California

DAY 1

The group collectively jolted awake as the plane landed. James looked to his left where he saw his closed window. He attempted to lift the flap up but the light the sun admitted was too bright for James at this time of morning.

For the amount of people in the airport, there weren't too many passengers on the group’s flight. They sloppily got up off their seats and grabbed their bags. They waited for the small crowd to clear before advancing to the frontal parts of the plane where they could exit.

The exit led to a long, modern-looking corridor, with a very appealing colour scheme made up of blacks and greys, with the walls being made out of glass. The group progressed down the corridor until they had come to the airport.

Their holiday hadn’t even really started yet, and they were already impressed. Everyone's tiredness evaporated when they saw the building they were in. James began to rub his eyes multiple times to make sure he was awake and wasn’t dreaming.

It was the most amazing building the group had ever seen. The building had a colour scheme just as nice as the corridors, made up of whites, greys and the odd black. The building itself was in the shape of a dome, with a roof made entirely out of glass.

Lakes, rivers, stores, fauna and attractions were dotted around the entire building with a lovely soundtrack accompanying the futuristically lush sights.

The service provided by the staff was just as good. They went through security almost instantly, and finding their excess luggage was just as easy of a process to go through.

Waking out of the building into the streets of San Francisco, the group was blinded by the bright light the scorching sun released. Looking around them, they were currently situated on a red-brick road with palm trees and bushes with an appearance similar to the leaves of the lush trees.

California was just as good as everyone said it was.

Was what the group was thinking until they made it out of the immediate area and realised that California was just massive, shitty, dirty cities and that California wasn’t really as good as everyone said it was.

Strolling around the grimy streets of San Francisco they saw many peculiar sights. Such as: people dealing drugs in alleyways, (peculiar to just Hanna as the boys were used to it) a white police officer shooting a coloured man and what seemed to be a 6-year-old child holding a gun. (Though for Floridians most of this was quite normal actually)

The group began to make their way to the hotel they were staying in, which according to the information listed on the website Hanna had booked through, was well within walking distance, which was lucky for them as they were only picking up their rental car the next day. Though they didn’t actually know where the hotel was. Thus they kept walking around aimlessly, actually going past the hotel multiple times, though they genuinely thought it was a mental asylum, as the building’s exterior was a depressing grey cube with tiny, dirty windows scattered along the walls, at the bottom of the building, facing south-west was a hole with a road leading down into a small flat area with the hotel entrance situated on the left to a person driving down onto this road.

After the 4th time of walking past the hotel, one of the staff members came out to greet them.

A tall, coloured Indian man with a goatee and a strong accent approached them and asked them if they were lost and if they were looking for something.

“Yes actually we’re looking for a hotel,” Hanna explained to the man in her usual soft, charismatic voice.

“Oh what is the name of the hotel?” the man asked.

“Oh I think it's: Hotel You Might Think it’s a Mental Asylum But it's Not We Swear,” Hanna answered.

“Oh why, that’s our hotel,” the man explained, taking a step back and pointing at the building as he did.

The group stepped back and examined the building, before returning to their previous spot and looking at the man.

“Huh, I thought it was a mental asylum,” Hanna told the man.

“Ah, that’s where many people go wrong! See?” The man cheerfully said, smiling as he did.

Eventually they realised where they were staying. A mortified look would have been present on their faces if it wasn’t for the fact they were so tired by this point that they would have accepted any place with a bed and a floor.

The lobby was surprisingly sophisticated in appearance, with a very appealing colour scheme consisting of reds, reddish-beiges and gold. The floor was coated with a lovely red carpet dotted with gold-coloured spades. Gold lined the bottom of the beige walls as chandeliers made of fine, pure gold hung from the ceilings similarly coloured to the walls.

The group was pleasantly surprised by this and took an elevator to the building’s 5th floor where their room was situated. They happily skipped their way over to room 506 and took out the key card that the receptionist had given them.

Feeling uplifted, the group opened the door, excited to see if the room they had gotten was just as nice as the lobby they had found themselves in less than a minute ago.

