More Than Just Myself

Shinichi crawls into bed and I wait a little while before I decide to see if my theory is right.

After some time, I climb on top of him, put my hands on his face and close my eyes.

* * *

Once I open my eyes, I’m standing outside a movie theater.

I see myself and Shinichi leave the exit and walk together toward me.

I guess my theory is probably right.

This is not great but I guess the…thing that Shinichi and I fought was weakening his subconscious which let me interact with him.

I mean it’s nice reliving these memories but I was glad to be able to talk to him like I had never died.

Now I am alone again.

Well, I could always talk to Hiroko but, I’m pretty sure she has her hands full trying to raise her son.

Man, I don’t really envy her.

Trying to raise a kid is tough already but imagine doing it as a ghost.

I continue following myself and Shinichi as we head to from what I remember is a small Italian restaurant.

After a few minutes of walking sure enough they enter the restaurant.

I watch the two get seated and start looking through the menu.

“Oh! I know what I want. I think I want the eggplant parmesan. What about you?”

“Hmm, let me see. Ah! I see what I want.”

“What is it?”

“The chicken carbonara sounds really good.”

“Let me see. You’re right that does look good. I’m gonna stick with the eggplant parmesan though but, you’re gonna let me have a taste though, right?”

“What do I get out of this?”

“My undying love.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I don’t have that already?”

Just as my memory self is about to make its retort, the waitress comes to take our order.

“Are you ready to order?”

“Yes, I’ll have the eggplant parmesan with a pinot noir.”

“And for you sir?”

“I’ll get the chicken carbonara with the merlot.”

“Thank you very much, I will be back with your drinks.”

“Thank you.” He replies. “So, back to the question before we were interrupted.”

“Well, you know that movie we saw got me thinking.”

“Oh, how so?”

“If I was in her same position, I might have done the same thing.”

“Really? You’d really sabotage your past self to be with me at that time?”

“Well either way I have you all to myself. Plus, I would never want anyone else to have you even if I died.”

This is a pretty big gut punch, especially in light of how everything is now.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. We’ve been through so many troubles together so; I have no doubt we’ll be together forever.”

Oh, man, this is pretty bad.

I mean yes, I want to be with him forever and I could probably do it if I didn’t use anymore coins but would that really be fair to him?

The waitress returns with our drinks and I watch us raise our glasses to toast.

“Kanpai!”

“I know it’s our anniversary but we also only have one year left in university as well. I can’t believe it’s been six years since we started this journey together.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe I got my project selected to be submitted to the research company.”

“I don’t see why not. You worked very hard on it.”

“Yeah, if they like it, it’ll make applying for a job with them later much easier, I hope.”

“Yeah, we’re so close to the future!”

The waitress arrives at the table with our dinner.

“Eggplant parmesan for the lady and chicken carbonara for the gentleman. Enjoy your meal.”

“Thank you very much.”

I watch the two of us start eating and then the dream starts to fade away.

* * *

I open my eyes and I see that he starts to sit up in bed.

He gets up and goes off to the bathroom.

I get up and start walking around the room.

That dream really got to me.

I was so naive to think that I should be the only one for him ever.

Yeah, I am here but he’s gonna need more than just a few “misplaced items” as gifts given to him here and there.

It’s gonna hurt me a lot but he’s gonna need someone to share the good times and the bad times too.

Someone to keep him grounded but make new dreams with.

He finishes up in the bathroom and goes out the door.

He’s probably going to his work to let them know that he will have an interview tomorrow.

As for me, I need to relax for a bit.

These last few days has been packed so I’m gonna relax and read up.

I go over to the bookshelf and grab the seventh book and continue reading.

Now I will finally know how this story ends, hopefully.

I continue reading but making sure to listen for him if he comes back.

It’s been a while since he left.

I wonder if he’s having trouble getting tomorrow off.

I’m sure he’s fine, everything is set up for him after all.

It’s all in his hands for now.

Yeah, I’m not here to be his mother.

I’m here to help him out to get him back on track.

Besides I only have a few more pages left.

If I don’t see any sign of him after I finish, I’ll see what’s going on.

Some time passes and now I have finally finished The Witches Academy series.

Ahh, that was really good.

Actually, I think Shinichi probably liked the ending, if he read it.

It’s got that nontraditional happy ending he usually likes in his movies.

Now then, I don’t see any sign of him yet.

I’ll just take a peek outside and see if he’s close by.

I pass through the wall of the apartment and look around.

Hmm, he’s not anywhere close by that I can see.

Well, I guess that’s my cue to go see what’s going on.

I close my eyes, put my hands together and think of him.

So where am I?

I…it’s the entrance to the gravesite.

I turn around and see Shinichi walking toward the entrance.

He walks right through me and the entrance.

It’s kinda annoying when people do that.

I know it’s not their fault since they can’t see me but getting people’s random thoughts pop into my head is weird.

Most are pretty ordinary but, every now and then there’s some pretty gross ones.

I follow him into the gravesite and we go to my grave.

He brushes away any debris nearby and sits down in front.

He takes his backpack off and pulls out a convenience store bag.

He pulls out a melon bread and two cans of milk tea and puts one of the cans on top of the marker.

He opens up the melon bread and rips a part off and eats it then opens up the remaining can of milk tea and takes a sip.

It doesn’t seem like he’ll be speaking out loud so, I guess I need to “touch” him and find out what he’s thinking.

I put both of my hands on his back and lay my head on his back as well.

