Chapter 3:

CHAPTER 3: THE GREAT SNEAKER OF CHERSEA

The Human Saint is Bored, so I was Summoned to Another World Vol. 1


***One time at the Holy Chambers palace***Bookmark here

The Holy Palatial Gardens’ Head Maid, Lilyhaven Tamriel von Leese, stood by one window of the palace. Her eyes looked toward the gardens, though her mind was flying elsewhere.Bookmark here

Haa…”Bookmark here

“That’s one melancholic sigh you got there, Lily.”Bookmark here

The Head Maid’s train of thoughts stopped. Turning around, she saw Her Holiness, the Saint of Chersea, standing behind her.Bookmark here

“Y-Your Holiness!” she almost jumped in surprise, “I didn’t notice you at all!”Bookmark here

“Indeed. I’ve been here since the start of the chapter and was looking for you before that.”Bookmark here

“Ha?”Bookmark here

“Don’t mind me.”Bookmark here

“M-My apologies, Y-Your Holiness!” the Head Maid bowed, “I made you wait for long.”Bookmark here

Nah, it’s fine.” the Saint replied, along with a gentle smile, “Well, to be honest, I was looking for you because lately I noticed something different. And I’d like to confirm my thoughts about it.”Bookmark here

The Head Maid fell silent.Bookmark here

“You know what I’m talking about, right, Princess Lily?”Bookmark here

“About him?”Bookmark here

“Yes.” the Saint nodded, “That guy from the otherworld, Kuro.”Bookmark here

The Head Maid sighed, “Well, I find him trustworthy…”Bookmark here

“Indeed, you are. You’re even willing to fight your fellow servants to protect him.”Bookmark here

“He has done nothing wrong.”Bookmark here

“I believe so too; I can read minds, remember?” Her Holiness hugged her friend, at which the Head Maid huddled up to her, “And I’m really glad you became lively once again.”Bookmark here

“T-thanks, Your Holiness!”Bookmark here

“Yes…however, you know very well that Kuro is a different person, right?” the Saint gently tapped the Head Maid’s shoulder, “That he won’t be a replacement for your older brother.”Bookmark here

“I understand that, Your Holiness…” the Head Maid went back to staring outside, as tears fell from her eyes, “However, I can’t help it. Mister Kuro reminds me of him, especially, after that time when Mister Kuro pushed me out of harm’s way to save me.”Bookmark here

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save your brother back then.”Bookmark here

Hm…it’s alright, Your Holiness.” the Head Maid wiped her tears, “I know you did everything you could. It’s just that, my brother gave up his life for me…”Bookmark here

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**Kuro**Bookmark here

Ahh…a new ‘day’ has arrived.Bookmark here

Ever since that incident with the maids happened, I’d been living a quiet life. Bookmark here

Maybe they realized I don’t mean any harm and stopped plotting against me?Bookmark here

That, I couldn’t say; their sharp stares and persistent grumbling remained the same, though. But there were no bullying incidences against me…at least for the meantime.Bookmark here

Now that I think about it, I guess that happened about four days ago? Or a week? Bookmark here

Well, sorry about that; it seemed like I lost track of time. This world, Chersea, wasn’t like where I came from—Earth. If Earth had day and night, here at Chersea, it’s always light. The only actual sign of the passing of time—according to what I read in the books—was when the people themselves age, or when the climate changes, similar to the seasonal cycles back in my old world.Bookmark here

“Hey!” I waved at a passing guard, “Can I know what season it is right now?”Bookmark here

Hmm? Well, it’s the ‘Season of Sleep’.” she noted the flying butterflies, “That’s why you see a lot of these beautiful creatures around.”Bookmark here

“I see. Thanks!”Bookmark here

The ‘Season of Sleep’. According to the books, this was when the people of Chersea remember their dead loved ones. The sign that it was already the ‘Season of Sleep’ was when the first butterflies appear, which they believed to contain the souls of those who died.Bookmark here

“So, the people of Chersea also have a time for this, huh…” Somehow, a bittersweet and heavy feeling grew within my chest. It’s as if I’m missing something, or someone, yet I couldn’t remember who it was. Perhaps this had something to do with my previous life back on Earth…Bookmark here