The room was very fine. There wasn’t anything overly crazy about it in appearance, though it was not filled to the brim with dirt and grime like the group had expected on initial viewing of the building. There were 4 beds set up for them so they wouldn’t have to sleep together in the same beds.

A slightly dark white cover the walls, with a light-brown carpet covering the floor. There were two rooms; one with all the beds and seating in it, with the aforementioned sleeping areas being put up against the right wall and the small black wooden table and its contents that sat atop of it on the left.

Next to the table was a soft, green chair that was slightly more comfortable than the beds themselves. A small lamp sat atop of the wooden, black table on the far right corner, with a kettle and a few small plastic containers of butter on the opposite side.

The group spent the remaining time in the day to wash themselves and relax. The boys had brought some of their manga with them, reading that to pass the time.

At the end of the day, the group slumped onto their beds and fell into a deep sleep almost at an instant.

DAY 2

The group awoke at 11:45 to their mediocre apartment. They each took turns going into the bathroom to clean themselves and get dressed.

The group had decided to go sightseeing today, as they thought they might have judged California too much on their first day.

So they set off to the first landmark: THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE

This was a very famous one, this is what people think of when they think of California, so they had pretty high hopes.

But before they could start to make their way to the aforementioned destination, they would need to pick up the car they were renting.

The dealership wasn’t at all too far from the hotel they were situated in, around a 10-minute walk.

They came to the dealership to discover a massive, futuristic building with the walls that made up the entrance not only being the height of a skyscraper, but also being made out of glass. It was almost the size and scale of the airport they were in just the other day. The group was shocked they had never heard of this place as the sheer scale of it was enough to make anyone stare in awe.

As they walked into the building they took notice of the fact that the interior was almost identical to the airport in terms of architecture and colours, though was sparklingly clean.

Just like the airport, it was divided into districts, with each district having different models and brands of cars, with a sub district for each one being for people who were renting a car that was a specific brand and/or model.

Hanna looked at the boys and gave them a grin as she dragged them along to the lamborghini rental district. As she talked with the dealer about the bright, lime-green lambo, the boys contemplated how she was able to afford such an expensive car, but stopped being able to think the second she took the car out of the building and told them to get in the back.

They began to make their way to the bridge, attracting looks from almost everyone. The bridge was very underwhelming as it literally just a bridge, though the boys were still in so much dismay and happiness that they didn’t even care.

They went to a few more places that were a bit more fun than the bridge, such as:

The Golden Gate Park

Balboa Park

Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum

The group didn’t find any of the places they went to particularly exciting but they had fun either way.

As the day came to a close, the boys asked Hanna if they could go get some pizza and go to the nearby park. Despite it being almost 10 pm, Hanna said yes and the boys walked off. Joseph ordered pepperoni with jalapenos, Matthew ordered Hawaiian and James shared with Joseph.

They went to the park situated just outside their hotel and sat down on an uncomfortable wooden bench.

They sat back, saying nothing to each other, just staring at the sky and the stars, accompanied by the soft sound of the wind. The city was awfully quiet though this didn’t bother the three friends and instead added to the moment.

As James sat there, staring into the night sky, he began to reflect on his life. From an average person's perspective, James’s life sucks; he goes to a shitty, drug-ridden school, is called a bully by his peers and has a mom that wants the best for him, though doesn’t try to do much for his mental health.

James’s life sucks. It sucks ass.

Though as he gazed into the bright, soothing sky, the light from the beautiful moon reflecting onto him, he thought to himself: life does not suck. Make the most of what you’ve got.

Dear reader, you may be scratching your head in immense confusion. If not, maybe you feel underwhelmed. Maybe you feel that I, as the author, have failed. I have failed in being able to write a well-written character that has a strong personality and is someone who you care about.

Though here's something I want you to remember.

This is the way I have framed James’s life, I am an unreliable narrator. I have many notes about James’s personality and character, though I have purposely hidden them and made James a character that you don’t know. Few times have I referred to James himself in this book so far, rather I have been using collective nouns and have kept his friend's personality even more vague.

