Hope for the Best

Adanita watched as the pillar of black fire darkened the skies and engulfed the clearing. She felt the heat on her skin, she breathed in the sulfur, and she stood as the shadows twisted around her.

But they did not touch her.

They did not harm her.

Teo and the brothers were coughing their souls out, choking on the smoke. Ah, it dawned to her. I'm not really here. Of course. She was dead.

She didn't exist.

Suddenly there was a new distance between her and this place. Teo was holding onto a hand, but it wasn't her hand. Rosamund was talking, but she couldn't hear his words. She was dead. She died. There was nothing here.

She needed to run. She needed to escape. If she stayed as she was, Rosamund and others will surely kill her again. He will kill her. She will die. She barely defeated Lilac. The three men now saw for themselves the monster that she was. Once they turn on her, it was over. She needed to get away, somewhere far. Something she needed to do ages ago, instead of coming here.

She stumbled, feeling ill. She couldn't understand why. The smoke didn't affect her at all, so she shouldn't be feeling dizzy. The trees around her twisted and distorted as she walked, feeling as if she was trying to keep balance on a sinking ship. Duchess' words echoed in her ears, there was buzzing and laughter, and a quiet whisper following her as she bounced from a tree trunk to a tree trunk, trying to keep herself from falling. Her heart was beating in her ears in the rhythm of her suffering mind.

Run. Run, run, run! Run!

She needed to escape. She needed to get away. She needed to- to-

"-nita! Catch!"

Something small and light hit her in the back of her head.

She drew her cutlass and swung it as she turned around, ready to kill. Another small object flew towards her and she slit it in half. It took her a second to realize it was thrown by Rosamund. He stood a few meters away, out of her immediate reach, calmly staring her down. Her breathing sped up as panic made her skin crawl. She was- she didn't mean to-

"Catch!" he shouted again, tossing another little thing towards her. She instinctively grabbed onto it with her free hand. Completely lost, she looked down at what she was holding.

A... a pinecone? What was going on? She didn't understand what he was doing at all.

"Did it work?" he asked.

"What?" she asked desperately. The distress made her vision blurry, she was shivering on the verge of tears.

He pointed at the pinecone in her hand, with a calm and cold expression. He spoke with a deathly serious voice.

"Pine-y for your thoughts."

"W- what?"

"Pine-y for your thoughts," he calmly repeated.

Pine-y for your- penny. Penny for- oh gods, maybe she should just kill him. It took her a moment to realize she was laughing. Tears soon followed, too. She felt like a trembling, bumbling mess in front of the man. But she was back. It worked.

"Adanita," he said, still keeping a calm and serious voice. "I need you to drop your weapons. Sheathe the cutlass, undo the belt, and throw them away."
"I- I'm sorry. I almost- I didn't mean to-"
"I know. You are in severe distress right now and you reacted like that on instinct. It is not your fault. I understand. However, you have returned to sanity now. You know you are not in danger from me. I need you to get rid of your swords first, and then we will sit down and talk about this."
He wasn't asking, he was telling her. His voice was patient and monotonous, calming her down enough that she could do as he said. The belt with the swords ended up on the ground a few meters to the side.

"There we go. It is much better like this, isn't it? Let's sit down," he said, finally coming closer.
"I'm sorry," she hollowly said. She took a seat on the ground under a tree, with her back against the trunk. She hugged her knees, feeling horrible and small. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Really now," he said, sitting down next to her, completely unbothered by the fact she almost killed him. "Do you really think I never lashed out like this in my younger days? You've experienced death, what, two or three months ago? I'm not sure you're aware of just how well you're holding up. Whenever I compare myself to you, I only wish to go home and apologize to my parents one more time."
She let out a small laugh.
"Of course," he added, "I do not condone this in the slightest. You were going to attack me if I wasn't this careful. You need to learn to keep yourself in check. I know it will be a long, difficult process. As long as you work hard and we manage to avoid anyone actually getting injured, I am willing to give you a pass. Do you understand?"
She nodded. "Aye. And- I'm sorry."
"I know. I forgive you. It is hardly the first time I needed to talk someone out of killing me, you know? You're not special."