Well, I can’t say. My mind was empty anyway.Bookmark here

Hm? Time for what?”Bookmark here

I almost jumped when I saw the Head Maid approaching me from behind. Bookmark here

“Sorry. Did I just startle you?”Bookmark here

Yeah, you just did. You’re going to kill me soon, you know! I wanted to say that, but well, I opted not to. It’s pretty trivial anyway, so I just greeted her with my usual line, “Err…what’s up?”Bookmark here

“Well, I just passed by.”Bookmark here

Yeah, she always says that.Bookmark here

“By the way, have you already taken your breakfast?” the Head Maid showed me a basket, “I brought some food from the kitchen. It seems the maids there made a little more than the usual.”Bookmark here

Oh, actually I haven’t eaten yet.” Now that I remember it, I just woke up and hadn’t got to eat yet, “What have you got in there?”Bookmark here

“Well first, let’s head to the table over there.” We took the nearby vacant set of garden tables and chairs. Then, she brought out the contents of the basket, “Here’s some soup, there’s a bunch of bread too…”Bookmark here

A few moments later, various foods of all colors, shapes, and sizes filled the table, complete with a fancy tablecloth and elegant drinking glasses and cutlery. There’s even a bottle of sparkling wine that, according to her, was an ‘extra’ from the Saint’s breakfast.Bookmark here

Uh, Head Maid, I think this was more like a full-course meal than something that was leftovers from the kitchen…Bookmark here

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Oh, and the Saint of Chersea allowed me to stay in her palace for a while. She said she wouldn’t mind if I prolong or take permanent residence in her home; the decision was up to me. However, out of modesty and ethics, it was me who insisted that I would only stay here until I found a house outside the Palatial walls.Bookmark here

Ah, there you go cleaning again!” After I finished breakfast with the Head Maid, I volunteered to take in some cleaning tasks. But the Head Maid won’t have me do anything else…Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Yep, the Saint let me stay at this place. Complete with food and other essentials…Bookmark here

…all for nothing.Bookmark here

Well, I understood that Saint Maddie was a spontaneous person. But hell, this was torture! Imagine summoning me to a strange world out of boredom and then letting me stay at her house for free. Bookmark here

Come on, I mean, it may sound appealing to many who wanted to laze around—and I’m also guilty of that—but hey, spending your entire life doing nothing except eat, sleep, drink, bathe, then rinse and repeat was freaking torture! And staying in someone else’s house doubles the awkward, and useless, feeling that you get; as a human, it hurts my pride.Bookmark here

I don’t want to live and die like a free-loader. Heck, now that I recall, even a free-loader had something to burn their days away, like playing online games forever…Bookmark here

So, when I adapted to this new setting, I immediately set out to find something to do. Like cooking, or cleaning, or doing the laundry, or reading books, or feeding the horses, or polishing the equipment of the guards of the palace.Bookmark here

Anything. As long as my hands were busy…Bookmark here

However, there was someone who kept on preventing me to be of use.Bookmark here

“Kuro!” the Head Maid was stomping her feet as she raised her voice, “Stop with the cleaning, washing the laundry, cooking, and anything else that you’re doing for a while; you’re taking over someone else’s job.”Bookmark here

I stared blankly at the Head Maid. Well, she has a point.Bookmark here

“So what am I supposed to do?”Bookmark here

Hmm…I don’t know. Look, I’m glad that you are of help, but please don’t interfere with our work here. The other servants are just pushing their work unto you and it hurts their discipline.” the Head Maid tried her best to control her tone, “Maybe if you’d like to, you can go to the library and read the books there?”Bookmark here

Good lord, I finished all the books in there outside the ‘restricted’ section.”Bookmark here

“Oh…” She fell silent for a moment, before continuing, “Well, I’m sure you’ll find something else to do.”Bookmark here

And then another round of awkward quiet ruled between us. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say; I’m too intimidated to speak, lest I earn her anger once again. However, after a long while, it was the Head Maid who eventually broke the ice.Bookmark here

