Jun 23, 2022
What a nice change of pace! Even if the category is "school" it's nice to get a little action to spice things up now and then, and considering the world-building done in this chapter, it seems to be somewhat common in the setting--another plus in my book.
Echoing what others have said, I like Rel. On personality alone she's a good addition to the cast of misfits (and poor Endra.) The "ignoble noble" is a fantastic trope and one you seem to be handling very well from the get-go. The influence her personality has on her views (and vice versa) is immediately evident, and it was cool to see it come out not just in how she speaks, but also how she fights, and how she treats the unspoken rules of a duel. Wonderful character, and already likely my favorite of the crew.
As far as criticism goes, one thing I've noticed and would advise looking out for is using descriptive identifiers. "The red-haired girl," "the green-haired girl," "the X-attribute person," etc. They're not always bad, and I think you have a great example of good use in this chapter.
Rel describing the nameless nobles by their attributes (specifically here you home in on hair color) makes sense because she doesn't know them, and I'm guessing they're not overly important to the story anyway. It also works with her description of Miieie because, for similar reasons, she doesn't really know her, they only just met. However these identifiers are used pretty frequently, and can be somewhat jarring as a result.
As well, now that we're in Rel's POV for the chapter, I don't think it makes sense for her to be referred to as "the red-haired girl" in the prose. It's her chapter, we're in her head, she knows who she is. Imo, having her described as if from the outside sort of breaks the POV, even in third-person. I think using her name and pronouns in place of identifiers would still keep us solidly in her perspective.
All in all, I really enjoyed it! I think this might be one of my favorite chapters so far just for the clever ways you characterize both Rel and Miieie through action. Great work, I'm eager for more!
