introductions….” But before I went through, I was interrupted

“Ah…. That completely went past me. I’m very sorry about that” He bowed, whacked his forehead on the table and predictably, started to flinch in pain

“Ow, ow, ow…. Damn it, nothing is going right today. I’m sorry, I hope that wasn’t disrespectful, messing up a bow”

This guy has cranked the overthinking it dial to an 11

“Ok so how about this ... .deep breath, and we start again. Just, be yourself…. You don’t need to overcompensate….’ I attempted to reset the atmosphere

He took another breath “Right, again….” And he seemed to be much calmer this time.

…..And I thought Meguru had social issues

“Hello, I’m Lawrence”

Now where are getting somewhere

“Lawrence-san….Nice to meet you. I’m Junichi, and this my sister Mai…. We do have two more but…. Let's just say one takes time to warm-up to new people and our other is…. Let’s just forget him for the moment…. Anyways, tell us about yourself”

He reached for a can of soda on the table we had set up for the interviewees, but as a way to make him feel less tense, I mirrored his action as well.

“Right, I’m a hard-covering tank player, peak Diamond in Americas Region…. I play Tremor Axe primary and Minigun secondary, and I can hold frontal pressure and mid-range the best”

“Hard-cover and heavy secondary….You don’t see those kinds of players very often….” But as Mai was expressing her thoughts, the profile share had completed and we could get the details in fine print

I sipped my can and gave his profile a read:

Lawrence Richter, Diamond peaked, Tremor Axe/Minigun, English in origin, and the next point made me choke on my drink…

I took a moment to recover “42 YEARS OF AGE?!” my mental reading suddenly leaked out all of a sudden

“Ah, I knew it would be a problem again. I’m guessing I wasted your time as well….” so that is what he was feeling insecure about

“No, no, no, no, no….. That’s not it, Lawrence-san…. It’s just…. You are two times older than me….. I’m surprised someone your age would game at all”

“Huh?” he suddenly put both his hands on the table and stood up “Let me tell you something, Junichi…. san? I have been gaming way before you were even born…. I might be old, but I still can run circles around you kids…”

Me and Mai were frozen in surprise…… Well his personality just did a full 180.

He immediately sat down “Sorry I….. I got a bit carried away there”

He’s got heart…I’ll give him that….. And I think he is the only one so far that hasn’t belittled us for last week.

“So….I’m out aren’t I?.... I’m too old to be playing with you all, I won’t fit into the newer generation…. I’m washed up for sure? Don’t hold back… That’s what all the others said”

While I doubt any of us are ones to turn someone away because of how old they are, we couldn’t afford to do so even if we wanted to. Our reputation at the Guild right now couldn’t be any lower, and it would be near impossible to find someone else who is not on a high horse or not trying to outright rob us.

“Relax, Lawrence-san…. It ain’t like that”

He slowly lifted his head and looked at me “Really?”

“You said you could run circles around us…. If you are that confident in your skill, I have no reason to doubt you… What about you Mai?” I said looking at her who had been uncomfortably silent this whole time

“Actually, Lawrence-san….” Mai spoke up, breaking her silence “You said you had been looking to team up all this time. I find it hard to believe that you were turned away every single time because of your age”

“Mai, what are you…” but she ignored me

“You had made it all the way to Diamond. The chances are high that you actually had friends that played with you during that grind…. Are you looking to join us to look for them, or are they gone already?”

“MAI!... That’s enough” I get what she was saying, but that’s not the way to go about it

“It’s fine…. She is right. I had a party of friends but…. only me and another made it out….. Actually I wasn’t being completely truthful…. I was offered a spot by a few clans, but I had to refuse”

“What makes you say that?” I inquired

I could sense a shudder in his voice “Because all of them don’t have a sliver of respect for human life. I’ve taken as many lives as I’ve saved, but it never got easier…. If someone doesn’t have to think twice to kill someone, what says that they won’t do the same when it comes to the people closest to them?”

