Chapter 45 - Confusion

In the end, the decision had come easy. It was accepting it that was hard.

After talking with her sons, Hanna had locked herself in her workroom with Harry. She had claimed she needed time to work out her feelings.

Silinth was lying down some security measures down at the passage they had arrived through. He had taken Kefo and Tiff with him to show how to do it.

Nordly was running around the complex, preparing for an evacuation, while Bazil took care of the shop.

Andrew had just stared at them. He had left Mila with a single question before retiring to his room.

“When we came to this damned world, you stood up for me and Isabel. Why can’t you extend that kindness to others?”

And Mila didn’t have an answer. It was the simple kindness they had shown to her that had made her do it. It was that simple. There had been a sense of camaraderie as they were in the same boat.

Mila didn’t have anything like that with others. Even when she had helped Tiff, it had been because of different considerations.

Was it? Mila pondered. Tiff’s tears had certainly impacted her decision-making. Had they?

It was hard to tell, and Mila felt her head hurt. What was the difference really?

No matter how hard Mila tried, she couldn’t work it out. Isabel and Andrew, at this point, even Tiff and Kefo were different.

They were on her side while the rest weren’t. Wasn’t that enough?

“You, okay?” Isabel looked at her in worry.

They were currently in the courtyard, enjoying the sunny day. Mila had wanted more space than their rooms could offer to pace around while Isabel sat on the side, watching her.

“I am.” Mila’s mind kept wandering. There still was no solution.

“If you say so…” Isabel followed her with her eyes.

“I am.”

“Yeah, that just proves you aren’t.” Isabel pointed out. “Mila?”

“I am.” Came an automatic answer. Mila felt there was something she was missing, but because it was, she couldn’t name it.

“Mila?”

Finally, she stopped. Mila turned to face Isabel. “Do you think there is something wrong with me?” She asked before immediately continuing. “No, that’s not the right question. What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Uh,” Isabel shifted on the bench uncomfortably. “Nothing?” She tried.

“This isn’t time for that.” Mila resumed her pacing.

Silinth, with Kefo and Tiff, headed for the main building. They had finished what they were doing underground.

“No, wait, let me think.” Isabel furrowed her brows. “You are overconfident and kind of scary sometimes.” She began listing. “You don’t read the room very well, and sometimes you do this thing where you stare at me while ignoring everything else. It’s nice, but I don’t think the rest appreciate it.”

“You are terrible with small talk and can come off as rude. You don’t really care about other people's opinions and have zero interest in their lives.”

Mila kept listening, her pace slowing down. “Uh, Isa-”

But Isabel kept speaking. “And you can be cruel. It is kind of ho- no, not that. And you don’t take care of yourself. How do you keep your skin that clean anyway? It looks so smooth. And then you have this habit of touching.” She started to blush. “And it kind of bothers me, but I want you to do it more? And you keep saying this sweet stuff that makes my heart race. Oh, and you are overprotective of me. It should be me who protects you!”

“Isab-”

“Ah, but I don’t mind you protecting me.” Isabel kept rambling. “But you should rely on me more. You are not alone. Yes. You have me.” She nodded along her words. “And you keep a lot of secrets. It gives you this mysterious air, you know? And-”

“Isabel!” Mila finally couldn’t bear it anymore. She wished to find a hole and crawl into it. “That’s quite enough.” This wasn’t what she had expected.

Was Isabel boasting or trying to shame her into nonexistence?

“Oh!” Isabel’s eyes grew wide, and started to look for an escape route. Seeing Silinth with his two students vanish inside the building, she jumped on her feet and rushed after them. “Gotta go, bye!

Perhaps Isabel wasn’t the right person to answer such a loaded question. But Mila didn’t trust anyone else to do it either.

Only Andrew came to her mind, who could do something similar. But Mila really didn’t want to talk to him. It was his fault she was feeling at a loss now.

So, Mila continued to pace. It didn’t help that she was tired. Her body demanded a rest. She completely missed the moment Nordly appeared and sat down where Isabel had been.

And the boy continued to sit in silence until Mila finally turned her attention towards him.

Mila was at first taken aback. Nordly was wearing a colourful garb, dominated by yellow and blue. On top of his head sat a small hate with a feather that reminded her of a rainbow. He looked up and smiled sadly.

“So they did lie to me about what you like, huh?” Nordly sighed. “Didin’t even make you smile.” He looked at the ground once more.

“It is-” Mila tried to find a description. “- certainly vibrant.”

“Yeah. Bazil told me you like girls, but I-” Nordly rubbed his eye. “I still hoped you would look at me. I wanted you to smile, but you-”

Mila chose to stay silent. She didn’t feel there was anything she could say to mend a broken heart.

“You smile only when you are with that Isabel girl.” Nordly pushed his fingers through his hair and tore the gaudy hat off of his head. “But I thought-” He laughed bitterly. “I thought I could take it slow and grow closer to you with time, but now…”

“What will happen to us now, Mila?” Nordly failed to control his tears. “This is our home.”

“Your mother has a plan for an occasion like this,” Mila stated. “As I understand, you have been taught how your family has operated for a long time.”

“She just told us to get ready.” He didn’t listen. “We are to leave our house and friends, everything we know, by tomorrow evening.” He complained. “What happened? Everything was just fine yesterday!” Nordly half-shouted and was startled by his own voice. “Shit! No one tells me shit! Everyone treats me like a child!”

But Mila had no answer. So once again, she said nothing. And neither did Nordly continue. He sat there and cried. After a while, the tears stopped, and he left.

