Shattered Illusions Part 2

To think that if it wasn’t for that day, I wouldn’t have met the man I aspired to be. I was angry at everything…. About how the authorities didn’t care since how they couldn’t go against the University, about how they didn’t even try to provide closure, and worst of it all…… how no one else cared.

It’s only then I saw how cruel humanity could really be….. If they look different, they are different. If the guilty is more important than the victim, then the guilty is always right. These were a couple of the many twisted principles on how the world works….. And I despised them for it.

But even at the least of it all. I thought he was different.

The rattle of keys led to the lock on the front door clicking open as I was pondering on the top bunk. The sound of footsteps thumped on the wooden floor as the door closed and the lock clicked back close.

“What the hell is with all these boxes?” the one who entered asked himself, he then slowly walked into the main area….he didn’t seem to notice me and proceeded to drop his backpack at the table

“How did you get in here?” Guess he did notice me

“Why don’t you ask the assholes who run this place. It was their idea to throw me in here” I replied, not caring about first impressions

He paused for a second to think and sighed “ Yeah….sounds about right…. At least have the decency to give me a couple week’s notice” he told himself

He then looked straight at me “Got a name?”

“Kanie”

“Not really a people person are you?”

I stood silent

“Well, like it or not….Guess we are stuck with each other till you decide to drop out….”

“You got a problem with me?!” I confronted him about that remark

“No…. Well, not yet at least. But it is the truth….. I’ve already had 3 flat mates this year alone. Only very few survive the Police Academy’s inhuman trials. The rest of the University’s curriculums got nothing on this… You know what, let's drop this for now. Don’t want to discourage you on your first day here”

“It’s not my first day”

He paused for a moment “You were the guy on the roof that day, weren’t you?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about” I feigned ignorance

“Come on, it’s obvious…. Bags under your eyes meaning you haven’t slept in days…possibly haven’t even eaten…clear signs of grief...maybe even survivor’s guilt. You just said that you had no idea about it unless it’s your first day here. That's a clear lie. Everyone knows about it, only no one cares…..”

“Guess you are no different then?” I asked

He turned his back to me and sat on the couch in front of me

“Suicide attempts isn’t new ground for the University. It’s a cruel reminder on how cruel people have become…..Even if I did care, what difference does it make?”

He clapped his hands and reached for his phone “Alright….As a sign of good faith, dinner is on me…. Anything you like?”

“Not interested” I replied

He paused for a second “I know it might feel like it was all your fault ... .that Ash-san would still be here if you….”

“You knew him?” I interjected

“We were acquainted and…. I did some digging into his situation. But it’s like I said, what can I do even if I cared?”

I had no words against that

“Look I know you are hurting, but starving and torturing yourself is not the way to go. If he really was your friend, it’s not what he would’ve wanted”

As much as I was in a rut at the moment, his words made sense…. To what extent was I going to keep this up?

I looked at him moving my gaze away from the hard surface I was sitting on

He suddenly started to get uncomfortable. “Just so you know, pep talk isn’t really my strong suit….”

“Junichi……” he looked at me in confusion “You asked me my name before “It’s Junichi….Junichi Kanie”

He answered with a grin at first “Junichi, huh….. Oh drat, I just realized I didn’t introduce myself…. Yamori Nishigaki, at your presence”

.

.

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(Many years later)

.

.

.

“….turns out he has left for Typhon. Nakamura-san didn’t have time to say it to you guys directly….”

How he looked when he told me that. His words were backed up with confidence….. Was it a ruse? Or was he misled?

I couldn’t picture Senpai in either situation….but

“….there is nothing in Typhon. Because it doesn’t exist anymore”

“Typhon is…. Is no more”

For the past few nights, Misha’s final moments didn’t haunt me, rather, I kept hearing the words of Senpai, the Broker and Lawrence-san one after another…. Eventhough I tried to deny it, the evidence was irrefutable that Senpai was outnumbered 2 to 1 here.

Do I really believe the words of a shady info dealer and a desperate wreck over the one who I aspired to be like for a long time? I didn’t know anymore…

I hadn’t told Meguru and Mai yet to avoid further confusion, but all I could do now is to confront Senpai about it….