Just so I can say this:

Don’t judge someone based on how others describe them. Talk to them, find out more about them.

Because the way I have been giving you information throughout this book so far, is not in the conventional way you would tell a story, because I haven’t been an author, I have been someone you are in a conversation with that is telling you about this person and their life. I have been describing everything in a way someone would if they were explaining a story in a conversation.

But who is the person telling this story then?

Well it doesn’t matter because this is a book about a bunch of perverted, teenage degenerates going to the other side of America just to go to an anime convention and I only wrote that bit because during the Spotify playlist I was listening to while writing, a really sad piano song came on and I felt the sudden urge to write something really deep and serious and had to cave into my desires.

After realising how stupid and overdramatic that bit was, James, Joseph and Matthew all got up from their uncomfortable seats and walked back to the hotel room.

                                                                            ***

DAY 3

(THE DAY OF THE ANIME CONVENTION)

The boys arose swiftly from their usual tired morning state after realising what day it was.

Wednesday

Wednesday was the COOLEST day EVER to the boys, as they found how the name could be broken up into 3 distinct parts to be rather satisfying, therefore making it their favourite day of the week.

But then they realised what was happening today.

THE ANIME CONVENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words could not describe how excited the boys were for the upcoming events of today. Thoughts collectively rushed through they’re minds at a rate where they could not fully process them. They were going to physically explode if they continued to bottle up their excitement, so they began acting like monkeys to express and release the feelings of pure joy and anticipation they felt towards the upcoming events of the day, doing things such as: screaming, throwing random objects around, making random noises, ect.

After Hanna calmed them, they began to prepare. They each had a shower, brushed their teeth, and for what they were 90% sure was the first time, brushed their hair.

And then they did the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the inconceivable, the unbelievable, the incredible, the impossible, the shocking, the illogical, the implausible, something beyond belief.

They put deodorant on.

This was one of the many things that showcase the sheer importance of this event, as this was the first time any anime fan had even conceived of doing such a thing, though the boys were determined to pick up every fox girl they saw.

To accompany their immaculate smells, the boys wanted to buy suits. They proceeded to gather all their life savings which totalled to around $4000. They told Hanna they were going clothes shopping to prepare for the big day and walked out of the hotel.

As they emerged into the grimy, desolate-in-a-populated-way streets of San Francisco, they began to frantically search for the nearest fancy suit store, as they were under the impression that they only had an hour left until they had to leave for the convention, but they actually had around 6, they had just never spent so long preparing before.

In front of their hotel was the nice park they were at the other night. A bit more in front of the hotel was a road with copious amounts of shops dotted along its pavements. To the right of the park was another road, leading west, the same direction the entrance of their hotel was facing.

The boys impulsively ran to their right and turned the next corner, to where they found a shop under the name: “The Nearest Fancy Suit Store” exactly what they were looking for.

Walking into the store, the layout almost instantly reminded James of the bookstore he had got “Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko” at. Actually, it looked almost identical to the bookstore apart from the fact that the shelves hosted expensive suits and the walls were a bland white, with planked wooden vinyl floors accompanying them.

It is a common known fact that one of the main things that separate anime fans from people is the fact they lack any awareness of fashion, causing them to identify all clothing when shopping as looking the same.

Usually this doesn’t impact anime fans in any major way, as they never go outside, thus they never shop for clothes, though this was a very rare occasion where a group of anime fans were clothes shopping.

The boys carefully examined each suit on display, scratching their heads as they did due to the fact that they couldn’t tell the difference between each one.

They ended up just buying 3 of the cheapest ones they had, one for each of them. The price totalled to $1234.54.

The boys made the short walk back to their hotel room and proceeded to put on the 3 suits, Hanna was a little more than shocked when they walked out of the bathroom with their new attire, as she was under the impression they were just casually shopping for casual clothes. Though she understood how special this day was to them and understood equally as much that they were still teenagers and might never have the same experiences of doing the same stupid shit such as the aforementioned stupid shit.

