Sep 17, 2022
I have finished reading this novel.
Time to share my thoughts.
Judging from the pace I was expecting a cliff-hanger but things got escalated quickly and made a good satisfying ending... (For a volume one. Since there's still a lot of mystery going on till the end...)
The romantic ending scene was definitely satisfying.
The world building was actually pretty good. While many novels focused on the actions scenes you took your time building the world (I wanted to say from scratch but this isn't a fantasy novel... )
Some scenes were actually amazing. I can name the interlude chapter for example and the chapter where Shinji got shot by his father and many others.
Of course the first chapters had their own taste as well. starting with a post apocalyptic scene wasn't a new thing in cyberpunk genre but you made up for that with good description. The scene where the villain and the protagonist have some chat before and in the middle of the fight reminded me of famous Shonen animes. I see you love your animes shows and you're a fellow JoJo fan.
I personally find that explaining stuff in the middle of fights was important. Especially the tactics and the use of chemicals. General audience is composed from different age categories so It's natural to find some people that will find that you intend to explain obvious things.
A Rule that you should always remember is that the reader is generally a lazy person. unless you make everything clear, straightforward and exciting people won't read.
it's clear that you were struggling a bit to create the perfect balance between them but in the end the final product was much better than average.
I noticed a change of the writing style in this novel especially after the fall of the Setagaya dome. I didn't understand whether you were changing your style or only making the necessary changes that goes with the events...
The grammar and spelling level are good (Not excellent)
You made some mistakes here and there, but I don't think that you have a trouble with the language itself. You lack editing!
In some sentences you even forgot a whole word.
Again editing and finding your own mistakes is a bit a hassle so I can understand.
I suggest next time trying to finish your novel a bit earlier and hire someone to check those mistakes for more efficiency. You can find cheap offers online for 15 or 20 bucks.
For grammar and spelling I would give you a 7/10 ( Don't think of it as an official rating. It's only based on my personal opinion and the sh*t that I think need 1/10) So you can say you did a good job there too.
Next after the world building, the action, the writing style and the grammar we have the characters.
I am not really a big fan of the first-person narrative but I believe you've done a good job there. You managed to develop good characters.
I can name some characters that I really can remember after reading the whole novel like: Rin, Shuna, AI, Asahi and Shinji ofc ...
The other characters from the squad (From what I understand the main characters in this story are the members of Shinji's squad) need more development. I can't say whether you have done that intentionally or unintentionally but since this isn't the end of the story then I guess you still have the opportunity to forge them into memorable characters.
For the main cast (The ones that I feel they were the main characters in this volume: Rin, Shinji, Ai and maybe Shuna and Asahi) I can say you have done a great job.
I was able to feel the softness of Rin, the clumsiness of Ai and Asahi, the depression and the strong desire for revenge (resolve) of Shinji. Shuna had many funny moments. I understand why many people loved her (I loved Rin btw).
So for character development I would give you an 8 or 8.5 out of 10 ( You're lucky since this isn't a romcom so I won't be really harsh on character development of each character and believe me I rarely give a 9)
I enjoyed the story. I repeat that the end was really unexpected in a positive way.
The romantic moments in a cyberpunk genre were really amazing. I can understand why people enjoyed you story.
For the final rating I would give you 8 or 8.5 out of 10 ( I rarely give a rating of 9/10 so I think I was fair)
I stumbled on your tweets and decided to give your novel a shot. I guess I will check the novel you recommended in one of your tweets: Cupid's BLAME later.
Have a good day. 🤗
