A Wounded Mind

Rosamund finished dressing up. He carefully tied his cravat and attached the pin. His reflection in the mirror made him ill. Disgusting, ugly, pathetic wreck sadly looked back at him. The devil didn't even leave a mark on him, the abhorrent creature he was looking at was nobody but himself. He started trembling again, tightly gripping the mirror frame. How far can he fall- no. No!

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

What a lovely pin, he thought, gently touching it with his fingertips. The jewel was cool and shiny and beautiful. A wonderful present, all for him. And his clothes were beautiful, too. Gently embroidered with utmost care of a skilled craftsman. It must have taken weeks of work to do it by hand, one stitch at a time. It was done for him, too. And his hair was beautiful, clean and combed back into a low ponytail. And his beard, too. He was as handsome as ever.

He was just tired. He had circles around his eyes like bruises. But, were sleepless nights really so foreign to him? No, not at all. Nobody will notice, nobody will know. He was himself. He was fine.

The terror he felt last night was not his fault. The visceral reaction he had to recalling it was not his fault. He was still himself. He was lovely, lovable, and deeply broken. He was feeling disgusting now, but he will be better. He always gets better. Every time.

There was a knock on the door. The show must go on. He straightened his back as the door was opening.

Adanita... He almost broke down from just seeing her. But he couldn't afford it. There were other matters to attend to. He closed off his face completely. No emotions will escape him today. He will be forgiven for this later, too. He realized from her reaction that he didn't behave this way around her from quite a while now. Last time... would have been on the island, wouldn't it? He opened up to her rather quickly. She was shocked to see him in this state, especially after how warmly he acted to her last night. Gods, what if she hated him? What if she decided she wanted nothing to do with him? He wasn't in this state often, but-

She reached out for him, but stopped when she saw him flinch.

"Are you alright? Honorable Lilac told us what happened," she said.
'Us'? Her, Nivelir and Ekliptik, presumably. His brother generally had a brain, he and Teo won't spread the word. Hopefully. If that poor servant from last night tries to say anything, Bluebell and the rest of his staff from the Capital will write it off as another one of his episodes. Nobody will think of a devil. Just his nightmares.

But he knew. He knew what happened, and what the devil offered. Did Lilac tell them all yet? No, there was no time. If Adanita knew, she wouldn't be looking at him with such worry. She'd hate him, surely. He'd never accept it, he wouldn't...

"I am not feeling well," he directly said, keeping himself neutral. Calm. "It is taking quite a toll on me and I can't afford a breakdown at this time. Please refrain from touching me for now."
"I- understood. I apologize, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Or- afraid. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."
What did she- oh no. "Captain. I do not blame you for the events of last night. You are a victim as much as I am. I will... tell you everything when we're in the Capital. I need to explain it to my parents, too, and I don't really think I can repeat myself too much. Did Lilac give you the vials?"
"Aye. And I got my swords from your room. I'm sorry."
"Nothing to worry about," he assured her.
"Will you return there?"
"Gods no. If I have to walk into that room again as it is, I think I'd simply faint. I'll just declare it needs to be renovated, and stay elsewhere until I can return." His office had a couch, for example. He took a seat to put his shoes on.

She was still there, standing in silence.

Gods, the way she looked. It was clear how much she blamed herself for what happened. The guilt was burning her up from within, she looked as sick as he was. He didn't want her to be like this. It wasn't her fault. He got up and went up to her, willing to send his composure to hell and give her all the reassurance she could ever ask for, but she stopped him by stepping back.
"It's alright. I'm fine," she said quietly.
"I can see you aren't," he replied. "Please know, I don't blame you for anything. I don't. It's not your fault." He would keep saying it forever, if she needed him to.
"I know. I still feel bad, and I can also see you are unwell. Please don't try to comfort me when you are also barely keeping it together. Please. Take care of yourself, too."
"I am... I am," he promised. It was a lie. He wouldn't feel so ill if it wasn't.

She reached out for him again, gently touching the frills on his cuffs. She only held his sleeve, careful not to touch him. He could feel the warmth of her hand from how close she was. He closed his eyes, just for a moment. It was a simple act of reassurance for both of them.

She, too, was here for him.

The same way Lilac and Teodolit were last night. The same way his parents will be this morning. Hopefully, learning the story of what happened won't turn her against him- no. He was fine. He placed his hand over the pin once again, stopping his shivering. Even if she hated him... it was something he could accept. Something he deserved.

"I must go," he quietly said.

She nodded and let him go. He went to get his coat and headed out. He had work to do. After all, getting Alberic out of the house took effort from both sides of the ocean.

Master Nadir was already waiting for him in the office. She was well-dressed, well-rested, and ready for work even though it was the earliest morning, thanks to the four hour difference between them waking up. He showed her to the papers and ledgers and gave her permission to stay there for as long as she needed. She let him know Alberic had other plans for his investigation, and that he will probably spend the day speaking with the other people in the manor. At this time, the man was not interested in speaking with Adanita, which nicely matched their plans for the day.
"Where is he now?" Rosamund asked her.
"He said he will look for Honorable Mage Master first," she replied. "Oh, and your Lord Secretary, and Captain of the Guard. He is conducting his own investigation, and he asked me to let you know that he isn't interested in speaking with you today. Which I am sure you must be glad for. You seem rather tired."
"Yes, I am. Lord Nivelir and my brother decided we should celebrate yesterday's success. I've barely slept. I am afraid I can't handle alcohol as well as when I was younger," he said.
"Ah, the youth," she agreed. "It is always hard to keep up with their pace. Whenever I think Prince Alberic is slowing down, he sends me after you again. Not a single day of peace... I should get to work now. Thank you for your time. Do you happen to know where the Pirate Queen is? I must admit I am rather curious to meet her."
Adanita told everyone she'd spend the day in Hipparcos and Rosamund repeated the lie. Master Nadir didn't hide her disappointment, but there wasn't much she could do about it. Rosamund excused himself, letting her know his parents were waiting for him.