Also they bought them themselves so she didn’t really care.

Their usual hairstyles didn’t really fit the vibe of the suits, (and deodorant) so they proceeded to all give each other Boston haircuts.

Hanna was starting to think if maybe James’s mom was actually right about her and began to consider being a bit stricter.

That was until she realised that just letting them do whatever was a lot easier than actually trying to be a good parent.

3 O’clock was fast approaching and the boys felt ready and prepared. They all got in their Lambo and drove to the subway station that they had gotten tickets for and would take them to the convention.

Once they had arrived, Hanna gave the group $200, which she believed was a reasonable amount for an event of this kind. Joseph wasn’t phased in the slightest by this, as he was rich and often got a lot more, (hence the reason they were able to afford the car) though the rest of the boys had no knowledge on how rich Joseph was and just stared in shock, mouths wide open, as Hanna handed him the money.

The boys walked down the dirty, chipped stone steps that led down into the subway station, gathering looks from almost everyone in the area, as they were a bunch of overly well-dressed teenagers with ridiculous haircuts in a depressing, grimy, litter-filled subway full of “commoners”.

Their train would come at around 2:30, with it currently at that time being 2:24. The boys proceed to line up on the waiting platform next to each other, holding their own hands at their pelvis, not in an attempt to make any sort of innuendo, they were just doing that thing that sophisticated people do when they wait.

As the boys stood idle, they heard a man from behind them whisper “hey!” in their direction in a rather ruff voice. They looked behind them to check if he was talking to them, to which they were met with a very old man with a white stereotypical old-man like beard and a green beanie, sporting a similarly coloured jumper accompanied by black sweatpants and white sneakers that looked as if they were falling apart poking out from around a corner that nobody else seemed to standing behind.

He repeated himself a few times, beckoning them over towards him. The boys turned to each other and silently decided to walk over, with great caution of course. Once the man noticed they were coming over, he swiftly went back behind the corner.

A sense of fear washed over the boys in that moment, though despite what their gut was telling them, they still proceeded.

They turned around the corner to see the man counting an abnormal amount of money that he frantically shoved in his pocket when he noticed the boys.

“Oi you lads look like you got em’ sweet cash to spare, why don’t I offer you 3 some weed eh?” The man whispered in his ruff, old-man voice, cautiously taking out the drugs as he spoke.

“Because we’re minors?” James replied, making the man angry as he did.

“Actually wait shit, that’s a bit hypocritical coming from the guy who bought Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko.” James truthfully and just as much so idiotically muttered under his breath. Though despite James impulsively stating this at 1db, the man still somehow heard him.

“OI, YOU TEENAGED BASTARD WILL BUY PROVOCATIVE COMICS FROM A MASSIVE COMPANY BUT WON’T SUPPORT AN OLD MAN BY BUYING SOME WEED FROM HIM?!” The man angrily screamed, alerting everyone in the area, urging them to investigate the screaming.

Joseph, seeing his friend being harassed in this way, stepped in to defend James.

“You have no right to criticise my friend for reading what he reads when you’ve clearly read the book yourself!” Joseph truthfully stated. The man wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this and just kind of stood there randomly muttering and angrily pointing his finger at Joseph, admittedly scaring Joseph, though he tried his best not to show it.

A few people began to turn the corner witnessing the source of the sound: an old man who looked like a drug dealer. It looked quite bad for the old man with him in his current position, he almost immediately noticed the shocked people staring at him and frantically began to try to make up an excuse.

“Uh, er, um… THESE DUDES ARE WEARING SUITS!! AND THEY PROBABLY LIKE ANIME!!” The man screamed.

The boys turned around to check the people’s reaction, having their expectations shattered after realising that statement actually turned everyone against them.

The old man was just as shocked at this, though the news put a much larger grin on his face than the boys… who were frowning…

“GET EM’!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!” The man commanded, causing all the people in the building who weren't the boys to ready their fists. The man began to grin even more.

