Back to Basics

Today, I saw Yoshida cry more than once. It isn't something to brag about but the image of 'Yoshida Hanako' that I had was like we were talking about a completely different person. Looking at the gloomy face I was certain of one thing, I didn't want to see her cry again, it didn't suit her. I like cheery Yoshida more. After wiping her tears once again she spoke,

"Thank you, Sho. I'm feeling better now."
"..."

Before I could say anything, I heard quick footsteps moving towards us. The person instantly rushed towards Yoshida,

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

It was Sakura. Although Yoshida wiped her tears, still if one was to look at her face they could easily tell that she was crying for hours. She looked at Yoshida with concerned eyes. Then She turned her glances toward me asking what was going on. I averted my gaze. I couldn't tell her because it wasn't something that I should be revealing to someone. Yes, it was Yoshida's call to decide whether to tell her or not.

"Don't worry about it, Sakura-chan. It's not what you think, those were tears of joy.""Tears of joy?"
"Yes, I was just so happy that this happened. Hehe..."

Yoshida smiled at her to say that there was nothing to worry about.

"... If you say so."

Sakura wasn't completely satisfied by Yoshida's words. She looked at me again as if to confirm that what she was saying was right. I nodded in response. She let out a sigh and gave a relaxed expression,

"If Something worries you, don't hesitate to call me. I will do whatever I can to help you."
"Sure, will do."

Yoshida replies with a smile. Sakura left after talking a little with her. We were left alone once again. Yoshida finished everything quickly and we were ready to leave. I stopped by the cashier to pay for what we ordered and I paid for everything we ordered including Yoshida's order,

"Thank you. Please come again."

We left the cafe and walked towards the train station. Yoshida was silent and when I looked at her face she was pouting a little.

'Is she angry about something? '

Although I could see that she was angry about something, I had no experience with what to do if someone other than my family member was angry with me. So instead of thinking too much about it I directly asked her,

"What happened?"
"You are so unfair."
'unfair?'
"What did I do?"
"You paid for everything and aren't taking the money from me."
" Is that all?"
" What do you mean 'is that all'? "

I mean, I thought I did something wrong but it was nothing. We can solve this problem easily,

"You can just pay the next time we eat together."
"... Next time?"
" Yes, next time."

Yoshida smiled and walked ahead of me. Watching her smile gave me a sense of relief. While I was thinking about why was she so sad in the first place a sudden question came to my mind. I looked at Yoshida who was walking with her usual cheerful aura in front of me. I stopped walking and asked her,

"Yoshida-san, Can I ask you something?"

Hearing me, she also stopped and looked towards me. She was asking me to continue,

"Why not go out with someone?"
She tilted her head as if saying 'What are you even talking about?', so I continued to explain what I said,
"What I mean is that if you get together with someone, wouldn't all this confession thing will end? If everyone sees that you have someone you like, won't they give up?"

She listened to me and gave me a warm smile. She started looking at the sky like she was observing something in the distance or trying to distract herself from something.

"I also thought about it but the problem is I don't have that 'Someone' I like. "
"But that can't be true... "
If I remember correctly, during that confession earlier she rejected him because she had someone to like or did I perhaps mishear something?
"But you said that before?"
"... Oh that, it's just my way to reject someone quickly. If I don't say it some of them ask me to go out with them as a trial pack or something and see if things will work out. It becomes more and more difficult to reject them afterward. So, I give them 'I like someone else' as an excuse to finish everything quickly."
"... I see. "

I was surprised by her answer. After that, we continued walking in silence. Probably it was because of the things that happened today that neither of us knew what to talk about. It was normal for me, as I don't have much experience with talking to people but Yoshida, on the other hand, was different from me still she didn't speak a word after that. We reached the train station and parted ways from there. I reached home and fell on my bed like a dead body.
Today was surprisingly exhausting. I didn't expect Yoshida to be suffering, I always thought she was so carefree. Watching her made me think that I was playing my life in easy mode, while she was fighting with everything she had. What's more surprising is that I made a friend,

'Wait, are we friends or was it just lip service?...she seemed happy tho.'