She let out another small laugh. His ability to keep a completely straight face while saying the most outrageous, absurd things, was amazing. He graced her with another small smile, and offered his elbow to her. After a moment of hesitation, she placed her hand around it, and he nicely snugged it, putting his own hand over hers. What a sweet, tender man.

She couldn't help it. She started to cry again. She was feeling horrible and she was being comforted by a man she almost- a man she killed once before. He was patiently and silently waiting for her to stop being a weeping mess. Every time she tried to get herself under control, she only got worse until she was just silently trembling next to him.

"How did you like my wordplay?" he asked.
She sobbed. "It was horrible," she said. She was still holding onto the pinecone.
"Really, now. I find myself rather funny."
"You are not."
"In that case, next time you will get the same treatment as Lilac. I throw shoes at him," he said. He looked around in deep thought. "Although I worried that if I had missed, I'd need to go and get it before I can continue following you."
"You often miss?"
"No. Lilac improved my aim, as you may have noticed."
She couldn't help laughing again, wiping her face with her sleeve. He offered another careful smile.

"Tell me what's on your mind," he said.

Oh gods. What wasn't?

"I think I was meant for hell."

She felt his arm twitched in shock. He sat there in alarmed silence with a small frown on his face.

"To be frank, I didn't expect your mind to go to such a dark place... although, now I am not sure what I expected. Do you think you deserve to die and go to hell?" he asked.
"Maybe! I don't know. I am a pirate, for gods' sakes. I stole from and killed people."
"So did an average military leader from Bretonia. I really hope gods wouldn't judge us by the laws set by humans, the double standards would be astonishing. You're not any worse than a Queen protecting her people, which is what you are." He let out a sigh. "The world is difficult and complicated. We've both wronged people who would believe we deserve hell. If it means anything to you, I don't think you do. I don't believe in eternal punishment anyway. If you truly think you are as horrible and vile to deserve something like that, then there is only one thing you can do. You died and you were given another chance. Redeem yourself. Do better, live a good life, and be happy. That is all there is to it."
"Easy for you to say," she said.
"Ah yes, I am not shedding infernal glitter all over the place," he said. "Clearly that must mean I am much more of a better person than you."
"Hah! So what am I supposed to do, then? What am I to think of this?!"
"I do have a few things to discuss with you, but it can wait a few more moments. Adanita," he said. "Whatever this turns out to be, I don't think you are an irredeemable monster, devil, hellspawn, or anything of similar sort. You suffered through a horrible, traumatic event. You are hurt. You can heal. You will get better in time." He managed to keep his voice calm, but his hand was tightly holding onto hers. Was he trying to convince himself? That she- no. That he can do all this, too.

Right. They were the same. She looked away, not really knowing what to say. If he got this far... maybe she could, too.

"When I was reading your notes on the future," he added, "I couldn't really gloss over how lonely you sounded. You had nobody to turn to and it shows in your writing. It is a difficult situation to be in."
"I was nothing back then," Adanita said. She didn't intend to say it this much force. She took a breath to calm down. "To them, I was just a wild beast. And I entered the cage on my own. I- I couldn't just leave, either. I mean, I could. But if I had turned to piracy again, there would have been no mercy. So I... stayed. And died."
"You are not alone," he firmly said. "Never again. Teodolit died by your side, and he knows it. He is still here for you anyway. He is waiting for our return as we speak. Ekliptik looks up to you. Your people are here for you, even if they don't know everything. And- well. I am too. Lilac and Nivelir will always support me, and that means they will always support you too. You cannot heal overnight, you can't be cured with a few words either, but we are here for you. You will be fine. One morning, you will wake up and your first thought will be that it's a lovely day, and you will be alright."
"What if I'm not as strong as you?"
"There is no if. I know you aren't," he said directly. "You are stronger."
"Hah."

She couldn't help smiling. She was still crying, but she was feeling a bit better.

"Now, about that hellfire."

She tensed up, fearing what was coming. He easily noticed and started caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. Well, if it was coming from Rosamund, it was fine.

