CERVANTES - Rigged game

   "What's up dude? Why the long face?" Dario asks me, apparently the mood from my call with dad looms still.

     "Got into another argument with my dad" I sitt down in front of my desk, all ready to do some work.

     The same issues with your mother?" perks of being childhood friends, already knows all the issues.

     "Yep. Tho I think what bothers me most is not so much the stress the fight itself produces but the mere fact a topic like that being stressful, at all"

     "But... " He hasn't look away from the computer, that reminds we have lots of work to do.

     "But that doesn't change the fact that, in fact, it is stressful. I know I know" I glance at his screen, crap, forgot we gotta do that.

     "I know I've told you this before, but have you considered, you know, doing what they want at least a little just so they stop nagging you about it?" He stops what he's doing and leans backward, making me feel I'm being scanned.

     "I know that would make things relatively easy but you know, I don't like feeling I'm being pushed to do something I truly don't want to do, and part of it is that I don't even have the opportunities to do what they want, or at least try"

     "That's because you don't go out much, If you don't go out and meet new people you close your opportunities to have a romantic partner or anything close to it so your mother thinks you're at least trying. I know it feels silly, but for people their age (our parents and grandparents and such) getting married and having children was the logical path? What did your mother say to you the other day I was at your place and you said something like 'I don't know why people still have kids'?"

     "She said: 'Because they're human', lol" Dario laughs.

     "Yes. I suppose that's the human thing to do, at least for them"

     "But that's the thing, I don't go out meeting new people because I'm not particularly interested in finding someone, especially if it will feel like I'm just doing it to fulfill my mother's wishes. The other day I was watching that Blue Bug movie, the superhero one and... do you mind spoilers?"

      "I already watched it. I liked it, must say"

     "Perfect. So the dad dies no? And at some point in the movie I think the uncle says his brother had it super bad, they were immigrants so there was a time when they didn't have jobs and gotta figure where to live and such. So he (the dad) basically throws all his self away and puts everything he was and did into providing for the family. It's not like a bad thing or whatever, but made me wonder 'Wow, there wasn't anything he would've liked to be? Anything he would've liked to do?' In the end for some people life is reduced to struggle, for the dad to give away any chance at being any thing else that a provider is so sad man. And when I think about it I panic. That, at any time, one's life can be reduced and you will have no choice but to do whatever the confines of the world lets you do"

     "I feel you man. But I don't think it's a good comparison, your mother only wants you to, eventually, get married, every now and then you should give them some crumbles, that way at least they will know you haven't lost the trail to the path they want you to walk"

     "Maybe. And on top of that the other day something strange happened..."

     "Ah! You know what, let me fix you up with someone"

     "Dario..." I roll my eyes, not actually in the mood to be meeting new people.

     "You're gonna love her trust me, or at least like her a little, even if you don't clicked you can become friends with her, that way the next time your mother tells you she'd like a grandson, you can tell her you're meeting new people and you want to really connect with someone before going all the way. That should get them off your back at least a little" I stick out my tongue, expressing my uneasiness, but maybe...

     "Tell me, how is she?"

     "Now we're talking!" Dario has totally forgotten about the work he was doing.

     "But first tell me, did you go out with her at some point in the past?"

     "No dude relax, she's a friend's friend I've recently met"

     "Good. Go on" I mean, it's not like I'm grossed out by any girl who went out with Dario but, him being how he is, I don't imagine being the kinda guy who would click with someone who previously liked Dario. I feel it's kinda how you know someone who doesn't exactly share your tastes so any recommendation he gives you you'll take it with a grain of salt.

     Dario tells me about this girl. Actually, she seems (sounds?) nice. But hey, new flavor of potato chips. You gotta give it a try before anything. What actually bugs me is the time and effort this takes. When you get outta bed, even (or precisely) if you feel tired and you don't want to, somehow you know the effort will pay out, you're gonna put one leg after the other and in the end that will take you where you wanna go. Maybe the bathroom, maybe the kitchen, but the effort will actually pay out, most of the times. But every time I do something like this, with this specific purpose, what drags me down is the feeling that maybe it isn't worth it at all.

