sCene 61 - ʀeʟuCᴛanᴛ suᴘᴘer

Back when Nai-bu was sent away, other things changed in my life too. Mama no longer wanted me to fully transform, making me learn how to only partially transform into my alien body. She would tell me to start transforming until she said stop, then I would close my eyes and open my mouth, and she would throw a head inside. Then she would tell me to revert back to my human body, and serve me a few parts of the body at a time. Sometimes it would last up to two hours because she wanted me to only take bites that would fit in my human mouth, then tell me I could make my mouth bigger, then back to normal size. It wasn’t an issue of needing to pace myself, since my stomach would just compress everything down almost immediately. To her, it was helping me practice. To me, it was exhausting.

I knew Nai-bu was serious when she revealed the potion and drank it. I had hoped she was just being aggressively flirty, but knowing this was the only way to fix her body made me look past all of it. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew how badly she wanted to undo what she had done. It was barely a relief to know this horrible part of me could be used to make her happy.

But, I refused to do the same thing to her as last time. After taking my dress and bra off, leaving me just in my shorts, I grew my body enough to fit her head in my mouth, and cut it off her neck with my teeth, before biting down on her skull. I hated it. The feeling of her brains and hair between my teeth. But I knew if I ate her head first, she’d experience the least amount of pain. I wasn’t going to make her watch her body be taken apart.

This choice left me in an awkward position, where I had to keep my lips on the bleeding stump of her neck, as her heart desperately continued to pump blood to her now absent brain. I had never really done this before. It made for a lot of guesswork. Once the blood stopped pumping, I transformed my arms and lifted her body to see if I could drain more blood. It was almost like chugging a beer, but instead you’re confused on how much liquid there is, and you’re not confident how to hold the bottle. I was having a hard time remembering that I was less holding Nai-bu and moreso holding a corpse. A corpse that just looked a lot like Nai-bu.

With the blood slowed enough to not be rushing out anymore, I placed her body back down on the table. Mama almost never let me see a whole corpse, so for a moment I felt like I could have been in a horror movie. What was Nai-bu even thinking? She could have just told me about the potion. Laying herself out on a table of snacks was so silly, it almost made me laugh, before I remembered what I had to do. I guess I’d have to start with her limbs?

I didn’t want to be an alien, so I was trying to keep as much of my human features as possible. I kept my mouth big enough to separate her arm from her shoulder, crushing and crunching it with ease. While my mouth stayed human, my teeth were made sharper than normal, and I borrowed muscles from my alien body to bite through bone like ripping newspaper. If I ever chose to eat meat off a bone as a kid, I had to eat the bone separately. Mama would always say I needed to clean my plate, but eventually I realized she meant I should leave no evidence.

Eating arms like they were breadsticks felt pretty normal, actually. Just start at one end, and grind down to the other. Working down Nai-bu’s upper arm to her forearm was nothing, until I reached her hand. Moments ago it was filled with life, now limp. A hand I held so often, and would seek out in comfort, now like nothing. A dead thing.

A chose to eat her other arm hand-first, which made things a little easier. I knew I wanted to save her torso for last, so I went for her legs next. Whether I was using my human taste buds or my alien taste buds, the legs were always my favorite as a kid. Everyone has nice legs when you’re planning to eat them. The meat and fat was so much more plentiful than the bone, so I minded less eating around the bones to have to chew on them after. The juicy bites made me think of when Mama would feed me steak cooked rare, which was practically raw because she was too lazy to cook it for very long. But when I was done, I remembered taking that first bite into Nai-bu’s thighs when I couldn’t control my body, and the look on her face.

What was now left was like a treat to an alien, but a burden for me. I didn’t want to relish this moment. I didn’t want to take satisfaction in mutilating Nai-bu’s body. But I also didn’t want to taste the mucus, acid, and bile that would be found in her internal organs. Using my claws to slice her body open like a box, I reached in to grab her kidneys. One bite, and like a reflex my taste buds were no longer human. I could taste every second of labor her organs went through. A bite of her lungs would carry each and every time she inhaled and exhaled. Her heart came with a taste that rang of how many times it had beat. Every organ’s story tasted that much more delicious, down to the last one. I practically scraped her insides for every last morsel.

Then I had to eat her now excess skin, her larger bones with very little meat left, and whatever else was left in her torso. It was tedious, I had intentionally given myself less of a mouth to work with to ensure these last bites were from the human experience, so I could remember by the end how horrible I was being. The last of it was her spinal cord, popping vertebrae in my mouth almost like candies. There were some pieces I missed, but when I tried to use my alien tongue to lap up blood or the tiny bites I had dropped, it refused to work so elegantly. At least everything was on the table, or on me.

I made my way to the bathroom, and because I wasn’t exactly sure what Nai-bu’s plan for disposal was, I just left the table cover out. Mama always made me eat everything, including whatever was used to pick up loose bits. I just knew the longer I was soaking in Nai-bu’s blood, the more I would hate what was going on. I was already trying not to think of how much it would have hurt her if her head were still attached.

Mama’s instructions for showering were always specific. If I had just eaten someone, I had to pour bleach down the drain first, and try to rinse off as much as possible before I started using soaps. Again, this was to hide evidence, but for me it was hard to get used to. My alien skin had always absorbed any blood and cartilage, so I never needed to really put in the effort to clean myself afterwards. Once Mama wanted me to transform less, I had to wash myself more carefully, and became more familiar with my body.

Those times showering used to be horrible. Because learning about my body was how I first considered something was wrong. It was how I started to ask myself who I wanted to be. It was the beginning of a journey to becoming myself. So at least now I could enjoy one pleasure, without any guilt. Once this horrible act was washed away, all that would be left is me. The real me.