What is Freedom?

I didn’t know what to do. There was next to nothing I could do, yet Bakekujira still asked. Is he trying to comfort me? I can’t wrap my head around any of this. A bird landed near my hand, offering a welcome distraction as the waves crashed around us. It really… doesn’t look like a bird…

The “feathers” looked more like a membrane draped over its frame. It shouldn’t be possible for this thing to fly… Then again, bumblebees aren’t supposed to fly, either. I chuckled, feeling tears drip down my face to land on Bakekujira’s head. I’m… about to die… The thought was scary and oddly comforting.

Bakekujira shifted, startling the bird as he asked, “Meg?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

“No, but… But I don’t want to think about it anymore. Can I… stay here, please? I don’t want to go back into the water.”

“Everything returns to the ocean someday, Meg.” I nodded, but I didn’t climb down. More importantly, he didn’t make me. Despite being on his head, I could feel Bakekujira staring at me as he began swimming. I didn’t try to find the shoreline. I wasn’t sure what I’d do even if I saw it.

“It’s beautiful out here,” I mumbled, letting the breeze wash away whatever tears I had left.

“It is.” He agreed a moment later. “The world is such a vast place, Meg. You can spend a century in every country and still never see everything!”

“Is that what you do?” That doesn’t sound so bad. I wonder if he has to stay near the ocean. Are there still people who worship his kind?

Bakekujira didn’t respond for several minutes. “I do. But I prefer sticking to the area of my birth and death. Most humans are the same no matter where I go, so I rarely feel the urge to move. What about you, Meg? Tell me about yourself.”

“I thought you already knew everything about me?” He knew about my dad’s… habits. And he said I was forced to grow up too soon, right? How does he not know everything about me? Bakekujira laughed, letting a thin plume of water gush from where his blowhole should be and getting me soaked. “Thanks. I needed that shower.”

“You’re delightful, but I don’t know everything about you. My powers have limits, and I may have spoken to some of your neighbors while waiting for you to go to sleep.”

“I had neighbors?” Why is that the first thing to shock me? I’m riding a whale skeleton to who knows where, and I’m surprised that the whale skeleton just asked around to learn more about my family and our lives.

Said whale skeleton chuckled. “You did. It’s amazing how humans try to be private and aloof, yet someone will always know more than they should. That’s a good skill to have, you know.”

“Is it?” Why is he telling me this?

“It is. One should never be afraid of learning itself… although there are some things you’d be better off not knowing.”

“Me specifically or humanity in general?”

“Both.”

It was my turn to laugh. “What’s the point in keeping things from me now? I’m dead, aren’t I? Are you taking me to hell?”

“No.” I breathed in, ready to bug him until he either drowned me or gave in, but Bakekujira beat me to it. “Hell exists. There are lots of them. There are different heavens as well. But you’re not going to any of them, Meg. You’re mine.”

“So, where are we going? Under the sea to swim with some mermaids?!” That doesn’t sound so bad… unless they’re the kind that eats people.

Bakekujira snorted. “Trust me. You don’t want to waste your time with mermaids. I’ve seen how humans romanticized some of them, and… you’ll be disappointed.”

“Does that mean we’re not going to the bottom of the sea?”

“Can you breathe underwater?”

“No, but I’ll be dead soon, right? You used your blowhole earlier, but it’s not like you need to use it…” I frowned as he remained silent. Was that taboo or something? “Um… Bakekujira?”

“Yes?”

“Are you mad at me?” I’ve never been good at reading body language, and even I was. Most of Bakekujira’s body was hidden underwater, yet his voice was always so emotional in my head that it felt like I could see his face. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He might just be trying to be friendly…

“I’m not mad. I’m surprised. You’ve accepted your fate so easily, yet you show no signs of fear. Why is that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life!” I felt more than heard Bakekujira hum in disagreement.

“IF you say so. But I still want to hear more about you… We have a long swim ahead of us. I could use something besides seagulls to ease my boredom.”

“Where are we going? I don’t mind talking, but the suspense is killing me.” I was glad to hear him chuckle at my weak joke. As long as I can talk, I can assume I’m still alive. I’m not a whale, so I shouldn’t try to hope for anything else. Bakekujira remained silent for several moments. The birds were keeping pace, and I thought I saw a fish peek at me from the waves, but I was still too high to make out any details.

“See, this is why I’m worried I’ve upset you. I get that you want me to talk about myself, but I’m honestly not that interesting. I’ve spent most of my life traveling with my parents from place to place, and I like to think that got me interested in history. Because everywhere has a past, you know? Not all of it is bloody, thankfully. But things happen that no one bothers to remember. It’s a waste not to try to record things!”

I waited, but his only response was a small chuckle. It ticked me off. “Bakekujira?”

He hummed. I swallowed, feeling my throat constrict as I quietly asked. “What… what would you have done to my father?”

“What I always do to those who deserve it. I would have dragged him to the water and let my friends feast on his body while he drowned. It’s not a pleasant way to go, but it helps keep my legends alive. Why do you ask?”

“Morbid curiosity, I guess?” Why don’t I feel disgusted by this? That could easily have been me instead! Except, I immediately dismissed that thought. Bakekujira didn’t target me because I failed to keep my father away from the truck. He chose me for… What are we doing again? I leaned forward, not caring that his bones were slimy against my skin.

My head was throbbing, and lying down felt better than sitting up. I didn’t realize how sensitive bones could be when Bakekujira asked. “Are you alright, Meg? Is the food getting to you?”

I nodded, trusting that he knew what I was doing, and sighed. He said the tea would help with the pain. Is it finally wearing off? Bakekujira made a sound that didn’t fit any recording of whale songs I’d heard, and I lifted my head slightly, wanting to hear more, but he started talking instead.

“Meg, listen. I know you want to close your eyes, and that’s fine. This is all for you, Meg. I’m not trying to deny you. You’ve done enough, and I promised you freedom… But that’s not all I want. Will you listen to me, Meg?”

“I’m listening.” I put my head back down and patted the bone, hoping this would be a soothing gesture. “I’m here.”

“Good. Stay here, Meg, with me. That’s what I want. Don’t go somewhere else. Stay with me and be free forever.”

“Um… what?” How is that supposed to work? “Did you forget I’m on your back? Where do you think I’m going to go?”

“I don’t know. That’s the problem, Meg. I’ve killed countless creatures, but I have no control over where their souls go. I’m tired of being alone with my prey. Will you choose an uncertain eternity with me instead of whatever you think is waiting for you?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. “Are you… being serious? You barely know me, and you want to spend eternity together?”

“I know it doesn’t make sense. But I am being serious… Will you do it? You can’t see your family or friends again. That part of your life will be forever closed, but you’ll gain so much more. Stay with me, Meg. Let me make you happy in ways you’ve never dreamed of.”