Another morning arrived and after breakfast, we left the clan house and towards the crowded market

But before we started to make it through the crowds, I stopped in my tracks as the seed of doubt in my head had sprawled into a tree. To which Mai took notice

“Nii-chan?”

“You two go ahead today, I just remembered I had something to do”

“We can’t really do anything without you here, Nii” Meguru replied

“I won’t take long…. There are the Barracks behind the Arena, you guys can get some practice in with Lawrence-san in the meantime….”

“This is about Akio-nii and Tadashi-nii, isn’t it” I suddenly fell victim to Mai’s perceptiveness.

“How did you….?”

“Nii-chan, are you hiding something from us?” Meguru brings in the follow up, but at this point, might as well let them in on what’s known

“Akio…has gone after Tadashi. After that day with us, he ran into him…. He was hurt and he had gone to Nishigaki-senpai who had pointed him at Tadashi once again. But something’s wrong… I know it. I just need to look into it”.” I gave them the abridged version, omitting what I didn’t want them to hear.

“If you need us to help….”

“NO” I cut Mai off immediately “I know how to get a definite answer, but I need to do this alone…. You guys, I know that… I might be acting a bit too overprotective right now but…. I just need you two to trust me on this”

They both look at each other as if they were communicating telepathically, and followed a slight nod on both sides

“Okay, we’ll be waiting. Just, don’t do anything that would get yourself killed ... .Please?” Mai replied

After a slight pause I replied “Okay”

“Let’s go, Meguru” and a moment later, both of them got more distant from me, disappearing into the morning market crowd.

An uneventful trek later where my focus was split between my surroundings and my thoughts, I found myself in front of the precinct doors, where I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts. But my moment of collection was cut short as I noticed the door lock broken.

I slowly opened the door assuming the worst, but managed to catch a glimpse of senpai at his desk, sounding aggravated. And as I was pulling the door back in the hopes of knocking, it squeaked.

“Who’s there?” Senpai’s voice emanated, followed by his hands slamming on the table

I opened the door slowly once again “I was going to knock but the lock was broken”

He breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that I was no threat to him and started to organize his desk “Junichi…. Yeah, sorry about that. Had a straggler a few days ago, tried to escape and….ended up going head-first into the door handle. Not going to have the time to fix that up before the move”

“The move?”

He froze in place for a second and faced me “Oh yeah…. Let’s just say there’s something big happening soon. And let's also say that I might’ve found a definite solution for my insistence on a solo act”

He put away his files into a drawer and closed it, and it looked like the end of a blood-stained cloth caught onto the end. Senpai was quick to tuck it back into the drawer.

“From how it is going right now, chances are high that I’ll have to relocate” Senpai got up from his chair as he spoke

“Where to?”

“In due time, Kouhai. You know that I never talk about things that are not set in stone….. So, here to correct your defeat a few days ago?” He turned his back to me to pour himself a glass of liquid courage.

And here we go “No, not this time….”

“Hm?”

“Senpai….. are you sure that Akio went to Typhon?”

He stopped what he was doing but didn’t face me “I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t sure now was I?” but now he did look me in the eye “Is there something wrong?”

“No it’s just… it’s just. Maybe, just maybe…. You made a mis…take?”

It was much harder to call him out that what I envisioned in my head

“Mistake? Are you saying that I lied to you?”

“NO….No, I know that you wouldn’t but….” I froze as I didn’t know what to say next….to be precise, I didn’t want to.

“Junichi…. I thought you trusted me”

“I do but….”

He slammed the desk beside him “BUT WHAT KANIE?! SPIT IT OUT”

I was shaking as the thought of our relationship changing for the worse scared me more than Senpai’s intimidation now. But I had to clench my fist and make that leap if I am to take charge.

“I DON’T WANT TO LOSE ANYONE ELSE…. not after…. Ever since Ash-san’s death, you were the only person I could confide in, and years later and even after our paths diverged, that didn’t change. But what did change after all that time is that I got people that have become like brothers and sisters to me. I failed to save Misha and it gnaws at me that Tadashi did what he did and Akio is hell bent on getting back at him. But if he is throwing his life away for a crusade that he has no chance in hell of winning, I need to know.”

