Embracing My Insanity

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but his sudden laughter made everything worth it. Bakekujira placed a hand on my leg as he wiped some tears away. “Oh, oh, Meg… You foolish child. I thought you knew better. Didn’t those stories say what happens when you see my true form? Why do you want to risk that?”

I shrugged, liking the warmth from his palm as I opened the chopsticks. “If I’m going to die, then I’d like to see something extraordinary… Not that seeing you like this isn’t cool. It’s like you’re an anime character who has come to life. But I’d still like to see it… can I?”

“Yes, if that’s what you want. I’ll be glad to fulfill your last request.” He used his free hand to help steady the dish as he gazed at me. “But this will be the last request, Meg. Do not think to lead me on like a silly human boy.”

“I’ve never led anyone on. I never wanted to.” He smirked at my nonchalance and watched as I dipped the chopsticks into the fish.

“That’s a shame. There was a time when you’d already be married with children at your age.”

“There was a time when it was considered proper to marry your siblings and even children. Don’t get me wrong. I love learning about history, especially Japan’s, but there were some things I could have happily gone my whole life not knowing.”

“Fair enough… You should try mixing the food together. The sauce on the meat is divine.” I nodded, following his advice as I raised the chopsticks to my lips.

“I’ve never seen this type of meat before.”

He smirked. “You wouldn’t. I made it using fish and birds that follow me. I do hope it’s to your liking, Meg. It’s my best yet!”

I nodded, only pausing to blow before taking the first bite. It was heaven and hell rolled into one. I couldn’t decide if the sauce was sour or if there were some herbs mimicking the flavor. My chopsticks soon took on a life of their own, and it felt like I was shoveling more into my mouth before swallowing what was already inside.

Is there some kind of spell on this? I’ve never eaten this way before! Tears were streaming down my face as I licked the dish clean… I didn’t know what to do until Bakekujira handed me a cup of tea. “Drink this. It’ll help keep the pain at bay.”

I didn’t argue. My skin felt hot and itchy, and my tongue kept hunting for more traces of the sauce. The cup was soon empty, but it felt like I would die from thirst. Bakekujira gently pulled me to my feet and led me out of the house. “Where are we going?”

I didn’t get to say goodbye. Will my parents notice I’m not around? I’ve read about some creatures being able to erase their victims' existence, but he didn’t even let me put on my shoes! Bakekujira chuckled but didn’t look at me. “To the Sea of Japan. That’s what you wanted, right? To see my true form?”

“Yes, but…”

“But?”

“I… can’t swim.” He turned to me then, and once again, I couldn’t ignore the fact that he was studying me… Testing me. He tightened his grip on my hand and kept walking.

“Do not worry about such pointless things, Meg. You’ve done well so far. But the deal isn’t done until you’ve seen my true form.” He looked at the moon and sighed. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve done this.”

“Done what? Show someone your true form?”

“Holding hands with someone I might not have wanted to kill.” I tried not to blush as he tugged me closer so I was walking next to him instead of behind. “You’re a very interesting person, Meg. I’ll miss you.”

“Can I ask you something?” he hummed in agreement. “That picture—on the ad—the one of the whale chef thing… What’s the deal with that?”

“A means to give humans a last chance to turn back. I told you the ad was meant to lure in those who meet certain conditions. I don’t mind serving food to people like you. That’s the main reason why I was killed… for food. But I can’t ignore those who refuse to understand their actions… Does that make sense?”

“Honestly… not really. I understand wanting vengeance for being killed. But to go into cooking because you were turned into food seems…”

He looked at me expectantly. “Go on. Don’t worry. I’m not the type to throw a tantrum just because you disagree with me.”

I winced but didn’t ask if he was talking about my father. I didn’t want to think about it. “I guess I’ve never really thought about it. I’ve heard ghosts don’t always realize they’ve died, so they keep going about their business, but I’ve never heard of any doing… what you’re doing.”

“I see.”

“I’ve also never heard of an animal ghost taking on a human appearance. Are you like a kitsune?”

“No, and those often do transform to look like humans, by the way.” I nodded, not wanting the conversation to end, but we reached the water before I could ask anything else. Bakekujira’s hand tightened around mine when I stopped at the water’s edge, and I stared at him in shock. “We have to go into the water, Meg. Don’t be afraid. I won’t let go of you.”

That is something to be afraid of! It felt like the water locked my voice as he pulled me further and further away from the dock. The water rapidly rose to cover our knees and waists, but he didn’t let go of my hand. I stumbled over a shell, losing my footing, and my face went underwater.

I tried to stand, but Bakekujira harshly yanked my arm, and a feeling of dread filled me. I realized he was no longer walking. He was swimming. I closed my eyes, not wanting to know the moment we reached the open sea. Despite the moon’s illumination, the water was pitch-black, and everything seemed to melt away... until Bakekujira released my hand.

I found the surface and drew in several gulps of air before looking around. Where is he? Where am I? I couldn’t see any land, and the waves rocked me back and forth between them. My body was somewhere between hyperalert and complete numbness due to the exposure. My fingers were tingling, but I couldn’t feel my toes.

Did he change his mind and bring me here to die? Will I drown before a shark finds me? The irony of being eaten wasn’t lost on me. I’ve barely had seafood, but I’ve eaten more than my share of chickens and cows. If a shark decided to take a bite out of me, I wouldn’t have much room to complain.

Except for the fact that I don’t want to die! I kicked my legs, more to do something besides just floating around, and I felt something hard beneath my foot. I panicked as it rose, and before I could move, it burst from the sea, and I was rising in the air! I clung to the side of it, unable to hear anything over the sudden rush of water and the cries of birds.

It could have been hours before I risked opening my eyes. I didn’t own a watch, and my phone was still in my room. The night sky didn’t offer the best illumination, but it was enough for me to understand what I was seeing. Bakekujira had transformed into a massive skeleton, and I was clinging to his head like my life depended on it.

”Woah.”

“Are you satisfied, Meg?” I nodded, not questioning how he could talk without bursting my eardrums. I’ve seen stranger things happen in movies, but this was real life. And mine was just about up. I felt something like a sigh press against my mind before he asked. “Are you ready? We no longer have the time to go back.”

“What happens now? I know you said I can’t ask for anything else, but I’d rather die quickly and not be eaten by something while I’m alive, so”-

“Nothing is going to eat you, Meg.”

“Does that mean I’m going to drown?!” I didn’t think it was possible to be even more scared, but I was. I wanted to keep him talking. I needed to keep him talking. Because I might have done anything to save myself at that point. Bakekujira chuckled, sending soothing vibrations through me as he lazily swam in a circle.

“No, Meg. You’re not going to drown. I told you. The food you ate was going to set you free. And I meant it… Hang onto me and close your eyes. I promise you won’t feel anything anymore… Let me take you away.”