“By the way Kuro.”Bookmark here

“Hm?”Bookmark here

“I haven’t thanked you yet.”Bookmark here

“What for?”Bookmark here

“Well, I know that was an alibi you gave me back when you got attacked in your room.” she confessed, “And I hate liars.”Bookmark here

“Oh…” I forcefully laughed, “Sorry about that.”Bookmark here

“No, no! As I’ve said, I haven’t thanked you yet.” the Head Maid quickly countered my statement with a bow, “I’m not angry; well, just a little angry. But lately, I’ve realized why you did that.”Bookmark here

I was silent. I didn’t know what to say; she saw through my ruse.Bookmark here

“You considered the lives of those girls who hurt you. You don’t want them to lose their work, isn’t it?”Bookmark here

Err…aren’t you mistaking something, Head Maid?Bookmark here

But she continued, with a dreamy expression on her face, “And you also considered my feelings. To be honest, I want nothing bad to happen to them; I mean, they only acted that way because of their love and respect for Her Holiness.”Bookmark here

Uh-huh…just like any girl. The Head Maid’s reading too much from what I did.Bookmark here

“And for that, thank you Kuro!”Bookmark here

I’m feeling guilty over that sweet, innocent smile the Head Maid showed me. I should correct her before the misunderstanding increased…Bookmark here

“You know, Head Maid…” She was quiet, and her eyes never wavered from me as I explained to her the reasons I saved her subordinates. Deep inside, I hoped she would understand me; I took care of the words I say.Bookmark here

“Oh, so that’s what you’ve been thinking, huh?” the Head Maid closed her eyes and nodded, “I see now, Kuro.”Bookmark here

Ah, I guess that’s fine if the Head Maid understood. At least, I will not feel bad whenever that topic got brought up.Bookmark here

“You’re an honest person, huh?” she commented, her voice had this strange heavy tone to it, “I like that side of you; reminds me of someone close to me…”Bookmark here

“Hm?”Bookmark here

Err…n-nothing! Haha!Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

I didn’t know why, but the atmosphere suddenly grew awkward. I guess I need to change the topic…Bookmark here

“You know, I was wondering why the Saint summoned me if this world’s as peaceful as it is.” I sighed while muttering, “I mean, there’s not even a demon lord that’s evil enough to make war against humans, beastfolk, dwarves, and elves like in the stories.”Bookmark here

Ah, yeah. It’s too peaceful, it’s boring.” Lily replied, her eyes were gazing far ahead of us.Bookmark here

Eh? You want a war to erupt, huh?Bookmark here

Nah, don’t mind me.” she dismissed my comment with a chuckle, “I was just joking.”Bookmark here

I only stared blankly at her. This one’s a closet warmonger, I’ll remember that.Bookmark here

Ah, you know Her Holiness, she does what she thinks would make her happy—even if it’s just on a whim. But she’s still a good person deep inside; I’m sure the Saint will have a purpose for you soon because it is her will to summon you.”Bookmark here

“Yeah, I get it.” I couldn’t hide the disinterest in my voice. Honestly, I’ve had enough of hearing that. Observing the customs of those around me, I noticed that the phrase ‘Saint’s Holy Will’ was their excuse if something unfavorable happened in their lives. Bookmark here

After all, in this world, the ‘Saints’ are existences that are equated to deities.Bookmark here

“Oh yes, speaking of Her Holiness…” the Head Maid tapped my shoulder, “If you’re looking for something to do, you could bring her lunch if you wish. The food’s in the kitchen, she’s currently at the courtyard attending to some visiting patrons.”Bookmark here

“Alright. I’ll do just that then!”Bookmark here

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I went to the palace’s kitchen to help with Her Holiness’ lunch. The maids assigned to that section of the household had just finished doing their job and were preparing the fancy designs for the Saint’s plate, as well as for her visitors.Bookmark here

“Oh look, there’s the lust demon.” I heard someone whispered the moment I arrived in the kitchen.Bookmark here

Err…the Head Maid has ordered me to bring Her Holiness’ lunch to the courtyard.” I tried to ignore the hostile looks and sharp comments, but the urge to hit their heads was getting strong.Bookmark here