“In that case, why us?” Mai inquired

“I saw what happened to you guys at the Guildhouse last week. NWO goons love to flaunt around their power but what they expect out of that is a fight to the death. But you put the lives of your family over your own, Junichi-san…. The others might have laughed at you, but all you got is my respect for that. And that kind of a man, I can trust to have my back”

He paused for a moment and recomposed himself “Sorry I…. shouldn’t rambled on” he said, letting out a faint, nervous chuckle followed by him chugging down his can of drink

I lacked words from that point onwards….. These past few days, all I have been riddled with is doubt and regret for what happened and what I did that day. But this is the first time I was made to see it in a different light…. And as I looked at Mai, even she was caught by surprise by the looks of it

Mai took over from there for a bit, asking him about more game specific details….Strongest map, weakness in his playstyle and the technicalities about his Gear…. A list of questions that I was sure that it was Meguru who wrote it down and passed over to Mai……

Meanwhile, I sipped my drink and looked through his profile again just to be on the safe side. However I’m glad I did, since another detail stuck out to me

“Typhon?” I involuntarily whispered to myself, but even that faint trace of a word that left my lips, caught Lawrence’s attention

“Quick question, Lawrence-san…. It says here that you first spawned here in Typhon….”

The small amount of composure the man had collected in the past few minutes seemed to have dissipated the moment I asked him that

“Mind if I ask what brought you all the way here?” I continued

“Well, I guess this interview is over” he said suspiciously

“What do you mean?” I pressed him further

He was hesitating, as if he was deciding whether to tell me or not “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you”

“Well it’s now or never isn’t it….. Might as well give it a shot” I asked

He paused yet again and was looking at his hands on his lap “Typhon is…. Is no more”

He tried to end it there, but I didn’t let him “Go on”

“Everything went to shit after The Immortal Tyrant…. you know what I mean…. City became a slaughterhouse, many were concerned about collecting the bounty, it didn't matter who they had to kill along the way…. But the guy whose head had a bounty on…., he got away and most of the people after him gave up ....”

He paused to catch his breath “After that, everything changed… paranoia was at an all-time high, was barely able to move two feet outside without someone getting stabbed or shot…..Few weeks later…it happened”

“What did?” I kept pressing him

“Monsters…. Somehow they kept appearing in the city. It would’ve been fine if it was the garden variety of them…. Spiders, wolves, scavs…. Anyone could’ve dealt with them but…. these weren’t like them, they were like….raid bosses.”

“Monsters in city limits? That’s….”

“Impossible” the usually absent Meguru appeared behind me and finished my sentence

“Nice to see you too, Meguru” I threw out a remark at the one who hides.

“Cities are safe zones from outside dangers….it’s impossible for any kind of mob enemy to cross the gates into the city” she finished her sentence before cowering behind us

“You are right about that….. but somehow they did…. It took many groups to take one down but later on it got worse….People started to go missing and these things started appearing in twos and threes at a time…. Few days later, there was no way anyone could defend against it….. Typhon’s Guild fell immediately and then started the people. Whole city got reduced to rubble and almost all who stood their ground perished….including my group”

He put his hands together on the table “I know what you are thinking…. What a far fetched story…. Is this man expecting us to believe this drivel?”

But at that moment, I remembered the Broker’s words which I dismissed almost immediately. Could this man be planted here by him?

Unlikely…..the Broker deals in existing information…he doesn’t create it. So if he really started off in Typhon and said the same as the Broker. Does that mean Senpai…..

No,no,no…. can’t be…. But this does prove that what Senpai told me was wrong…. He couldn’t have lied to me, he wouldn’t….there has to be some explanation for this

“Uh…Junichi-san?” Lawrence’s call out and the whole room looking at me made me realize that I had been drifting off.

“Ah…sorry, sorry. That was a lot to process all of a sudden”

“Don’t worry, I understand. It’s not a story that anyone would believe, and y'all wouldn’t want someone who tells tall tales instead of the truth in your clan….At least that’s what the others said” Lawrence said, sounding down

“Can you even blame them? I usually keep an open mind but if that’s true, how come that it hasn’t happened anywhere else as of yet” but I interjected the very moment Mai finished her sentence

“Actually no…. I’m willing to believe you” I expressed my standing on his so called ‘tall tale’

Eventhough I cannot confirm Lawrence’s knowledge of the Ghost Broker in front of Mai and Meguru, I know for a fact that now I have two sources that told me the same thing…. Typhon is gone.

I want to believe that Senpai didn’t lie to me, but I know how he works. He never informs others about anything if he wasn’t absolutely sure about it. I find it hard to believe that he was misled by his potential source of information.

I have to talk to him again…There should be an explanation for all of this….There has to be.