I took two steps closer to Senpai “I’m not calling you a liar, I’m just saying that there is a chance that you have been misinformed, or mistaken. If you could….”

“When will you stop lying to yourself, Junichi?” I’ve never heard his voice sound so cold before

“Huh?”

“You failed Sakuragi... You couldn’t bring yourself to take a life to save your… as you put it… your sister. But is that really the truth?.... Here’s something that you might’ve not known, Junichi…but I have met Sakuragi-san before her demise. The very day that she took the lives of four people in the guise of self-defense…you might've run into her back home that day, covered in blood..I might be wrong, but there is a chance…. But you know what I found very interesting?”

He slowly stepped towards me, and started to circle around me like a vulture stalking its prey “Her eyes showed no remorse, so much so that it felt as if killing had become natural to her. You and your twin sisters on the other hand….. I overlooked all of you when you did the Trial of the Wolf. Unlike her, you three were no killers, as a matter of fact….neither was Akio Nakamura. Even after he mindlessly caved in a man’s skull in, he looked broken beyond repair”

He then stopped next to my ear “Just like you were that day” and he then started walking again “Now, let me paint you a picture…. Junichi Kanie. A party member, no…. a close friend, an irreplaceable friend, happens to have no qualms of ending the lives of people who wrong them… but she also happens to be surrounded by a group who don’t even consider murder as the last resort…..”

“Stop” I muttered

“And then she finds herself in a situation. Knife inches above their heart, her grip slipping….”

“Please don’t”

“And her only salvation is someone who is more concerned about the safety of everyone instead of adapting to his new environment. So it made me wonder….” He put his hand on my shoulder from behind, stopping in his tracks “Did you not really pull the trigger because of the fear of the kill, or because you saw it as a solution to ….bigger problem?”

“I SAID STOP!” I shrugged him off and put a bit of distance away from him

And suddenly, his expression changed from cold to surprised.

“Junichi…. I’m sorry I…. I didn’t mean to...” He approached me yet again but I didn’t let him, stepping back as he stepped forth. He stopped in his tracks taking the hint.

“I didn’t mean any of that. It’s just there’s a lot going on right now and….. at least let me apologize, or even make it up to you”

I was suddenly more scared than when I came in “This is exactly what happened to her.” My thoughts at the moment leaked.

I turned around and went to the door “You want to make it up to me? Look into this again, find where Akio and Tadashi really went… And then find where the Senpai I looked up to also got lost to….. Because this isn’t him.” I said without even looking at him

I left the precinct and walked away, until I ducked into the nearby alleyway and got myself out of sight, I leaned against the wall and sat down as a wave of hysteria suddenly washed over me.

“No ... .not him too…his eyes, his composure. It was like I was looking at Misha all over again…. No, calm down Jun, it’s like he said…. He’s got a lot on his mind. It won’t happen to him, it can’t happen to him…. If it does, who am I supposed to….”

My mind started to overload and I could do nothing but clutch my head and yell into the darkness. I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to happen to Senpai, judging from how he managed to survive what many do not…… But I couldn’t stop the flashes of Misha’s last few days with us invading my mind.

I knew everything that Senpai said was right, and it’s the reason it has been haunting me for so long…. Did I really let her die on purpose? That is the question I still didn’t have an answer for.

A few agonizing minutes of reflection later, I forced myself onto my feet. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the precinct…. I didn’t want to see him like that ever again, and I hope that I never will have to.

I had to stop worrying about what has happened and look at what is ahead of me, and the first step of that today, is to get the trial run with Lawrence-san over with today.

Noon arrives just as I find myself facing the entrance to the barracks. And before I made my way in, I slapped myself with both hands to force my dour mood to change.

“Okay, let's do this” I psyched myself up before I walked into the hidden corner of the Arena.

The marble interior and checkered tile resembled more of the Guildhouse than the Arena with the only difference being the person in charge was behind more of a marble podium than a counter.