“Well, if you’re eager to do our work as always, we’ll let you be.” It’s the head of the kitchen maids; she always had this scowl on her face every time she talked to me, “Just don’t touch Her Holiness’ utensils, or she might get p-p-p-p-”Bookmark here

“P-?” This maid wasn’t making any sense.Bookmark here

“Or she might get sullied.” I know she was about to say another word, but whatever; as long as I could understand her, I’ll stay silent.Bookmark here

“I’ll just get the patrons’ portion.” I approached the patrons’ plates were, but then… Bookmark here

“!!!”Bookmark here

Someone tripped me, and I fell forward and face-down on the food. The maids laughed mockingly.Bookmark here

Or so they think.Bookmark here

“What?” Everyone got dumbfounded when they saw me do the ‘Moonwalk’. Bookmark here

Hah! Look at these servants’ dumb faces! I bet they didn’t even see that coming. Oh, and hey! I guess this could go down in Chersea’s history as the first ‘Moonwalk’ in this world! I could get famous here!Bookmark here

Thank you, Michael Jackson.Bookmark here

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Going from the kitchen to the courtyard was a bit of a long trip. To reach that place, I needed to pass through a winding maze of well-tended shrubs and fountains. Of course, the plants and water itself pose no threat. However…Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

I’m getting the feeling that those idiots from the kitchen hid the food cart and were planning to ambush me as I manually carry the patrons’ food to the courtyard. I mean, look—or imagine—this setting. This was like Vietnam, where you suddenly hear the trees and shrubs speak Vietnamese for a moment, then a hail of bullets and explosions would follow a second after.Bookmark here

Only this time, I might get a hail of flying leaves and droplets of water. If those fell into the food, it would get contaminated.Bookmark here

But of course, I knew their plans. It’s as clear as the day! Bookmark here

And I prepared proper counter-measures.Bookmark here

“!!!”Bookmark here

I cautiously stepped into the warzone. Watching my every move, tracking every moving branch, making sure that it was clear with every turn I made. Bookmark here

Duck for cover, if you must.Bookmark here

Give them hell if you want to survive.Bookmark here

Peel your eyes open, if you want to prevail.Bookmark here

In Vietnam, as I remember from the movies I watched, the enemy was everywhere. And the moment you let your guard down was the moment you die. Of course, a proper Vietnam War theme song should go with it.Bookmark here

“Humhumhumhum…mmm…paint it black…”Bookmark here

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***Meanwhile, in the courtyard***Bookmark here

The Saint had just finished entertaining her visitors and was expecting the lunch to be served. Her patrons had already taken their seats, with some were resting, while others had taken the break to marvel at the opulence of the Holy Palatial Gardens. Some of the kitchen staff had already arrived with some of the food and served the guests.Bookmark here

“Mom, look!” a child of one patron called out to her mother and pointed at something towards the garden maze.Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Everyone looked in the direction the child showed. It was Her Holiness who broke the deafening silence of her shocked visitors…Bookmark here

“What is that idiot doing?”Bookmark here

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**Kuro**Bookmark here

It’s been a while since I took a proper beating on the head.Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Well, I made myself looked like a moron back at the courtyard, doing those Vietnam War stunts…in the presence of the entire delegation of human and elvish patrons of Her Holiness. Bookmark here

It is really stupid!Bookmark here

And I guess the Saint got embarrassed too. She sent a book flying towards my head and hit it fair and square. After that, the Head Maid told me to cool-off somewhere inside the Holy Chambers.Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Anyway, now that I entered this place again, I remembered how powerful and important Her Holiness was in this world. This palace is proof of her greatness, indeed. Bookmark here

Just look at those velvety carpets lying on the floor; those intricate designs were something. The lacquered side tables dotted the halls and corridors of the building; on the top were expensive-looking vases filled with strange flowers of different variety. The tall, stained glass windows were letting in the light from the outside in its vividly colorful form. They even lined the bright white walls of the palace with golden borders.Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Fascinated by the opulence of the Saint’s house, I kept on walking down the long hallways and turning left or right whenever I wish. The sheer size of this residence wouldn’t bore me for a while, so I’ll just wander around in the meantime.Bookmark here

