May 23, 2023
Since your revising the story let me give you some good faith criticism.
"I dont know about friends. All i have are acquaintances"?
That is honestly some of the worst things a character can say in a story.
When you introduce a new character ,you basically have to pose a question to the audience and convince them that they want the answer. In this case the question should have bein:
-why does he act so strangely when the topic of friends if approached
Your job is to make the audience crave the answer.
But the way you did it ruined the hole mystory of his character from page one. This guy is the trope of the handsome popular guy who for some reason feels empty with the relationships hes got, theres nothing wrong with using tropes as long as you dont use them the wrong way! By having him state exacly what he is thinking the audience isnt going to wonder why hes like this, the only thing i could think of when i read it was "oh yea, i know this guy" and that is terrible if your reader is familiar with the romance genre and detremental to the character because when those same readers read about him later on, all their going to think "yea, so what?".
I know you tired of hearing it, but show not tell exists for a reason
I hope this criticism helps.