“HAHAHAHA!! THE POWER!!! THE POWER!! FIGHT!”

Everyone collectively began to lunge at the boys, causing the group to impulsively start running on the walls to escape from the crowds, who were moving themselves vertically downwards.

The crowds fell flat upon the dirty floors of the station as the boys jumped off the wall and behind the crowds. They looked behind them and saw the crowds angrily picking themselves up off the ground. Though everyone came to a swift stop as the sound of the train pulling into the station came into hearing distance.

As the train came to a halt, the boys frantically sprinted towards it, the crowds following after them. They had all but forgotten the reasons they were running from the crowds by now as they were too preoccupied with running away to think about why they were running away.

They ran into the vehicle checking behind them to see the progress the crowd had made on catching up to them. Just as the boys realised they were about to get onto the train, they all impulsively began to run in different directions, with Matthew and Joseph running right towards the back of the train, and James choosing left towards the front of the train.

As he sprinted down the train, his heart somehow racing even faster due to the fact that Joseph and Matthew weren't with him, he heard the sound of the doors closing. A small feeling of relief washed over him, as he knew the crowds did not have enough time to get on the train in their entirety, though just to make sure he swiftly checked to see, noticing that he was correct, though the ones that remained all chose to run towards him.

James reached the end of the train, the door to where the driver sat was locked meaning he couldn’t run in there for safety. He turned to look at the crowd who were running faster than he had ever seen anyone ever run before, though they were coordinated very poorly and kept tripping over each other and hitting their heads against the hard ground, killing them in the process.

This was happening at such a rate where by the time they actually got to James, there were only 2 of them left: a very handsome, fit man in a blue t-shirt with the finest beard and hair James had ever seen that looked not unlike the men in those stock photos you would frequently see on the internet nowadays.

The other looked the exact same as the stereotypical fittest guy in the gym, sporting a grey tank-top and very skimpy black shorts with very well kept white sneakers, being completely bald, having a very nice beard and of course, being very buff.

They both cracked their fists, instilling a sense of fear in James. They both looked at each other and nodded, it was clear these guys were much more coordinated than the rest of the crowd. They both sprinted towards James and punched him square in his right cheek, causing him to fly to the left, hitting against a window and smashing it in the process.

James fell onto the ground right beneath the now broken window, his energy all but gone, though he wasn’t situated there for a very long time as the wind generated by the speed at which the train moved at sucked him right out of the vehicle.

Impulsively as he flew out, James grabbed onto some sort of handle situated on the outside of the train, though it was too dark in the subway tunnel to identify what it was.

James channelled all of his remaining energy into holding on to the mysterious handle, his feet scraping off against the walls of the tunnel, his hand slowly slipping. James frantically swung his body in random directions in an attempt to avoid the punches coming from the window.

All of a sudden a flash of light blinded James as the train emerged from the tunnel, revealing the other side of San Francisco. Futuristic skyscrapers and other, just as impressive buildings dotted everywhere, all of them in almost perfect condition, it was one of the cleanest cities James had ever seen. A stark contrast to where he was situated before.

Looking down James took note of the fact the train was situated on a track very high up off the ground, being held up by tall pillars.

Though there was no time to admire the landscape. James now realised there was enough space for him to fling himself onto the roof of the train.

James swung himself to the right, using all the force and energy he could. As he flung to his right he released his hand from the bright yellow handle, sending the two men into a state of sheer shock. In the midst of spinning around, James grabbed onto the roof of the vehicle, pulling himself up unto the roof shortly after.

Once on the roof, James turned around to briefly admire the landscape. The dull, grey clouds that once flooded the sky were now all but gone, replaced with the warmth of the lovely, hot American sun and blue, clear skies.

Though James was swiftly alerted to the area where the window was, as he heard sounds of grunting and huffing coming from the area.

James was sent into a state of panic as he realised the men were climbing onto the roof of the train to attack him. The thought of running away hadn’t crossed James’s mind, as he could barely stand without almost falling off due to the pressure of the wind.