“!!!”Bookmark here

My train of thoughts got interrupted when I heard a loud crash. Quickly turning on a blind corner where the sound came, I saw a broken vase on the floor. It was suspicious, so my eyes went around to look for the culprit. After all, there’s no way the wind could knock that vase down since it’s quite heavy.Bookmark here

“Hello?” I called the person out.Bookmark here

No answer.Bookmark here

Then I tried again, “Anyone here?”Bookmark here

A moment of silence. Then I heard light footsteps in another corner of the hallway. I followed the sounds. The moment I reached the blind turn, I almost jumped in surprise.Bookmark here

Someone else is here.Bookmark here

“WHOA!” We both blurted out. The other guy quickly drew a dagger and pointed it at me.Bookmark here

“Don’t say a word.” he threatened, his eyes glared as if he’s willing to kill, “Who are you?”Bookmark here

“Isn’t it I’m the one who should ask that?”Bookmark here

“Silence and just raise your hand.”Bookmark here

I did what he said, “Look, I have nothing in me that is of value to you.”Bookmark here

Nah, I need nothing from you.” he explained while pushing the blade of his dagger on my side, “It’s just that you’re unlucky to have seen me.”Bookmark here

Hm? Come on man, I won’t interfere with what you’re doing.” my voice was pleading, “So can you please put away your knife?”Bookmark here

Heh, that won’t do kid.” the man grinned, “At least, be useful and help me sneak into the Saint’s room.”Bookmark here

Huh? I gave him the blank stare as my memories of the murderous maids floated back in my mind, “Err…what do you want from that place? Do you intend to die, or something?”Bookmark here

The suspicious man stared at me with an ‘I-can’t-believe-you’re-asking-me-that,’ face before he spoke, “I know you also sneaked in here, kid; this place is a well-known all-female enclave. And you also don’t wear any holy garments. Don’t act innocent—you and I have the same goals here.”Bookmark here

“What? Don’t lump me with you!” I protested; but he’s right, I didn’t have any holy garments with me. I’m still wearing my old ‘Earth clothes,’ “I am just wandering around and admiring the place. It’s my first time to come back here since the Saint brought me into her room.”Bookmark here

“You what?” the man’s eyes nearly popped out from their sockets, “The Saint brought you into her room?”Bookmark here

“Y-yeah?” I was about to explain how Her Holiness brought me in, but the man won’t listen. I guess I’ve struck a few strings. Oh boy, looks like I know where this is heading… “But I don’t know my way back to her place. I mean, this palace is too big, after all.”Bookmark here

The man pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, waving it before me, “This is where this map comes in, boy. I don’t need your directions; I just want a lookout.”Bookmark here

“A lookout?” a sudden chill went through my spine, “Are you a criminal of sorts?”Bookmark here

“Look here, amateur.” the suspicious guy frowned and sighed, “If you don’t call trespassing and threatening a stranger at a knifepoint a criminal act, I don’t know what else to call it.”Bookmark here

Damn…first, getting chased by murderous maids. Then being attacked inside my room. And now I got involved in some shady person’s business. Bookmark here

Is there an end to my bad luck?Bookmark here

“Okay kid.” the man sheathed his weapon, “Since we’re kindred spirits here—trespassers, in particular, why don’t we join our forces together? You can be the lookout while I enter Her Holiness’ room.”Bookmark here

This is getting out of hand. I better put an end to this; if only there’s a guard or a maid who’d pass by. I had to stall this shady guy. Bookmark here

“What do you want from the Saint?” my mind was racing for questions to ask; it’s the best I could do for now.Bookmark here

“Don’t make me go in circles, kid!” he was tapping his feet and getting restless, “Are you a man? What else do we sneak here other than to steal Her Holiness’ panties?”Bookmark here

I think my ears are defective. I’m hearing stupid things again.Bookmark here

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Panties. Underwear.Bookmark here