“Good day to you sir…. Solo training or with a party?” the woman in the green Guild outfit behind the podium asked

“With a party please… actually I think my party is actually in there”

“Understood…..please place your hand here so I can verify your identity” She said, pointing her hand at the top of the podium

The procedure was similar to that of accepting quests at the Guildhouse

“I can most certainly see that Clan Scarlet Knights is indeed in the training area along with a clan-less player. However, you will only be allowed to join after their current training program has finished.

“Training program?” I inquired

“Yes…. They are currently performing the Suppression Break training program which is designed to help..."

"I know what Suppression Break is…. So…. Training programs has been there this whole time…..ever since we showed up in Arc Sanctuary?”

“It has been available even before the current generation, Sir. However, at least here in Helios, it seems that only a handful of people actually participate” she said

So ignoring the flavor text, we’ve been wasting RP jumping straight into matches with rando tanks for nothing then..

“However while you wait, you are free to spectate from the viewing stands if you wish, please head through the door beside me and it will let you through”

And of course my curiosity got the better of me at that moment…. I walked towards the door on the opposite side of the training ground entrance and it slid open when I got close to it. It seemed to work the same way that actual matches work by the looks of it.

I sat on one of the rows of seats available and the dimly lit room transported me into a place that looked like the high stands of a colosseum, where I had a clear view of the action going on in the middle.

Waves of armed dummies, barraging the three players present on the other side of the open ground with only the formation of rock spikes made by Lawrenc-san’s Tremor Axe for cover. Neither of the two damage dealers are reliably able to peak out as they are still under heavy suppression.

As I was looking upon from the stands, I happened to realize that this could serve as a potential surprise test for him. The main duty of a tank player is to create space for the rest of the team to do their role, and to be the main source of defense against enemy suppression.

This is one reason hard-cover weapons are mostly unpopular in CG….the versatility of energy shields is hard to give up. The transparency of the barrier is key in letting IGL’s decide the team’s next move, and shield placement is more flexible and instant in comparison to hard cover.

The fact that Mai and Meguru are still hiding behind the created cover is proof of how hard it is to adapt to. Having no line of sight on any of the enemy’s actions is in most cases, a death sentence… How will you overcome your weakness, Lawrence-san?

As my thought ended, the sound of gunfire died down as most of the dummies had to start reloading, and that is when that lack of noise started to get filled by a loud whirring.

Three seconds later, a barrage of bullets demolished the small rock bunker the three were hiding behind and ended up shredding all the dummies that were at the front and forced the rest to lie down or to fall back.

Meanwhile, the other two went in the opposite directions. Mai to the left and towards the enemies, and Meguru to the right and towards the back. As his minigun barrel started to overheat, Lawrence-san brought down his axe onto the ground one more time, causing a wall of rock to form and cut off the escape route for the enemies who went prone to avoid the barrage of bullets, and another axe strike created an elevation close to him which served as a temporary sniper’s nest for Meguru to use and pick off the rest of them behind the first wall.

“Zoning play?”

I instantly realized how he likes to play. Made sense when I remembered that he did hit Diamond rank in a region more competitive than ours. Using hard cover walls as not only a method of tanking, but for supporting as well. Dictating where your enemies can go and cannot go, and setting up the ideal for your teammates.

His playstyle paid off as well, as the grounded dummies were at the mercy of Mai’s arrows and the ones stuck at the back had no answer to Meguru’s precision shots.

Normally it takes weeks of constant playing with a party to understand how they operate, how they like to play, and where they fall short. And it’s impressive that he was able to adapt to that almost instantly, playing with two people he has never even seen in action before.

Now the next thing I must find out is…. How am I going to have to adapt around that?

However, my time for game-planning and assessing ran out as they cleaned up the field extremely fast and the program ended. I was transported back to the room where I was instructed to leave the same way I came in.

I made my way to the main hall where the woman at the reception locked eyes with me

“You can now join your clan for training and to participate in training programs Sir…. Right through this door please” she said, pointing at the door opposite to her.