James knew there was only one thing he could do: fight.

He readied his fists as the men climbed up to the same roof he stood upon. The first to show their face was the stock photo man. James heard the other gym-goer begin to shout something to the stock photo man.

“Oi Adam, fight for me will ya? I ain’t makin’ it up there in a bit,” The bald, fit man explained in a ruff, British accent.

The stock photo man nodded and readied his fists, grinning as he did so.

“Prepare to have your ass kicked!” the man shouted in the most generic voice you can imagine.

“You forgot the asterisks!” James shouted contemptuously, mocking the man.

“Dude you're going DOWN!!”

The man lunged himself at James, his right fist a bit in front of his face ready to punch James.

James purposefully put his entire left arm in front of his face, blocking the man’s attack. The man stayed idle in the air for a short period of time, a shocked expression present on his face.

Using his right arm, James punched the man square in the face, sending him flying off the train and falling to his death.

A feeling of relief and pride washed over James, though quickly evaporated when he saw the second man’s head peak over the other side of the train. He pulled himself up and without saying a word, attempted to slide tackle James.

James quickly moved out of the way, causing the man to slide right off the train.

James breathed a sigh of relief knowing that the crowd wouldn’t be bothering him anymore. Though James was impulsively sent into a state of panic once again after he heard the sound of footsteps coming to his right.

He swiftly looked over, only to be presently surprised once he saw Joseph and Matthew.

“Dude! Are you alright? I was so worried you died!” Joseph expressed.

“I wasn’t too worried about if you were going to die, though I was pretty worried about if I was going to die,” Matthew selfishly expressed as usual.

“Bro you should’ve seen me! It was so cool! I had to fight these 2 really buff ass guys on the top of this train and they were all like, trying to punch me and stuff, but I like, blocked them and stuff, and like, punched them so hard they flew off the train! Oh yeah and, there was this one guy who tried to slide tackle me off the train but I like, walked slightly to the left and he missed me and fell off the train!” James excitedly told the two.

James was never really excited about anybody doing anything impressive unless it was himself. It really is one of life’s great mysteries about why such a kind and caring person such as Joseph chose to become friends with such self-absorbed narcissists as James and Matthew.

James never really frequently did anything of note though, so he constantly made up extremely far fetched lies to make himself look better than he actually was.

Some of the highlights include:

The time he said he had to fight off 200 girls who chased him through the town in the dead of night only to stop fighting after a while after he realised that violence isn’t the answer and proceeded to give a “the power of friendship speech” to which all of the city’s citizens and remaining girls gave him a stand ovation.

The time he said he got kidnapped though the kidnapper said he was too good looking to be locked up in her house and took him to China where she made him audition to become a model and he apparently got accepted into the largest modelling agency in the country and became a celebrity but only over there.

The time he said he went to a Spice Girls concert and one of the girls had a seizure on stage and died and they had no backup singers so they had to get someone from the audience to sing and James just happened to get chosen, though when he went up they all fell in love with him and he married them all.

Though James was actually very good at one thing: fighting.

Though due to the fact he made up so many lies all the time, nobody really ever believed the actual true stories he told them about him fighting really buff guys. So everyone just kind of viewed James as basically nothing more than a pathetic, no-life, bully (in their eyes) who had no talents. Though he was actually a pathetic, no-life, who had one talent.

So it's safe to say Matthew and Joseph had a very hard time believing his story.

“Okay sure bud,” Matthew said to James.

“No dude, seriously! It really happened!”

“Wait sorry, why is there blood on your suit?” Joseph asked.

James was now faced with a choice. He could either lie to Joseph and say it was from the fight, or he could tell the truth and tell him that it was from his nosebleed.

James decided to combine the two and told Joseph that one of the guys he was fighting had a really bad nosebleed and some of the blood got on him.

“Dude, your nose is bleeding,” Matthew pointed out.

James put his hand up to his nose and proceeded to inspect it. There was indeed blood on his hand. James just kind of stared at his 2 friends blankly.