Ever since its invention, it had permeated the erotic fantasies of men. If I remembered, there’s even a country back on Earth where there was a market for a fresh school girl’s underwear.Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Uh, make that a freshly removed school girl’s underwear. Complete with the authentic scent from that girl’s nether regions.Bookmark here

Disgusting.Bookmark here

Even I am a man, I still got my sanity and common sense. Perversion flowed in my veins; it’s in my blood, but I made sure it stayed in its proper place. I believed it’s what separates the ‘gentlemen’ from rabid perverts.Bookmark here

And speaking of perverts, it seems like even other worlds have them.Bookmark here

“Hey kid.” the perverted thief’s raspy voice brought me back to reality, “So what do you say? Do you know how valuable Her Holiness’ panties if we sell it to the highest bidder? You’ll be forever rich and I’ll become a legend if we’re successful!”Bookmark here

So, it goes to bidding, huh? Well, I’m not that surprised. Even on Earth, some people will burn their preciously earned money just for the sake of a tiny piece of cloth.Bookmark here

“They even say that Her Holiness’ panties have an aphrodisiac effect,” he added.Bookmark here

That is stupid. Bookmark here

I could only shake my head, “Sorry man, I don’t think we can be friends.”Bookmark here

“So you’re refusing to help me?” I noticed his hand was about to reach for his weapon. I knew what’s bound to happen next, so I wasted no time. I immediately lunged and went for his arm to immobilize him.Bookmark here

“!!!” the man kicked my stomach, and I almost lost the air in my lungs. My mind was in chaos; I couldn’t think of anything else, save for keeping his hands off his dagger. In the ensuing struggle, we eventually fell on the floor.Bookmark here

Desperate, I shouted with all my might, hoping to attract someone’s attention, “Help! There’s a thief in here!”Bookmark here

“Oh, no you don’t!” the man began throwing punches on my head to stop me. I kept on shouting and tried to fight back. Our struggle lasted for quite a while. However, that pervert eventually got the upper hand. Bookmark here

Heck, being hit on the face repeatedly can sap your strength the longer the fight ensues.Bookmark here

“Haa…haa…” Bruised and battered, I tried to gasp for air.Bookmark here

The thief then stood up and, seeing that I couldn’t move anymore, grabbed his knife.Bookmark here

Haha…I guess if this was a light novel, the most fitting title would be: ‘I Got Summoned to Another World and a Panty Thief Killed Me’. Bookmark here

Pretty appropriate, huh?Bookmark here

The thief then swung his dagger and was about to plant it on my neck when a powerful gust of wind blew and hit my would-be killer. He dropped his knife, and the next thing I knew, a bunch of armor-clad girls ganged him up. Bookmark here

The guards finally come!Bookmark here

“You sure created another mess here, Kuro,” a familiar voice came beside me; it’s the Saint, “You always give me a proper entertainment.”Bookmark here

And so ends the ‘Panty Thief Incident’.Bookmark here

Or so I think…Bookmark here

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I’m hungry.Bookmark here

I guess it’s been a while since I ate. Looking around, I noticed that there were no windows in this room, and the atmosphere was suffocating. If I may put it, this was a dungeon.Bookmark here

Wait. Why am I even here?Bookmark here

“It seems you caught a big fish here, Mister Kuro.”Bookmark here

It’s the first time that I saw that armor-clad girl. She had a dignified stature, and her face told me she hailed from the nobility.Bookmark here

“My name is Dusis Louisa, the Marquise of Monfort. I’m the head of Her Holiness’ Paladin Corps. Nice to meet you, Mister Kuro.”Bookmark here

“Err…”Bookmark here

“Well, I know it’s only now that we met.” the Marquise of Monfort pulled a nearby chair and sat down, “It’s because Her Holiness sent me on an errand and only got back just now.”Bookmark here

No, not that. I don’t intend to know that; what I want to ask is why am I here in the dungeon.Bookmark here

“Or you want to ask why are you here, at the dungeon?” the paladin chuckled, “Well, you’re under investigation.”Bookmark here

“Ha?” I couldn’t believe my ears, “Why am I under suspicion? Didn’t I help you capture that weird guy earlier?”Bookmark here