     Like this one time I met a girl a few years ago in the city, I was at a bar with some friends, we were chatting and everything was pretty much chill by all means, I go to a bathroom and on my way back this girl just pulls me aside and asks me if I was seeing someone. Truth be told, she was gorgeous and that day specifically I was feeling good looking too. It turned out she was watching me being with my friends for a while and thought it would be cool getting to know me. We talked a little, Tanya was her name. At the end of the day we exchanged numbers and agreed we should meet again soon.

     Saw her a couple of times, never something serious, but at some point I noticed I was feeling heavy on my knees when we were going to meet. At the moment I asked myself why, everything was fun and I really enjoyed spending time with her. But the realization of the weight, of the fact that I preferred on those occasions to stay in home reading or watching a movie, guess it was over, thought at the moment that maybe, somehow, we didn't need to do that anymore. But I often wonder, is that feeling of not wanting to do something really that big of a deal to not do something when, if you think it thoroughly, it is worth it? Was it worth it? Shouldn't love lift the weight off your knees instead of pouring glue? Should I think about it more logically or trusting your guts is the way to go? Either way, regarding this case... I should take into account the gift from the old lady.

     "Lovely girl, I tell you... Are you listening?" Dario has noticed my mental wandering.

     "Yeah sorry. I was just thinking of some things I want to do"

     "As usual"

     "But tell me. Talking about love, how do you know when someone is worth your time?" I feel like I'm in high school again, all my conversations somehow ending up being about love. Ugh.

     "So that was on your mind" Dario laughs, at some point we're gonna have to get some work done "Look, actually, you can never know. I've dated a lot and sometimes, as you know, have been a lot of fun, but other times... jeez, you know what I mean. But now that you put it that way. I guess it all boils down to how each person, well, at least you and me enjoy our free time. I enjoy meeting new people, either way, romantically or not, and spending time with them, going out with them, with a girlfriend or friend, you for example, is what I like doing. But for someone like you that, for simplicity's sake, is an introvert "I pout aggressively, Dario smiles aggressively. "Who enjoys his time reading books and watching movies and series and whatnot, you know, I understand you not being the most I-love-spending-my-free-time-with-new-people person. I know. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... you won't know until you're already there. You can take hints, at the end you're not going out with some random girl no one has provided you information about, this girl has my approval, kinda, for what is worth, that way you can know people and be sure it is not going to be a total waste of time. You have my word. Hey, new flavor of potato chips."

     "Gotta try it first" I smile.

     "Gotta try it first, you know it" Dario turns around, facing his computer, it's time we get some work done "On a different note, Miguel told me something about the prizes for the competition"

     "What competition?"

     "The one about efficiency"

     "Right" I nod "So.. prizes?"

     "It seems that the first five places are gonna get some tickets for a private party the boss is financing. We're basically being thrown at a party where we might not know anyone. It seems someone on the top came up with the idea, provided we here are only relatively young people, I can only imagine they are trying to connect with us younger generations... lame."

     "So lame" I burst out laughing "Always hate when an older person thinks they get young people" Well. Maybe it's a good thing. That way I know I don't have to put too much pressure over the whole competition, seeing as the other prizes might be something lamer or cheaper.

     "Don't be like that, I mean, even tho I said what I said, being the town as relatively small as it is, we are definitely going to know someone. The moment I know where it is going to be held I'm gonna start asking who is attending" I can feel the excitement shooting out through Dario's pores.

     "You know when is it supposed to be held? The party I mean"

     "Nope, but it is strange I haven't heard anything yet. Maybe they're just tuning details, seeing who they're gonna invite, etc. etc."

     "Let's see how this plays out. I don't have intentions of going to the party but I'd like to win for honor's sake. So I'm a little conflicted" Take my coffee outta my bag, in desperate need for caffeine.

     "If we both win you know I'm gonna drag you to the party" Dario extends his hand, I share my coffee with him. It seems he's almost finished what he was doing.

     "I know I know" He hands me back my coffee.

     Efficiency huh? Heard about the competition the other day but I was waiting for more information to actually start worrying about the whole ordeal. Considering this is a newly created division, concerned mainly with creative and "artistic" aspects of the work, I think it's interesting they're thinking this soon ways of augmenting certain aspects. Giving we are the creative ones, I expect the competition isn't about creating a sheet of data and information dumps where we demonstrate with numbers efficiency for efficiency's sake. But hey, smarter looking people have disappointed me before, wouldn't come as a surprise we ended up doing exactly that while I am here thinking this was the job that, at least,was gonna be different than the other options. Might as well start looking for the other options indeed.

