Stafford Knight with a side of salt

Iori smirked as Clifford begrudgingly awarded her the spoils of her victory. "I haven't been this badly thrashed since I played THOSE two," Clifford mumbled under his breath.

"Alright, now thanks to the points I just got, I'm challenging jumpman cabby," Iori snickered.

"EY! Don't call me "jumpman"! Mariano scowled.

"OK, Wahoo cabby guy."

"You tryin to top my shitlist? Well your little stint at the hotel sure got ya close to it. Blitz format, you play white. I'm a busy man so move."

"Alright," Iori snickered as she opened by moving her knight to a3.

"The Sodium attack? Well, I guess it's not the worst opening. I guess in the meantime I'll challenge Sandy," Mimoko sighed.

Mariano scowled as he sat down. "You making light of me just cuz I'm lower rated than Cliff? Well it'll cost ya," he glared as he moved his pawn to e6.

"Clearly, cuz I'm gonna wreck you in less moves," Iori declared as she moved her pawn to e4.

"Not on your life!" Mariano roared as he moved his pawn to d5.

"Wow, it's like a French defense," Iori chuckled as she moved her pawn to e5.

"No it ain't cuz you brought your knight out!" Mariano glared as he captured the knight at a3 with his bishop.

"Well thanks sucker," Iori snickered as she captured said bishop with her b-pawn.

"The hell you so snarky for? You just lost a knight. Knights are the most versatile pieces on da board. You don't just throw em away like nothing," Mariano ranted as he moved his bishop to d7.

"Well that's big talk. Just saying, you were one of the first guys we met in New York," Iori snickered as she moved her queen to g4.

"You tryin' to imply I'm some Desperado!?" Mariano glared as he moved his pawn to c5.

"Well, you just so happened to be in the area when we arrived. Pretty sus," Iori snickered as she captured the pawn at g7 with her queen.

"Ah! Shit! My rook! Grr, whatever. As for your accusation, my passenger just so happened to request I take em there," Mariano retorted as he moved his king to e7.

"And did you know he was Horner?" Iori asked as he captured the rook at h8 with her queen.

"Horner? Horner who? I don't ask for names, just fare," Mariano glared as he moved his knight to a6.

"Well did you know said passenger attacked all of us with an angry mob?" Iori asked as she captured the pawn at h7 with her queen.

The revelation seemed to startle everyone, though the Desperado made sure to keep their reaction in check.

"Hold on, you saying I sold you out to a passenger I just so happened to be transporting? That's bullshit!" Mariano fumed as he slammed his king down of f8.

"You are the most sus though. You also saw us all play before at Union square so you could have easily formed a plan to activate your DESPER when we got to your place," Iori argued as she moved her knight to f3.

"I didn't even know who you were! All I figured was that you were chess players so I stuck around, figuring you'd come to my place anyway!" Mariano retorted as he moved his bishop to e8.

Iori chuckled and pointed towards her breasts. "Remember the DESPER key I showed earlier?" she asked as she moved her rook to b1.

"What about it?" Mariano scowled as he moved his queen to b8.

"Oh nothing, just the fact that it can tell me if you have a DESPER or not!" Iori energetically shouted as she captured the pawn at a6 with her bishop.

Mariano stared at the board with an annoyed and disappointed look. "Really? I'm talking about your move too. How's any of that supposed to prove anything. You're just hyping stuff up probably cuz you're a streamer or something," he growled as he captured the bishop at a6 with his b-pawn.

A sinister grin formed on Iori's face. "Guess you ain't super Mario, more like stupid Mario. ICBM INCOMING!" she gleefully shouted as she captured the queen at b8 with her rook, sending the piece flying.

Mariano's eye twitched as he put his hand on his face and dejectedly captured said rook with his rook. His chances of winning had just gone down the drain.

"Seems you just realized, it's game over," Iori snickered as she moved her knight to g5.

"Not yet!" Mariano retorted as he moved his rook to b1.

However, Iori simply castled on the king's side, frustrating Mariano and prompting him to move his pawn to c4. Iori then moved her pawn to a4 and after Mariano moved his rook to a1, it was over. Iori mercilessly moved her bishop to e3, leaving Mariano with no choice but to move his knight to e7.

"I think you just topped Wiley and Pewler on my shit list. I really hate you," Mariano scowled.

"Guess the Sodium attack was symbolic, you really are salty. Checkmate," Iori snickered as she moved her queen to h8, winning the game.