Hmm? What did I just say?” the Marquise of Monfort paused and pondered.Bookmark here

“That I’m under investigation?”Bookmark here

“I…said that?”Bookmark here

“Well, yes!” I’m getting annoyed and sarcastic.Bookmark here

The Marquise of Monfort then suddenly let out an awkward, forced laugh, “Haha…sorry bud! What I mean is, I’m investigating the incident so I’ll be questioning you. You’re not a suspect, let me be clear, so don’t worry!”Bookmark here

“Then why am I in the dungeon?”Bookmark here

“Oh, this is for ‘setting the mood’. Look!” the paladin pushed the hanging light, and it rocked back and forth, “If I do this, it looks like a legitimate interrogation.”Bookmark here

Yes…indeed it looks like an interrogation scene from a movie. But wait a minute, do we even need this kind of atmosphere? This is just for questioning, right? And…I’m hungry…Bookmark here

“This is stupid,” I muttered.Bookmark here

“Do you want your hands to be tied at the back for added drama?” the Marquise of Monfort asked, pulling out a loop of rope from inside her armor.Bookmark here

Uhh…can we go directly to the questions? I’m starving.”Bookmark here

“Oh, right.” the paladin clapped her hands, “You can eat while we—wait! Supposedly this is an interrogation. The more famished you are, the better the tension! You can’t eat—guoh!Bookmark here

I heard a loud ‘clang’, caused by a metal helmet that hit the Marquise’s head. Her eyes rolled white and fell unconscious. Behind her was another girl with an indifferent expression; on her hands was the helmet she used to silence the other paladin.Bookmark here

“Dame Sasha Atkins, vice-captain of Paladin Corps.” the new arrival gave me a tray of food, “Here, eat!”Bookmark here

Finally! A reasonable person appeared!Bookmark here

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The moment I finished eating, was the time when Dame Atkins began her line of questions.Bookmark here

“Name?” she asked, with a pen and paper in hand.Bookmark here

“Kuro.” Bookmark here

“What happened?”Bookmark here

“I was looking around the palace when I met that weird guy. Turns out he’s a thief. He threatened me to help him with a knife. He says he wants to steal the…err…should I tell you?”Bookmark here

“Go on.”Bookmark here

“The Saint’s panties.”Bookmark here

“…” Dame Atkins fell silent. Her face was beet-red, though it remained indifferent.Bookmark here

“Ahem.” I faked my cough to break the ice.Bookmark here

“True.” she curtly replied. Does she have a lie-detecting device hidden somewhere?Bookmark here

Err…is that all?”Bookmark here

“No.”Bookmark here

“Next question?”Bookmark here

“Yes.”Bookmark here

“Then what is it?”Bookmark here

“Why?”Bookmark here

“Why what?”Bookmark here

“P-panties?”Bookmark here

“I don’t know.” Why do I feel that this conversation is getting nowhere?Bookmark here

“You?”Bookmark here

“Me?”Bookmark here

“Yes.”Bookmark here

“Me what?”Bookmark here

“A man?”Bookmark here

“Hey, is that even a legitimate question?” What kind of interrogation is this?Bookmark here

“Answer.”Bookmark here

“Of course I am!”Bookmark here

“Then why?”Bookmark here

“Why what?”Bookmark here

“Didn’t help?”Bookmark here

“Who?”Bookmark here

“Thief.”Bookmark here

I think I’m talking to a retard. “I’m not like him. I put my urges in their proper place.”Bookmark here

“True.”Bookmark here

“What?”Bookmark here

“What?”Bookmark here

“What what?”Bookmark here

“You know I’m having fun watching you guys talk.” it was the Marquise of Monfort. She finally recovered after being hit in the head by her subordinate, “You both look stupid!”Bookmark here

Oh yeah? Like you’re one to talk!Bookmark here

Ah anyway, Dame Atkins, I’ll take charge here.” the Marquise of Monfort told her, “Continue writing Mister Kuro’s responses.”Bookmark here

