Chapter 4:

Chapter 04

My crush was secretly the greatest heart surgeon.

Chapter 04

Hana went back to drawing on the board. It wasn't anything special, something a kindergartener would draw, actually. A picture of a house, a dog, and a smiley sun in the upper left corner, something that a dad would stick on a fridge. I think she's bored or something; she's waiting for me to think this through, and she's bored. Doesn't she understand how much of a huge choice this is? I never saw her take anything seriously before. She was the kind of person who was always ready to lighten up the room.


She's so tall as well. If I wore her raincoat, would the bottom scrape the floor? I put my hands in my pocket and kicked her other boot to the floor. Ignoring the squeaking sound of the marker on the board, this classroom has a relaxing ambiance, juxtaposed to when it's full and people are screaming at each other because of the rain. It's cozy. Makes me want to sleep actually.


"You said... You said I was asleep for ten days?"

"Um?" she, who was immersed in her drawing, cocked her head. "Yes, I think it was ten days. I counted the minutes, as I said earlier."


She counted the minutes? "That means you were all alone here for a week and three days?"

She cocked her head again, as if she didn't get why I asked that question. "Yeah, why?"


"What? Did you think I was scared? Um?" her expression went playful again. "Did you want to protect me or something, because I'm such a cute little girl?"

"Err... no, actually," I sighed. "I can't protect you from anything." I gave her a weak smile and self-deprecatingly showed off my stick figure arms.

"You are tiny, aren't you?" she remarked. "I always wondered what it was like to pick you up like a puppy."

"P-Please don't!"

"You're scared of heights? Or are you scared of girls?"

I didn't respond to that. I only scratched my elbow and said, "Actually, I lived my whole life scared, then one day, all the fear went away."

"R-right..." she looked away as she started to blush.

Ah... that's right... the way I nonchalantly walked up to her and asked her to meet me on the roof was... I wonder if I could do that on any normal day. I walked over to the other side of the classroom and looked out the window; outside was the same, chaotic. It's pretty strange not feeling my heart beat all the time. Feels... weird. I want to address the elephant in the room, so I turned around and faced her.

"Are you human?...."

"No, I'm a fallen angel."


"Fallen angel," she looked over at me with her smug face and raised her thick eyebrows. "So, whenever guys ask me if it hurt when I fell from heaven, I always tell them yes, hehe."

"..." So, you're actually a fallen angel?"


"As in, the Christian kind?"

"I guess you could say that..."


"Look, religion is like science; it's never one hundred percent true. It's only an approximation of the truth, it's a mechanism in which humans create in order to make sense of the world."

"...Okay... Um... that's cool, I guess," without knowing what else to say, I said that.


She went back to drawing on the board. Now the house had a fence and a pie in the window.

"I have so... many questions..."


I have so many questions...

"Luckily, time stopped, right? I have all the time I want, right?"

As I say that, her facial expression darkens and becomes very serious.

"Well, either way, you're gonna forget it."


She's right... whatever I learn here is futile.

"And also, we don't have all eternity here," she calmly puts the marker down, her expression now harder to read. "I can't keep this up for long, so you better leave. If you don't and if time runs out, you're gonna die."


She puts her hands behind her back and tells me, "we only have one more day, in other words approximately twelve hours from now."


"So, better choose quickly."


I take two steps back and almost stumble.

Ah... There's a time limit... there's a time limit....


I wipe my face to try to think straight.

I take a seat on the desk that's behind me; I slump down and cover my face. In the little gaps between my fingers, I can see her, I can see Hana Hawazawa sitting in the teacher's desk and playing with her nails as if nothing's new to her. That's right... even though this situation is so fantastical, she's a fallen angel; this is just an everyday thing for her, huh? For normal people, having heart murmurs is a cause for concern, but for me, that was my daily life.


I look out the window again. There's so much to think about and not enough time... twelve hours? I try to deduce this situation, boil it down to its base elements and rationalize.

Ahh.... There's no point in rationalizing this, is there? What am I debating this for? If... when I take the red pill, I will never set foot in this school, but will I be missing anything? Me, who doesn't have friends or any reason to live here... That's right, there was never holding me here to begin with, and even so, is surviving longer the obvious trade for a couple of friends? I wouldn't remember them. I wouldn't remember anything, so what's the point in staying?


Hana is picking at her hair tips, looking bored. Ever since I came to this school, I had a crush on her. Despite her being the most popular and beloved girl, she always, always! Rejected confessions from boys, and even girls as well. She was untouchable. So when I invited her to come to the roof, I told her bluntly what I wanted. And even so. Even so, she agreed and she came, but I didn't. I pathetically collapsed on the stairs... I died because I climbed some stairs. This is all normal for her, the confession was an everyday occurrence, like heart murmurs there were a part of her life. Waving off boys was as much a part of her life as constant pain was for me.

That's right...


I put myself together and stand up so fast the chair collides with the desk behind, catching Hana off guard. I put one foot forward, and another, then another, then another. I was making sure I was taking one step at a time. I've made up my mind. I've made my choice. The choice is clear. The choice is obvious.

With each step towards Hana, the weight of my decision seems to increase tenfold. The room feels suffocatingly small, the air thick with anticipation. Every sound is magnified, the creak of the floorboards beneath my feet echoing like a thunderclap in the silence that surrounds us. Hana's gaze flickers up from her hair, her expression a curious mix of surprise and apprehension as she takes in my determined approach.

My heart hammers against my ribs, each beat a drumroll heralding the momentous choice I am about to make. The floor seems to stretch on endlessly, each inch of distance between us a chasm of uncertainty that I must bridge. With each step, I can feel the weight of her gaze upon me, a tangible presence that both propels me forward and threatens to halt me in my tracks.

As I draw closer, I can see the faintest hint of uncertainty in Hana's eyes, a flicker of doubt that mirrors my own. Does she sense the gravity of this moment, the weight of the words that hang unspoken between us? Or is she merely caught off guard by the sudden intensity of my resolve?

Finally, I stand before her, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I struggle to find the words to express the turmoil within me. Hana meets my gaze, her eyes searching mine for some hint of what lies beneath the surface. And in that moment, as our worlds collide and our fates intertwine, I know that there can be no turning back.

I swiftly break our shared gaze and dash to the side of the class, my feet almost lunging off the floor as Hana gasps after my sudden movements. I struggle to stop myself as I swipe the two boots that were lying on their side on the floor, and crouched again to swipe her big raincoat. As I leave the class, I slam the door. With all that in my hands, I rush to the end of the hallway and go down the staircase so fast I might as well have jumped down.

At the bottom, I hastily kick off my school slippers and put on her boots; my feet slide perfectly into her big boots.


My feet are too small for these boots, but even still, I try my best not to trip over as I run to the back exit of the school building. The big door is wide open, and the sound of the rain intensifies as I feel rain droplets hit me in the face; some of them fall so fast they ricochet off the porcelain floor and whip my pants. I gingerly toss the raincoat over my head; it lands gently and hangs over my frame.


It still has her scent somehow.




I hear her screaming from the other side of the building, her voice becoming louder and louder, but it is soon drowned by the tumultuous storm that lays in front of me, and of which I walk closer to. I pull the hoodie over my head and go outside. And just like that, I'm deaf, my eardrums surrounded by the aggressive rain and wind.