"It didn't affect me at all," she said.
"Yes. I've noticed. I've also remembered you mentioned it to me once, in a way. You described your nightmares to me, remember?"
Did she really need to think about it now? "What about it?"
"You said that in your dream, the rope around your neck glowed black. Would it have been... anything like this?"

Oh. Oh gods.

"Aye."

"Interesting. I think that it's not unreasonable to suppose there may have been something strange about the rope you were hanged with, then."
"So it wasn't a prophecy, then. Or my madness. It really happened." She couldn't decide whether that was better or worse than the alternatives.
"That, or you've somehow caught the attention of a devil, I suppose. Although, I don't know if they'd just torment random people like this. For more information, I will have to have a look into the royal library... ah, but they will notice what I'm looking for. I will think of something," he promised.
"Right. Thank you."
"Any time, Captain. Let's return now. Your friends are waiting for you."
"Just... one moment longer. Please."
"Of course. Take your time. Tell you what, take the whole day off. I will go to the Capital and speak with Alberic alone. It will be alright. I can manage him."
"But we planned to go together."
"And you are feeling unwell. It's alright to rely on others when you can't do something. Nivelir arrested Khamil for me, and it worked out marvelously."
"You were poisoned," she pointed out.
"My body, yes. You have poison in your mind, though. It also needs time to wear off. You will feel better tomorrow."

Hah. She just needed a few more quiet minutes, nothing more. She wasn't feeling as horrible as before, but she wasn't well. New ideas and different thoughts swirled around her mind. If she tried to get up, she felt as if she'd be so dizzy she would fall. She didn't need the day off... but maybe it was a good idea nonetheless. Somehow, she felt tired even though it was still morning.

"You are very patient," she said.
"I am very old," he said.
"You don't look a day over ninety," she promised with a smile. For once, he also laughed. It was a very rare occurrence, but it was worth the wait. She liked how his cold face softened up. She would like to see him happy more often. She suddenly felt pain when she realized once again that she had almost killed him for the second time.

"I'm... I'm sorry," she repeated. "I almost-"
"No, you did not. For gods' sakes, Adanita, this is not the first time I had to deal with something like this. I knew to stay out of your range."
"But if I-"
He stopped her with an impatient sigh and moved the arm she was holding onto. She let him go, and he reached into his coat to take out a flintlock he had creatively hidden in a holster under his right arm. She paused in quiet shock. She had no idea he had it.

Rosamund held the gun with only his fingertips for a few moments. He looked at it with a strange expression, a mix of disdain and loving care. Then he unceremoniously tossed it out of his reach. "I am a pacifist, Captain. I am not an idiot."
"Hah. I suppose not. Do you always carry it?"
"Yes."
"Good. I'm glad. I don't think I can be there to save your life every time."
He managed to keep a straight face, but she could see he was intentionally holding back a smile. "You can't be serious. You've saved my life four times. I couldn't find a better guard anywhere in the world. I can't let you get away. If you do it one more time, I'm afraid I'll have no other choice but to ask you to marry me."
"Is that so? And what if I'd say yes?" she asked with a smile.
"Well, then I would have to arrange everything. Considering today, I don't think it would be a good idea to hold the ceremony in a church."
She burst into laughter as he was getting up. He dusted his clothes and offered her a hand. She didn't exactly need his help but she took it anyway. They picked up their weapons and he offered her his arm again with a small bow.

"Hah. You really know how to treat a lady," she said, placing her hand around his elbow again.
"Throw pinecones," he said. "Hope for the best."

She let him lead them back with a smile, feeling better. It wasn't just his perfectly timed humor, she noticed. He really cared and listened to her. It felt... nice.

Teo and Lilac were waiting for them, both clearly concerned with how long it took for them to return. Teo clumsily ran over to them and gripped her in a tight hug. He was terrified. She could feel him shivering as she wrapped her arms around him in return. Lilac awkwardly patted her on the back, clearly unsure in what to do or what to say, but he really didn't need to do much. Rosamund was right. She had new allies and new friends. She wasn't alone. There was still so much work to do and so much things to find out but... she wasn't alone anymore.

She will be alright.