I let out a sigh thinking about that. I was wondering what changes it brought in my life, it was the first time that someone opened up to me. There was a sense of happiness dwelling within me. Before I knew it I fell asleep.
It was the next day in school, and Yoshida greeted me as usual like yesterday never happened. The weak girl I saw yesterday was nowhere, it made me doubt who was the real Yoshida. Days passed peacefully and nothing much changed, The only thing that changed was the fact people saw us in the cafe and rumors from before grew strong. The relation which was just more than a classmate was changed to a friend. This is not something to brag about because according to others everyone who talks to her is her friend. So for me, I'm just one more person on that list, and that day everything I was worried about became true.

It was after PE class. While others were going back to the class, a few students stayed behind to put equipment used back into the store room. This was another duty of the CRs. I collected all the balls that were scattered on the basketball field and took them to the storeroom. The storeroom door was closed, and I was about to open it when I heard a few voices coming from inside, it wasn't hard for me to tell that voices belonged to my classmate who stayed behind to clean up, and among them, one voice belonged to Yoshida. They were all discussing something. The door was closed so no one knew that I was outside,

"So, you're saying that there's nothing between you two?" (Female 1)"Yes, that's what I told." (Yoshida)
"I'm not surprised, you're too good for him." (Female 2)
"..."
"I know, right? I mean just looking at him, I can tell he is having weird fantasies about you in his mind" (Female 1)
"Talk about being creepy." (Female 2)
"..."
"On a serious note, what do you think about him?" (Male 1)
"What do you mean?" (Yoshida)
"Do you like him?" (Male 1)
"No, why would ask that knowing that he lurks around me like a stalker?" (Yoshida)
"But having someone who likes you gives you a good feeling, right? "(Male 1 joked)
"Give me a break, we're not even friends!" (Yoshida)

Yoshida couldn't take any more retorts, she walked away and swung open the storeroom door. Her angry expression quickly turned pale like she had seen a ghost. Now, we were standing face-to-face.

"Yo Rep, what are you doing here?" (Female 1 spoke from behind with a surprised expression)
"...balls." (I spoke)

They looked at my hands and it was obvious what I came for. I quickly kept the things where they belonged and left them. What were they talking about? Stalker? Does Yoshida have a stalker? If yes, why wasn't I aware of it? More importantly, 'we're not even friends' Whom was it directed towards?
My paranoid nature was at its peak. I was sure it had nothing to do with me but still felt that I was involved somehow,

'Were they talking about me? '

I was too afraid to ask Yoshida, what if everything I was thinking was true. I was so worried about it that school ended before I could even confirm anything. I decided to leave things be as they are. I mean, how bad can things go from here? I was already at the lowest in my life, so even if a few people hate me, what difference does it make? Moreover,

'I don't even know if they were talking about me.'

In the worst-case scenario, I'll lose friends who were never my friends. I laughed at my self-deprecating thoughts.

'I'm such a loser'

The answer to my worries was simple still I couldn't do anything about it. After becoming a CR, I thought I could change but I was still the same to the core. After saying all those talks to Yoshida that day, look at me now, overthinking about things that don't even matter.

A few things came to my mind but I was conflicted it what to do. In the end, I decided to do nothing and see how things unfold. If it had something to do with me, it will inevitably come to light and I will decide what to do after that.
The way Yoshida treated me didn't change and I didn't let my feelings show on my face. The days passed peacefully, so peacefully that it made me wonder why was I worried in the first place. After the incident in the Cafe, Miyamoto and Yoshida became friends. I spent my days as usual... alone, that is.

'sigh... Nothing has changed, I guess.'

Because of Miyamoto, Yoshida was able to make more friends and the responsibility that I felt on that day was gone. It was like someone else took my spot. It arose a new feeling in me, more like a feeling that I had long forgotten. It was jealousy... but I don't hate it.
I smiled as Yoshida was chatting among her friends as if I accomplished something.

'Now, it's about time.'

The morning homeroom was about to start and everyone was minding their business. I was at my seat as usual. The teacher entered the class with a serious expression and everyone hurriedly went back to their seats. After hesitating a little she spoke,

"...We will elect a new male CR."

The class burst into noises.

"Sho Tanaka requested this... So, we'll decide it today and quickly."

Yes, it's been two weeks since I became CR but it was not because I wanted to become one. Thinking about it again I didn't want to do anything this year. So, why did I do it for so long? It was curiosity, the curiosity about why someone wanted me to become CR so badly and now I found my answer, it's time for me to go. 
—Go back to the way I was.