Since I was aware of how it works due to the last time I was here with Yamori-senpai, I comfortably found my way to the training area and reunited with the others.

“Ah, Nii-chan…Over here!” Mai waved at me from the shooting range at the far corner of the training area

“Hold your horses, I see you guys” I replied while I closed my distance to the gang

“Jun-kun…. Good morning…or is it… good afternoon? Ah, how long have we been here?” I see Lawrence-san is his usual bundle of nerves, also…

“Jun-kun?”

“Ah…sorry, did I get it wrong?... I asked your glasses sister about it and I recall that was what she said was right considering my…you know… age?”

I sighed “Nah, she got a point, but call me Jun…. no honorifics needed”

“Oh no, no, no… I wouldn’t dare to not use the proper honorific, Englishman’s honor…..” he then faced away from me and looked like he was thinking “Although if we do become good friends, I heard that the Japanese twist names as they see fit… maybe I can call him Kun-Jun then?”

“Oi, what happened to the Englishman's honor?” I remarked

But at that moment I realized another alarming contradiction

“Hold on, rewind back for a second…. You got Meguru talking to you? This soon?” I asked and then looked at the ‘glasses sister’….to which she sighed

“Was I not supposed to?” Lawrence-san asked

“Not supposed to? More like you did the borderline impossible….You know what, forget it”

“You should have a bit more confidence in me, Nii” Meguru spoke up

“Out of the two of you, you are one I have the least confidence in that regard” I replied to that

For the first time ever since we’ve been here, Meguru curled upto her sister

“Onee-chan, Nii is being mean to me” Oh that reeked of sarcasm.

“There, there… he did not mean that… I think” Mai replied

I’ve seen this countless times before….safe to say that their signature prank beatdowns are not far behind…. Here’s hoping that Akio doesn’t walk through that door anytime soon… or that they pick the poor Englishman as a target

“You three are very close, aren’t you?” Lawrence-san stated his observation

“Sometimes, maybe too close for our own good” I replied

All of a sudden, his face turned to one of disbelief and disgust. “ Uh…I heard that Japan has a culture like tha….”

“No, no, no, no, no…. not like that” I immediately shut him down after I realized what just went through his mind “Anyways… let's get back on topic shall we?”

Lawrence-san cleared his throat and reset himself “Right… we did play a few practice programs while you were away and we…”

“That’s alright, I was watching”

“You were watching?” Mai asked

“By the time I came in, you guys were in the middle of a practice program…. Didn’t let me in but they allowed me to spectate from the stands.” I pointed to above the ends of the room

“There was no one there when we were fighting” Meguru said

“I had to enter through another room, maybe that’s why….. Anyways, you like to play more of a zoning playstyle, correct?”

“Actually that’s the only way I can play without…being kicked out of the party”

Felt like he has a lot of experience in that regard

“Lawren-chi’s cover placement is awesome though, Nii-chan. We can definitely adjust to it” said Mai

Lawren-chi? Since when did these two get so close to him? At least good to know they are okay with him

“Lawren-ch…. Shit….Lawrence-san…. How confident are you in facing other tanks head on?” I asked him, hoping nobody picked up on my flub.

He thought for a second “Depends on what kind of a tank it is. I’m weak against energy shielders but I compensate by limiting their lines of sight with wall placements, and also if the enemies run heavy weapons like Anti Material Rifles or RPGs ... .anything that can break my walls easily.”

Line of sight limitation, this is going to be a pain to adapt for me, but an ideal for ones like Mai or Akio.

“Jun-kun, could you brief me about your playstyle… what you use and what you are weak to?”

I didn’t know if it would make a difference but I decided to give in anyways

I approached the shooting range and put both my guns on the desk. And then picked up my rifle and started a full weapon check

“Full mid-range, M4 Carbine, I usually play passive-aggressive close to the tank for selective suppression and short flanks to create openings. My style is heavily line of sight and information based so I struggle heavily when at least either one of those are cut off” I warmed up my aim down the range….few single fires, followed by burst firing the rest of the magazine to get my recoil control down to the gear.