And for Adanita, of course. After leaving the manor, she expertly sneaked her way around the property.
The two of them met up with Lilac and Teodolit at the circle.

The cold winter air made him shiver. The cool sensation on his face felt as if he was once again grabbed by the devil. He clenched his fists, trying to keep himself under control.

Adanita noticed he was off again. She raised her hand, but she stopped herself in time. She cleared her throat instead, wrapping the warm fur coat around herself tightly.
"I- I must admit I didn't miss the Bretonian winters at all," she tried.
A corner of his lips twitched. She was really doing her best. For him. He gave her a nod and started marching to the manor. If she was feeling cold, there was no need to linger. He'll have to speak with his parents sooner or later. If he was going to wait around and hesitate like a coward, he could do it inside by a fireplace all the same.

Earl and Countess were waiting for them in one of the smaller drawing rooms. It was a quiet place, farther away from the more visited areas of the manor. When they saw how he looked, they both wisely decided not to do more than a polite greeting. The tea and little snacks were already waiting for them, and they all sat down. His parents took one couch, and Adanita sat on the other one across from them. As the highest ranking man and a sort of a mediator in this strange situation, Rosamund sat on the armchair at the head of the low coffee table. She was nervous, and they were deeply concerned. It was on him to break the ice, then.

"Mother and father, I'd like to introduce you to the Pirate Queen, Captain Adanita Vervain. Captain, these are my parents, Countess Karin and Earl Heather Alsop en la Dale. I wish the circumstances of this were different, but we postponed this meeting for long enough. Captain Vervain, can we begin with you telling them your story?"
"Ah- aye. Hm."
"Are you sure this is the right order, Rosamund?" his mother asked before Adanita could even start.
She was concerned. They all were. "I apologize, mother. I am not feeling very well. I'd like a few more minutes to sort my thoughts. Captain Vervain's story is as important as mine, and it provides crucial context. I apologize I didn't inform you of this situation sooner, neither Lilac nor I thought it would be appropriate to speak of it without her present."
"Even if you were feeling well, I would prefer to hear an explanation of those strange news and your actions lately first. Captain Vervain, please continue," his father said. He took out an enchanted pen and placed it on the table, along with several papers for it to write on.

She began. He felt sorry for springing it up on her like that, but she was managing quite well. After all, the more times such a thing is said out loud, the easier it gets to repeat it. She was healing, somewhat. The little details of her previous life weren't relevant to his parents, and she didn't tell them all about her death. It wasn't necessary and neither of them asked.

Once she was done with her shortened version of events, he took a deep breath. He had the time to calm himself down. He bottled up all he could and it was now his turn to speak.

So he started citing the conversation.

Word for word.

Every vile thing the devil said. About him. About his brother. His name. And, well.

His offer.

His voice cracked. He didn't want to tell her. To tell them all that a godsdamned devil looked into his soul, and offered him to own another human. It was disgusting. It was wrong. He couldn't help it. He put a hand over his face as he leaned on his elbow on the armrest. His stomach was hurting. He felt sick and disgusting. He wanted to be somewhere, anywhere else. He couldn't bring himself to look at them, to see what they'd think of him. How horrified they would be.
"I- I'm sorry. I was- I would never-" His voice cracked again. "Never..."
He continued quietly sobbing in the silent room.

His father let out a sigh, handing him a handkerchief. "Rosamund, we know."

Rosamund froze in place, paralyzed by a simple sentence. His father was unbothered and left the handkerchief on his lap.

"I'd like to point out to everyone in this room the sort of people who would try and summon devils. They are vile beyond our imagination, corrupt to the core with no ounce of remorse or mercy. Since those are the only humans an average devil will ever speak with, they shape their view of us all. He offered you what he thought humans want. Power, control, sometimes - other people. Look at us, my boy." Rosamund really didn't want to. His father never lied to him, but he was simply too terrified to look up. However, he couldn't stay like that either, a total mess that he was. He took the handkerchief to wipe away his tears and at least look vaguely presentable, before he was finally somewhat ready to face the room.

"Nobody is doubting your integrity. Calm down. Have some tea. Continue when you can."


Truth.


His parents looked concerned, but calm and patient. Adanita looked... afraid. But not of him. That was all that mattered.

He had some tea, as his father instructed. He was fine. He will manage to make it through this. There wasn't much more left. The pen was patiently waiting for him to continue. Pages were already nearly filled with it's tiny and neat writing, so his mother placed more paper on the table.

Everyone was ready. He could continue. The gaping hole in his chest felt smaller and smaller as he spoke of the remaining events from last night.

"What a mess..." his mother said with a sigh when he was done.
"Certainly not something that happens on a daily basis. I'd like to see that vial you mentioned now." The Earl held his hand out and Adanita gave it to him. The glow of vial's magic was completely gone, it was now simply a small glass container. The thing inside was emitting darkness, however. It didn't seem anyone else in the room could see it, considering the way his father squinted his eyes at it. "Interesting..."

His father set the down on the table and stared at it intensively for a few moments. Nobody dared to disturb him. The silence was slowly becoming suffocating as he stood up and walked over to the window, looking at the snowy lands outside.

"Interesting..." he repeated, this time quietly. Before Rosamund could ask him anything, he spoke up. "Karin, go with Rose to the library. Keep him calm and analyze the entire conversation. We need to know, word by word, what was truth and what was a lie."
"Of- of course. But-"

"Captain Vervain," he coldly cut him off. "A word with you, please."