Strange Creatures

Bartholomew walked until his feet began to hurt — about five steps — before taking a thirty minute break. After a while, DemontheDemon’s screams faded into the distance, and Bartholomew felt satisfied.

“Thank goodness I no longer have to listen to that yap.

Bartholomew glanced upwards at the previous sentence as he spoke. It seems that the author had forgotten quotation marks. What a silly mistake to make, he thought. This cute, handsome, clumsy, adorable, intelligent, rich, tall (6’4”) author just couldn’t seem to write his own story properly.

“Baka…”

Before long, he came to a bunch of houses that had been buried within the treeline, hanging from branches and nailed to the trunks as if they had been stolen from the ground and forced up there. Needless to say, they weren’t houses suited for the trees. Although, when had been the last time Bartholomew had seen a village in the trees? Absolutely never.

“This certainly isn’t up to structural code…”

There was a sign at the front of the village that read: [Weight Limit: 673 LBS.]

“Shucks… I’m 674 LBS…”

At that moment, in the bushes and foliage above and around him, gleaming blue, black, red, orange, yellow, pink, purple, green, and blue eyes opened all at once, staring at him in unison. One of these pairs of eyes stood up, dragging along a cloak of foliage with it. This creature had soft features — well, as soft as fur can be — and ears that twitched with every action occurring around it.

Bartholomew’s widened upon seeing this cat-like creature.

“F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-furries!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

More than that, it was the most terrifying creature in existence.

A woman.

And she had a gun. A really big gun. The one that you might use to get trickshots on Highrise with…

The cat-woman furry creature thing wielding an M39 Enhanced Marksman Rifle had #4E5754-coloured hair and 220-156-000-coloured eyes.

“Welcome, Kind Stranger. You seem quite powerful. Immensely powerful, even. We’ve heard of your approach hours ago- your movements echo through the forest with each step. We honour your presence, oh great one. Your aura- that foul aura… it’s worthy of a great being like you.”

It was not English or Japanese or Silbo Gomero that she spoke, but Bartholomew instinctively understood what she was saying. Of course, because it was an isekai, this was an obvious effect deriving from his ability set. If that weren’t the case, it would take a lot more writing and justification for this understanding to occur.

“Ah, sugoi! I’m finally that someone has realised the greatness of someone like myself! A nice guy like me has a really great aura, don’t I!?” Bartholomew’s expression warped with a sense of fervor and self-satisfaction.

“Great Lord of Vileness, would you mind filling out this questionnaire? It’s common for most visitors of our village to do so…” As she presented a sheet of paper, she bowed deeply, signifying her true, great respect.

Bartholomew, padded up with exuberance and loftiness, questioned this questionnaire.

“Why should I fill one out?”

Seeing this might being’s gaze growing dark and cold, each furry cat person thing surrounding them instinctively began to tremble.

“Our apologies, Lord! We thought that you may wish to hide your might and pretend to be a normal visitor. In this forest, there are many prying eyes that would wish to harm powerful beings for the gain of honour…”

Not pressing the matter further, Bartholomew stepped forward, reaching one of his grimy hands out towards the cat woman.

“Very well. I will take your advice, strange creature thing.”

She handed Bartholomew the sheet of paper and a #1 pencil.

His eyes shimmered as he accepted the two items.

‘#1 pencils!? I thought those were a myth…’

On the sheet of paper, there was a questionnaire he was meant to fill out. His name was worth five points. He scrawled his username into the line at the top and continued to read the questions.

[#1: How many lives have you lost on a scale from 1-9?]

‘Ah, I know this one. The answer is one! I’ve lost one life!’

[#2: Are you currently sexually active?]

Bartholomew’s eyebrow raised as he read this question.

‘Sex? That’s a thing that only happens in visual novels, and also Sword Art Online Chapter 16.5, my favourite fictional work! I wonder if this world has them too?’

The third and final question was different from the others, however.

[#3: There is someone who is currently watching you. You led them here. Are you ready to fight alongside us and kill them, Great Lord?]

Bartholomew looked out of the corner of his gaze into the distance. Opposite of the slowly-setting sun, he saw the silhouette of a creature in the distance, enveloped by a misty haze and onsetting shadow. It was eerie and unmoving, silently staring at Bartholomew.

He smirked, staring at this strange creature.

“Finally… I thought this world wouldn’t have them…”

Bartholomew raised the metal scabbard in his two massive hands, entering a ‘battle’ stance.

“Come at me, Redditor…”