Jun 08, 2023
Well, Iāve finished the prologue. The story concept seems good, it doesnāt take long to read. But if you allow me a friendly critique, there are some things in the narration that could be improved... for example, āThe only thought is a vague one,ā you could remove the āoneā because itās redundant and the sentence wouldnāt change... or the part of the paragraph āI walk all the way to the back, sitting down and pulling out a few paperbacks. I know for a fact this is about to be a long trip. I deserve it, though. After all, I am nothing more than a mother killing monster.ā Is repetitive because you start three sentences with āIā... by changing it slightly, you could enhance the flow. There are a couple of things you could review to improve readability. (removing words that donāt alter the meaning of the sentences; removing a few weak adverbsā¦). Good luck and keep up the effort :)
PS: Iām sorry if I havenāt expressed myself clearly, English is not my native language.
