Platinum Smackdown: Yuki’s Ultimate Roast

Yuki, without even hesitating, throws her hands up all dramatic, like she's in some Netflix drama or somethin'. "Oh no, y'all! I've been exposed!" she says, eyes all wide like she's playing it up for the camera. "I'm actually part of an underground platinum-smuggling squad! My real name? Platy McPlatinumFace, and by night, I rob banks and floss with gold thread!" Bruh, she even hits the crowd with that deadass stare, like, "Y'all seriously buying this?" She's out here roasting old dude like he's a TikTok challenge gone wrong. "I've seen more believable villains on Saturday morning cartoons, and trust me, I watched every episode with a box of cereal like the true MVP I am."

Meanwhile, Prince Gabrielle's over here, looking like he's having a mid-life crisis. His face basically says, "Is this real life? Why am I like this?" He lifts an eyebrow, and in full I'm-too-royal-for-this mode, asks the old man, "So, you got receipts? Or is this just your daily random accusation energy?"

And the old dude? Oh man, he's flailing like a fish out of water, throwing his hands around like he's tryna escape the fact that he's caught in 4K. "Proof? Nah, who needs that when you've got, like, feelings, ya know? It's obvious! Just LOOK at her!"

Now Yuki, being the absolute queen of extra that she is, clutches her chest like she's straight out of a soap opera. "OMG, he's totally right! Look at me, all suspicious with my totally normal face and basic outfit!" She's laying it on THICK, bruh. "I mean, I'm practically giving off 'thief energy' here. If being fabulously broke was a crime, I'd already be locked up in some boujee platinum handcuffs, no cap."

The crowd, bro? They're kinda vibing between "oh, snap, is she serious?" and "nah, this is comedy gold." You can already hear a few chuckles in the back, and some people are realizing they just got front-row seats to a complete trainwreck. They're probably regretting wasting time on this dude's weak accusations.

But Gabrielle, still acting like he's the only adult in the room, doesn't even flinch. His eyes lock onto the old man like he's tryna laser-focus him outta existence. "You just made a serious claim with no evidence." And then he drops the line of the century: "In this city, that's called slander. And trust me, I take slander as seriously as Yuki takes sarcasm."

Yuki pops up behind him, grinning like the freakin' Cheshire Cat. "Yo, facts! Sarcasm's kinda my brand. You'd think they'd put that on my business cards by now." (Like, someone get this girl a branding deal, for real!)

Now, the old man's face? Bro, it's straight-up ghostly white, like he's seen the last slice of pizza disappear at a party. "Y-You can't arrest me for just saying stuff! That's not fair!"

Yuki, rolling her eyes hard AF, snorts. "Oh, RIGHT. 'Cause fairness is totally your vibe, huh?" She hits him with that savage roast, "Look, I get it, you're out here playin' the Karen card. You know, where you act like the victim and try to flip the script? Classic move, my guy. A+ for effort, D- for execution, tho."

Then, Yuki hits him with the finisher: "Bro, trust me, I've dealt with worse. I once had some lady demand to see the manager while I was literally holding the manager hostage. Now THAT... that was awkward."

And honestly? The crowd's DONE. Like, what's even left to say at this point?