“30 rounds per mag?” asked Lawrence-san

“Yeah” I changed the mag to a fresh one, slapped the bolt release and holstered it

“What about your sidearm?”

I still had no idea where this was going but I went with it “P320, 15 rounds of 9 mil?” I said as I checked and put a few shots from that into the targets down range yet again… few rounds looking down the red dot, and a few with the gun slanted to the side in tac stance.

“I see…. I think I got what I needed, you just have to play as you do normally” he said

“Say what now?”

“This is my trial run isn’t it…. Might as well let me prove myself…. So, are we going to play an actual match?” sounds like he is full of bravado.

Lets see if he can carry over his skills in the range down to the actual competition.

Not exactly running the ideal gear… last few days of constant matches has left our finances in the red….. Ample heals among each of us, and I had enough ammo to last me the match as long as I don’t have to do any spraying and praying.

We entered the matching room and started fine prepping our gear. Low power zoom scope with a canted red dot to help me with medium and close range engagements, angled foregrip on the lower rail and muzzle brake on barrel to lower recoil as much as possible… Wish we had the finances to have some extended mags, but guess the 2 gun users here are stuck with their base capacities.

“Let's go bag ourselves a W, shall we?” I said in the hopes of boosting the other’s spirits.

“Good map” said Meguru, realizing that we might have an advantage in the game

And besides us, was one who was sitting down on the floor with his brooding bringing the whole atmosphere of the spawn room down

“Uh…hello?” Lawrence-san tried to establish contact first

“Welcome to Dhesirah Wastelands “announced the P.A.

Meguru was spot on… Mai’s, Tadashi’s and Akio’s preferred playground.

“Here’s all you need to know. I have two guns, I see an enemy, I shoot the enemy….. Try not to drag me down” said the random looking at all of us

Sheesh, how to tell me you are a solo-queuer without telling me.

“Ah, my apologies…. I didn’t mean to make you mad”

“Well you don’t have to try…. I’ve been losing back to back all day, so try not to drag me down” he said

And those were the last words that I wanted to hear

“You have been losing all day, you should’ve called it quits and tried again when you….”

“Don’t you tell me when to give up….. It’s not my fault all the teammates are garbage. My luck will definitely change in my favor, I will start winning soon” The random went up to the spawn gate, eagerly waiting to get out into the action

I had my hand upto my face and all I could do is sigh in disbelief “Good map, but very…very bad teammate”

“Uh guys, why is that person….”

“Because either he is low rank enough to not know what tilt queuing is, or he thinks that it doesn’t exist anymore since we are not playing behind a mouse and keyboard… Either way, it’s the same as playing with one man down…. Best we can do is forget he exists and just do what we can do” I replied

“Alright, so… Who is IGL’ing?” asked Lawrence-san

I looked at Meguru if she wanted a shot at it, but she gave me a nod of disapproval “Guess that’s going to be me… our third is usually our IGL and he’s away for a bit”

Goddamnit Akio, where the hell did you disappear to? All I could do is forget about him for now.

“Then…What’s the plan, boss?” everyone except the random gathered close to hear what I had to say after Lawrence-san popped the question

“Dhesirah Wastelands is a map with a lot of natural cover, long sightlines and a lot of flank routes. The dusty haze on the map will reduce visibility, so expect their backliners to be using thermals and their scouts and mids to be closing the distance onto us….Meguru, you will have the early game to set up for snipes but I expect them to settle into the flanks once the Artifact spawns. Keep our shotgun at the ready in case someone slips past me in the flanks….. Lawrence-san, give us a spot we can bunker down in with a good sightline to our spawn and spray down the lanes if you see anyone trying to close the gap… Mai, you got the short end of the stick… Back that tilted rando up and if he goes down, you escape or force respawn… Pressure their backliners and pick off the ones trying to heal, you or the random will be our artifact carrier…. One more thing, if anything goes wrong…. Call it out, and we will help bail you out….. Sounds like a plan?” to which everyone nodded with approval

“Lets go” I ended my talk with a clap and the countdown started shortly afterwards.

And the match was about to start

“5….4……3…..2…..1….. Engage”