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ItsYaBoiYungIan

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Just a college graduate who wants more free time

registered at: Dec 28, 2021

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aaa

Nov 29, 2024

To:Bubbles

Yes lol, I will fix it.

Killing Time: Omnibus [KT:O]

Chapter:1

Nov 22, 2024

This is already pretty great, I love all the imagery! If the quality is consistent, this could be a finalist.

Hotwired!

Chapter:1

Feb 25, 2023

This was a thought provoking ending that really makes you want to know what happens next.

Overall, this story is really good. It makes good use of different fonts and unique text formatting. The core ideas were also pretty interesting. I’m definitely giving you a follow to see what you come up with next!

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:14

Feb 25, 2023

This was a great chapter. I really have no complaints. The line about blood being drawn from Hemagriel “feeling backwards” was really funny. I didn’t expect Maraka to leave, but it does fit her character.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:13

Feb 25, 2023

This was very satisfying and probably my favorite chapter so far. I especially enjoyed the end because it was being built up to for such a long time.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:12

Feb 25, 2023

The ending of this chapter was a very overwhelming and powerful moment.

I’ve really liked the unique formatting choices throughout the rest of the web novel, but having to scroll so much to get to the story was on the obnoxious side. The length of it lessens the impact that the end of the chapter has imo.

Overall, you definitely did a good job of capturing that climactic moment, though.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:11

Feb 25, 2023

I really love the interesting text formatting that this web novel (and especially that this chapter) have.

This chapter had a couple of minor issues here and there. The second sentence of this chapter is a bit of a run on sentence, and it also has a little spelling error. Later, you spelled similar with two m’s. Again, be careful with the ellipses.

Apart from a couple of these minor issues, I found this chapter to be pretty interesting. Good job overall!

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:10

Feb 25, 2023

I really like the idea that getting a soul can be sort of a curse. This was a very interesting chapter.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:9

Feb 25, 2023

Great action. The depictions of violence were tasteful but at some points caused visceral reactions (like when Genesis ripping out the hunter’s throat). This chapter was great!

One minor nitpicky suggestion I have is to be careful of how often you use ellipses. It was all good in this chapter, but it was “riding the line”. You can overdo ellipses pretty easily.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:8

Feb 25, 2023

To:Vforest

Interesting! Sorry I’ve been taking my time with this as I’ve been rather busy.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:7

Feb 13, 2023

This was great! There's one mild problem I've noticed in this chapter, and it's that a lot of the text near the end, which doesn't read like narration, is not in quotes. Is this an intentional choice?

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:7

Feb 13, 2023

This is good so far, just watch the spelling of certain words like "obliged"

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:4

Jan 12, 2023

I really like the characterization of Makara Qulgot. In fact, I'd say that characterization is a strong point of yours. The dynamic between someone that energetic and brash and a robot reminiscent of Marvin from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is very interesting and makes for captivating reading.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:3

Jan 12, 2023

Holy shit, that's captivating. I know the formatting in the novel editor is pretty weird, but keep an eye on spacing. As for the story itself, though, I have no complaints.

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:2

Jan 12, 2023

A life form that runs on petrol? He spent his life creating America-man!

Anyways, I really enjoyed it, however, there are a couple of things I would change in this first chapter. Later in the story, there are multiple instances where a series of sentences will start with the same word and be around the same length. This can sound robotic to a reader. I used to be way worse about doing this, but it's just something to keep in mind when you write.

I'll continue to give you critiques chapter by chapter.

Also, the art is great!

The Land Called Myself

Chapter:1

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