     "You know what?" I ask Dario while I bite a piece of my sandwich. Lunch already, time really flies by.

      "Wut?" brittish accent, such a diva.

     "Remember the great depression from last year?"

     "I'm assuming you're referring to YOUR great depression and not the crash of the stock market?"

      "Of course. The only depression that matters, duh. Anyway, the other day I was kinda bored so I take out my brother's game console"

     "Wait, hasn't Caro moved with your parents with all of his stuff?"

     "Yes, but this was his old console. So he let it here for when they visit. As I was saying, I took it out and found this old game about the black fluffy balls you must keep going or else you lose if they end up out of screen, remember it?"

     "Yes I know the one. What is with it?"

     "So I remembered that was the game I played a lot during the great depression. The whole aura of it just went with me. And I thought, 'hey, isn't life like a rigged game?' " Bite to my sandwich, Dario's focused on me, even after all this time hearing at my reflections and overexaggerated thoughts, he still hears me every time, that's why I love the man "See, what would you told me if I were to say to you that I'm gonna hook you up with a game, you absolutely can't say no, you don't even know if you're gonna like it, but once you start it you're never gonna be able to stop until you finish it or lose (with dire consequences), and you won't get another chance, like ever. You won't even get a hint or help at the start" Bite bite at the sandwich "What would you say?"

     "Uhmmm..." Dario seems genuinely intrigued "That absolutely not. Too much risk, super low probabilities of actually having fun" he sips his soda, clear answer, doesn't roam too much on the philosophical implications of... well, anything. Maybe that's why he seems happier than me.

     "Exactly. That's how I see life. You can't save your progress or restart. You're just thrown into this world without a saying in it and you can't pause the damn thing even if you need to catch a break or you're realizing that everything is messed up, you gotta keep going until you finish the game or it finishes you" huh, my sandwich is already gone, Dario is thinking, his eyebrows high as a kite.

     "You're right. In a very pessimistic view of the affairs you're absolutely right. Statistically speaking, maybe it isn't worth it but that lefts out every good thing anyone may have- Dario yawns, hard thinking always makes him sleepy"

     "Ahmmm... ok tell me a good thing, for example"

     "For example" he opens his eyes, as if he just came up with an idea "let's see what your mother always tells you, maybe you get married to the woman of your dreams and that makes you unbelievably happy for the rest of your life. Wouldn't that be a good thing to happen to you?"

     "So you're telling me that, for the chance of living happily married, which a lot of the times doesn't happen, you know, divorce rate and all, you would risk dying and suffering from cancer? If I were to tell you you have a fifty percent chance of finding the love of your life and fifty percent chance of getting cancer at a young age, would you take the risk? And that assuming is gonna be the love of your life and all in all, everything good is gonna trump the bad" I think I'm winning the argument, not that it matters...

     "Ok I see your point. Still..." Dario looks up to the sky "I think life is worth living, even if anyone gives you the chance to backup from living it"

     "Me? I don't know... Sometimes I feel this is all an experiment, we as a humanity, to see how far we can get, or how many x thing we can produce. Maybe that's the whole point, to see if, at the end of the day, we deserve living because we make the world a better place than we make it a bad one"

     "In that case, I'd agree with you. Just given the current global state of affairs" Dario suddenly looks down. Gonna try to cheer him up a little.

     "Or maybe this is someone else's story, don't you think? Maybe God or any supradimensional being of your choosing is writing this story and everything else is a side effect that, in the end, doesn't even matter. You don't worry about climate change in a love story, do you?"

     "Unless the story demands it" He laughs "Love in times of climate change: does it really matter who you end up with when the whole world is going down?"-I laugh too.

     "Precisely! It is love really worth the moving forward of the plot? Should love be what propels you out of bed every morning? And what kinda love? Do we really know love?" A sudden breeze makes me wonder about the time "Crap, we should go inside now" We both get up the chairs, throw our trash in the can and go inside, a man's gotta do what he's gotta do.

     "Maybe you should ask Miss Ursula about love, I bet she would have a more optimistic view of the world and love's place in it"

     "Maybe I will, actually, I'm going to lend her a hand later. It will depend on his mood she's not always glad to talk about his dead husband"