Dame Atkins gave a silent nod and backed down.Bookmark here

“So yeah, as I was saying earlier, you caught a big fish.” the Marquise began.Bookmark here

“Big fish?” I wanted an elaborate answer to what she just told me.Bookmark here

“Yeah. That thief you fought is the Duke Millshawn. He’s a well-known underwear thief in all of Chersea and a dedicated pervert whose stated goal in life is to grab hold of at least one of Her Holiness’ panties.”Bookmark here

“That’s…quite a mission, huh?” This world is weird.Bookmark here

“His alias: ‘The Great Sneaker’.”Bookmark here

And even their naming convention is twisted.Bookmark here

“Legend has it that there hasn’t been a girl’s panty in this land that is safe from the Duke’s hand. That’s why we took extra measures to ensure the security of this place. But alas, he still slipped past the guards.”Bookmark here

Well, for something that should be ‘extra secure’, for a pervert to sneak past the security is something, huh?Bookmark here

“Fortunately, the Saint has willed…”Bookmark here

Oh boy, here we go again…Bookmark here

“…a great soul to aid her faithful paladins in the defense of her underwear!”Bookmark here

I don’t like where this is heading.Bookmark here

The Marquise of Monfort was serious in her monologue, “And this great soul is even willing to sacrifice his life to safeguard the nether regions of Her Holiness…”Bookmark here

She said it!Bookmark here

“So from this day forward, allow me—the humble servant of Her Holiness, Dusis Louisa, the Marquise of Monfort—to give upon you the honorable title of ‘Defender of Her Holiness’ Nether Regions’—GUOH!Bookmark here

I immediately spat out the water that I was drinking straight to the paladin’s face. Dame Atkins began clapping her hands emotionlessly.Bookmark here

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You never cease to entertain me, Kuro, the Defender of my Nether Regions.” the Saint was giving me an amused look, once I emerged from that silly ‘interrogation’ unscathed. She was waiting for me in the courtyard, along with some maids who were serving her tea.Bookmark here

“T-thank you, Your H-holiness. But can you please omit that stupid title?”Bookmark here

“Oh why, oh why?” Her Holiness displayed a mockingly worried expression, “Don’t you like the honor, Mister Defender?”Bookmark here

Haha…yep, I thought Her Holiness was still angry about that embarrassing Vietnam War stunt I did earlier.Bookmark here

“Oh yes. Do that again in front of my patrons, and I will incinerate you.” The gentle, smiling face of Saint Madelaine didn’t match her words, but yes, I’d remember that. It’s quite fortunate I could get away from that scene with just a bump on my head, courtesy of Her Holiness herself.Bookmark here

“But my patrons aside, you are something. Not only did you make them laugh, but you also caught that pervert trying to sneak in my room.” I didn’t know if she’s praising me or what, but I guess I’d just let her spoke her mind, “Well at least, please do that ‘Vietnam War’ stunt when we don’t have visitors. I’m sure the rest of the household also would enjoy watching you like that.”Bookmark here

Oh, indeed they are.” I made a sarcastic remark, but I guess the Saint didn’t mind it.Bookmark here

Ah anyway, please come here.” she tapped on her lap. Is she telling me to place my head there?Bookmark here

“Of course, I am.” Oh…she read my mind. Bookmark here

Err…wouldn’t it be awkward for her? Or what about the maids? They might mistake that gesture for something perverted once again.Bookmark here

“Kuro, a beautiful girl is already offering you a lap pillow. I don’t see any reason you’ll refuse the invitation, can you?”Bookmark here

“Err…” From the corners of my eyes, I could feel the death stares of the maids watching my every move. Bookmark here

“Kuro, I just wanted to heal your head injuries; that pervert thief gave you a lot of nasty bruises after all. What’s keeping you?” The Saint’s face changed from gentle to threatening. The deadly stares of her servants immediately vanished. With that, I did what she told me, and she began chanting the healing spell.Bookmark here

She may be forceful, but Her Holiness is a kind soul, huh?Bookmark here

“I’m glad you think of me that way, Kuro. Thank you!”Bookmark here

Fuck, she read my mind for the third time.Bookmark here

Bookmarked
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