“I know it must seem odd that I am here since it’s not an anniversary or anything. I guess I needed to come here to clear my head and think about a really tough decision. I met the boy you saved. He’s doing well. I went to see his finals project and it’s a really interesting idea. It’ll take a little bit more work to make it close to commercially viable. When I was about to leave, I met his professor who seems to speak very highly of him. At first, I didn’t think much of meeting his professor but, later that night I got an email from him saying that a friend of his mentioned that there was a job opening at his research company.”

He stops to take another piece of melon bread off and eat it followed by another drink of tea.

He continues.

“I just don’t know about taking this job without you. I mean I took the job I did originally because I wanted to build a long and strong life with you. If I were to accept this job what would be the reason to do so?”

He eats the last piece of melon bread and follows it with the last of his tea and sets the can down on the ground.

“I will admit that when I visited him it felt comfortable to be in the lab again. Taking the job is a big step. Do I really have the ability they are looking for? Do I really deserve to this alone? You were always there to keep me grounded so I didn’t get too focused on my research but, will I really be able to do this?”

At that, I walk away from him and to the grave marker.

I push the can sitting on top and guide it to the ground to hit the empty one and make them rest in the formation of the katakana ha.

I reach out to touch him and try to get his thoughts again.

“I think I get it. I was never the one who believed in the paranormal you were but, being here and seeing that, I’ll see it as a sign. Okay, I’ll go to the interview tomorrow.”

He puts his backpack back on, picks up the two cans, sets the full one back on the marker, grabs the melon bread wrapper in his free hand and leaves the gravesite.

I stay behind and grab the can of milk tea and drink it down.

Ahh! So good to have something!

The can falls from my hands and rolls back to the marker.

I feel better about Shinichi now but he’s right.

He’s going to need someone to keep him grounded.

He’s definitely starting to heal but it’s going to take more than just myself to help him continue to heal.

I pick up the can and sneak my way to the exit and drop the can into the recycle bin.

I walk back toward Shinichi’s apartment but decide to stop off at the shopping arcade.

I sigh while looking through the stores until I come to the bookstore.

I look through the books trying to distract me from the undeniable truth, I have to let him find love again.

Yeah, I have to let him live just like Hiroko said, “we are just here to set events back on their proper course.”

Well, even if I find someone for him, it will take time to make sure everything goes well.

Since I’m here I might as well look for something to read in my down times.

Maybe I’ll try that one called “Dominion Lord”.

Oh! What’s this?

“I Was a Spider Now I’m a Witch, What Now?”

Now this…. This is interesting and apparently the last book just came out.

I look around to see if anyone is nearby.

I pull the first book down and set it in the pile of the sixteenth book.

I look around a little more to make sure the area is still clear and then start reading the prologue.

Not bad at all.

I hurriedly put the book back on the shelf.

I will need something to read in the off times and this is sixteen volumes but, each one is about one third he length of the Witches Academy volume.

I mean they are smaller books made to be read quickly with small chapters or multiple chapter breaks.

In my high school days, I could finish one of these in a day easy.

Now that I have a series to read, I can grab a few volumes and return them as I finish them.

I can read it in the empty room for now but, I will need a place to go once the room is occupied.

I guess I could try a manga café?

You know what there might actually be the books there.

I can scope out the place and see.

There is a place not too far from here.

I leave the bookstore and head out of the shopping arcade.

Just out of the other end of the shopping arcade, the end that doesn’t go toward Shinichi’s apartment.

I enter the building and go up a couple of floors.

I pass through the door and see the attendant at the counter helping a customer.

Walking past the two of them, I look around at the shelves.

Lots of manga here, maybe there is a section just for light novels.

As I continue looking at the bookshelves, I notice there are some small rooms about big enough for one person.

I can hide myself away in one of these, I guess.

Yeah, realistically I should be ok in one of these rooms since they should be knocking on the door if it’s closed before they enter.

I mean it’s the courteous thing to do after all.

Well now I gotta see what else is here.

I continue looking at the bookshelves until I see a little area with open seating.

There I also see a few bookshelves with a few of the popular novels and ah here they are.

So, these are the popular ones huh?

There’re two sets of this one that’s over twenty volumes called “Unemployed Rebirth”.

It must be really popular.

I know how these places work.

They will only get multiple of something if it’s really popular and like to have a full set to hook people and keep them in here to spend money.

I could try this one if I don’t see what I’m looking for but, as I think that I see it.

Yes! It’s all coming together.

Now that I got this done, I need to stop putting this part off.

I never been a procrastinator so why am I trying so hard to put the next move off?

OK, yeah, I know it’s obvious I don’t want to lose him to someone else.

He was my first true love and we were together for so long even planning our future together.

It’s not like he cheated on me or anything, I died.

I really need to come to terms with that and think about making him happy.

I fast travel back to Shinichi’s apartment and see him trying on the suit.

He’s just so handsome in that suit.

Can I pick a great suit or what?

I can’t let this look go to waste.

OK, I guess I’ll find someone to share it with or should I say give to and enjoy for me.

I again remember the words Hiroko told me, “We are just here to set events back on their proper course.”

For being my kohai she’s so wise.

Ok, yeah, she is older than me so it makes sense.

I don’t know who to match him up with so I guess I have to rely on the coin again to do its thing and find me someone for him.

I grab a coin from my pocket, close my eyes, bring my hands together and pray.

The coin falls through my hands and I am teleported away.