Oct 26, 2022
Oh yeah no problem. Honestly, I think it is probably the best idea in the world to try and get as many people (preferably all with very distinct tastes in literature) to critique your work as possible, but sometimes that is easier said than done, and even if you do manage to do it the influx of opinions could make you drastically change your narrative style and I honestly think your narrative style is already pretty good. I'm sure this is something you're already aware of, but being a writer definitely requires just the right mix of flexibility and inflexibility in your art. All that being said, definitely try to get those numerous opinions buzzing in your ear. It will definitely be more helpful than harmful.
As far as the whole race thing. If you want to put some kind of hint early on in the story that eludes to Kirk being black, ya know, go ahead, but if you think people will get more out of your story by leaving it as a seemingly out-of-nowhere reveal, then absolutely do that instead. I suppose I'm someone who is just generally more into reveals about a character that have been hinted at and hinted at but still end up being surprising. Ya know, I like to watch a show where someone is like "But it was me all along!" and then have my reaction be like "Wha- No way. That's- but wait. Holy shit! Of course! Jesus! Am I a fucking idiot! How did I not notice?!" Ya know, reall AOT 2x6 level stuff if you catch my drift. Stuff that makes you want to go back through and revel in how utterly unobservant I was as a reader or viewer. But things don't have to be that way. In fact, I think reveals that are hinted at come across far better in a visual medium than in a strictly verbal medium, therefore I don't really think you have to care about things like hints all that much especially when it comes to something like race which can't be hinted at very easily especially by a narrator who doesn't pay attention to that kind of stuff. If you do choose to go the hint-at route though, you could make that one character (the guy that used to date Cleo, I forget his name) be vaguely racist. Not so racist that he says something that obviously implies Kirk's race, but perhaps that the guy has a seemingly unjustifiable distaste for Kirk that doesn't really seem to be associated with who Kirk is as an individual. Ya know, like "Many men walked by, all saggy pants, all gold chains adorning their necks, rappers but not rappers. They passed a woman on the street, her purse dangled loosely by her hip. It remained that way. It was not until one man, dressed to the nines in a suit and tie walked by, that she clutched her purse tight against her chest.
This man was Kirk, and that was his life." Of course, you would have to change a character you already have written to be an entirely different way and then of course you would have to probably address his racism at some point and the story would probably end up being a different way, but I think you get the idea. Maybe have Elias subtly imply that Kirk does not have the same level of prospects as Roscoe despite the fact that Roscoe is something like a lazy bum in Elias's eyes. And last thing in regards to the race thing, and I'm sure you are probably aware of this, but if you do choose to make a racist character, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD have them be subtly racist. I'm not saying that there aren't people who will literally walk up to you and call you the N word to your face, spit in it, kick you in the nuts, and then walk off, but I think it is pretty evident at this point that such a person would be a victim more of scorn than praise in most of today's society. So, even after the ball is dropped that Kirk is black, if there is a racist character that acknowledges it, don't have him be a dumb screaming redneck. I am reaallly tired of that. Bill Burr actually did a comedy skit about it. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA1ZU8LDpVE
Anyway, that went on for a while. And I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you how to write your book. I just want to bring up some possible avenues for your story that you might not have thought of. The last thing I want to talk about is your occasional use of seemingly unrealistic or overexaggerated language. So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that you're a bit like me in that you like to watch a lot of anime, read a lot of manga, and read a lot of Light Novels. I'm not gonna go into a whole lot of detail, but obviously these three mediums share cultural similiarities in terms of how to make their characters speak and behave and whatnot, and honestly a lot of the characters across all of these mediums have super-over-exaggerated behavior patterns which are often emphasized thorugh equally over-exaggerated dialogue. The first character that comes to my mind is Subaru from Re: Zero. Despite the fact that I consider him to be one of the more realistically written anime characters in terms of how he reacts to stimuli and addresses certain situations, I can honestly say that his manner of talking is not necessarily something reminiscent of my perception of how an actual person speaks. That being said, I absolutely do not care about that when I am watching him because a. I know that he was deliberately written to be like that and b. I know that there are no shortage of characters across anime and manga and light novels that behave similiarly. What's the point I'm trying to make? Fundamentally, I think it's that you might be developing a habit for overexaggerating the behavior of your characters but you only do it on occassions because you might be torn between having your character be anime-esque and having your character be realistic (which I realize is a vague subjective concept). I kinda think that I'm the same way, and I think what you need to do is just decide whether you want your characters to behave like anime characters or if you want them to behave like realistic people. I'm not so sure they can be both. Make that decision and begin your story with what you decided in mind and then write the rest of it with what you decided in mind.
Let me know if what I'm saying makes sense because I'm honestly not so sure if I am making sense and I never really am.