"Yeah, you're top of my shit list now."

After Mariano gave Iori her spoils of victory, Mimoko won her game against Sandy and decided to challenge Clifford next. Iori meanwhile decided to challenge Sheila.

"Just saying, you were the only person that saw us leaving the hotel," Iori snickered as Sheila shot her a death glare.

"All I did was report some unruly players to a WWCF official," Sheila glared back.

"In other words, you sold us out to that ponytailed fuck."

"I really don't care. Now you play as black, with less time, blitz time, and I get draw odds."

"Whoa, ain't that a little unfair? You are the Maestro's- Pft!"

Iori struggled to contain her laughter as Sheila was forced to show her WWCF card. Sheila's rating was only 800, the bare minimum rating needed to become a maestro.

"Guess the apple fell a country away from the tree. Now I can wreck you in style," Iori snickered as Sheila sat down at the board.

"Don't laugh... Don't laugh!" Sheila shouted as she moved her pawn to e4.

Iori didn't seem to care about Sheila's mental state and moved her pawn to e5 without saying a word. Sheila promptly moved her knight to f3, while Iori smirked and moved her knight to f6.

"Oh, so you've finally run out of steam. Then I'll take that pawn," Sheila glared as she captured the pawn at e5 with her knight.

"Nah, I'm still sharper than every tack out there, and not even close to being tired. I just went nearly two days without sleep. After that 12 hour nap, I'm fully recharged," Iori grinned as she moved her knight to c6.

"Clearly not. You can't simply stay up 48 hours straight and manage to beat Manny like you did," Sheila glared as she captured the knight on c6 with her knight.

"Oh but I can, I just gotta have a condition for winning a DESPER battle be having my body being rested up in an instant. So I guess it wasn't technically a 48 hour marathon since I used a restore item, but who cares," Iori snickered as she captured the knight at c6 with her c-pawn.

"You're right, I don't care. About you, or about this stupid game," Sheila thought as she moved her pawn to d3.

Wiley, meanwhile glared as he watched the match.

"That's a nasty glare you've got there," Daria stated as Iori moved her bishop to c5.

"It's there for a reason. I'm pissed off," Wiley snarled as Sheila moved her bishop to g5.

"Lol, now I can take your pawn- OH Fuck!" Iori cried after she captured the pawn at e4 with her knight.

"Touch move, touch take! Seems I will be winning after all," Sheila glared as she captured the queen at d8 with his bishop.

Wiley let out a frustrated sigh. "That idiot is ruining my legacy. Why did I decide not to be more strict with Gabriel?"

"Seems like Boomer realized it; You just fell for one of the Stafford gambit's biggest traps," Iori snickered as she captured the pawn at f2 with her bishop.

"What do you mean!? I'm still ahead in material," Sheila huffed as he moved her king to e2.

"Lol, guess you really got hard carried by your boomer grandpa. Checkmate, BA-KA!" Iori snickered as she slammed her bishop down on g4 and gave Sheila the middle finger.

Tears began to pour out of Sheila's eyes as she stared at the board. "No, Not again... NOT AGAIN! I HATE CHESS! I HATE IT!"

"Will you shut up! It's your fault! I drilled everything into you, but you threw everything out in exchange for video games and social media bullshit!" Wiley fumed.

The outburst caused Mimoko to gaze up and turn towards Sheila. "I'm playing her next."

"Um excuse me? You're in a game with me-"

"Checkmate," Mimoko glared as she mated Clifford and approached Sheila. "I think it's time we finally sat down and talked."

The full games:

White: Iori Ishikiridokoro (1344) Black: SPCM Mariano Mario (1981)

1. Na3 e6

2. e4 d5

3. e5 Bxa3

4. bxa3 Bd7

5. Qg4 c5

6. Qxg7 Ke7

7. Qxh8 Na6

8. Qxh7 Kf8

9. Nf3 Be8

10. Rb1 Qb8

11. Bxa6 bxa6

12. Rxb8 Rxb8

13. Ng5 Rb1

14. O-O c4

15. a4 Ra1

16. Ba3+ Ne7

17. Qh8#

White: SPCM Sheila Frisch (800) Black: Iori Ishikiridokoro (1344)

1. e4 e5

2. Nf3 Nf6

3. Nxe5 Nc6

4. Nxc6 dxc6

5. d3 Bc5

6. Bg5 Nxe4

7. Bxd8 Bxf2+

8. Ke2 Bg4#