While Mila felt there was something wrong, she couldn’t name the feeling. It was frustrating to not be in control of her mind. She had worked for so long to be tough. To keep herself sane.

“This is going nowhere.” Mila gave up. Her mind was too blurry. She finally decided to have a rest before their unwanted new companions showed up.

Finally, after making one last round to see if anything new had crept up, Mila found herself in a bed.

With her mind still muddled, Mila found herself quick asleep.

—

“Faster!” The man shouted while driving his own horse towards death. Any more and the poor creature would collapse.

Despite that, the man did not relent. He kept hitting his horse to make it go ever faster.

Mila felt the man’s tense body, his quick heartbeat, his fingers clenching. “FASTER!” He screamed.

The man glanced behind and searched the tree line. The night’s darkness and cloudy sky made it difficult to see anything.

A moment later, he saw them. Pursuers. They were shouting, trying to stop him. They were trying to make him turn back.

And Mila heard it with him. These pursuers were begging the man to not go. To not abandon his position. To pretend he did not know about that order.

What order? Mila wondered. Her mind still was sluggish. It would get better. She tried to grasp what was happening. Why now? It had been so long since the last dream of another person’s life. And the last one had a message. Would this one, too?

But the man did not stop. He kept muttering to himself, wishing for the order to be lies. Hoping this was a dream. Begging this was not a reality.

The wind blew in his face. Mila enjoyed the breeze as it cleared her jumbled thoughts. But the man did not. He cursed and cried.

And as the time went on, the pursuers started to lag behind. They could not keep up, but the man did not stop.

If anything, he drove his horse harder.

Mila waited. It was possible this dream would take time. There was never a way to tell.

When fifteen minutes later, the horse collapsed and drew its last breath, the man continued on foot. He ran with all his strength.

The feeling of exhaustion was unfiltered. Mila felt it, too. The man did not spare his mana and enforced his legs, making each step he took that much longer.

And soon, a blaze ahead illuminated the horizon. The man once more begged for this to be a lie.

“No! Elly! Old Erl!” He stumbled and fell. His face hit the ground, but he did not care. The next moment, he was up and ran again.

Slowly, a city covered in inferno came into view. The flames rose towards the sky, tearing the buildings apart. Screams of horror and disbelief reached the man’s ears.

Fighting too. It was heavy. Various spells flashed through the sky, joining the fire in giving light.

The sound of impacts and explosions overcame everything else for a moment before the screams resumed.

“No!” The man whispered. He closed in on the walls, searching for a way to enter.

It was at that point that Mila recognised the city. Merekly. The city that gave them a headache. It was deep in enemy territory and served as a supply point.

Food and weapons flowed through Merekly towards the frontlines. Soldiers as well.

A decision was made to try and sabotage their infrastructure. An attempt to cripple this line to ease the desperate situation their forces were facing.

And it had been successful. Mila had lived through a dream that had dealt with this city before. She had been a woman who had helped their forces infiltrate Merekly.

The woman had died at the start of the operation, overcome by the superior numbers of defenders. She had not seen what came after.

But as Mila saw now, the plan had succeeded. No, she already knew it had. The dreams were loosely interconnected but never in order.

The man found a way through. There was a crack in the walls, where a devastating spell had torn through the defensive instalment.

And immediately, he found himself in between people screaming and running as they tried to quell the fires.

He pushed through. His own voice mixed with the cacophony of pleas. Again and again, he called out for Elly.

There was so much destruction and blood and limbs. Chunks and bits and pieces of once sentient beings.

And the battle raged on. Mila understood. She had seen this before. Partaken in the planning.

Those people who were sent here…

They were not expected to return.

So they clawed and rampaged. Each time their comrade fell, they grew more rampant.

Each time one of the defenders fell, a new one rose in place to take on the mantle. They defended their home and loved ones. One's life was a small price to pay for what they cherished.

It was a chaos at its worst.

The man was lucky. He didn’t notice as he searched for something, but Mila did. She saw with his eyes how deadly projectiles punctured the buildings next to him.

Some people exclaimed and pointed at him. It was fear and anger on their faces.

This man was part of the terrorists. He carried their emblem. He was an enemy.

But the man didn’t. He cried and stumbled forward, finally arriving at his destination.

He stood in front of a burning building. His eyes landed on a decapitated body. The head could not be seen anywhere. The blood painted the woman’s corpse vividly in the fiery light.

“No-” The man’s body grew stiff. He struggled to walk but did anyway. His feet dragged as people around him parted and pointed at him in anger.

The man reached the corpse and fell on his knees in front of it. “Elly…” He whispered. “Elly…” His lips knew no other words. “Elly…” His palms landed on the unresponsive body.

“There!” Behind the man, people shouted. “He is one of them.” Someone pointed. “THEY DID IT!” There was a claim.

“Elly…”

A sharp object penetrated through the man’s chest. He gasped, unable to breathe again. “... Elly…” His last words called out the most important person in his life.

“WE DID IT!” People behind him cheered. “Careful! There is more!” There was a warning.

The chaos continued.

And as the man died, Mila was left in shock.

This all was normal. It was just another horrid story among the many. Mila knew it. She had partaken. It was how wars were.

What did this mean?

This was normal.

Mila didn’t feel well. She felt sick.

This was how the world worked. It wasn’t pretty. It was normal.

Mila wanted to see Isabel.

After the night, a new day would follow. She would endure.

Mila felt her mind halt. It was hard to think.

What did this mean? Why now?

Mila didn’t want to think.