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Mei

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registered at: Jun 11, 2023

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aaa

Jul 29, 2023

I feel sorry for Takashi. It must have been quite embarrassing to be this bad at something. In front of everyone.😅
Nao listening to the coach's deafening shouts was funny to read. 😆

Notes:

You wrote: - "Takashi was getting tired of that images recurring..." => those images, since it's plural
- Alright, we are been in the lead since the first minute. => we have been

And I didn't understand something. When Kenjiro passes the ball to Takashi, before Takashi passing the ball to Kimura, you wrote: "What are you doing?" Takashi shouted angrily. "Pass it!" I didn't understand this part because Takashi is the one passing the ball, so why would he say that? Unless I misunderstood something.

Otherwise, it was an interesting chapter to read, so keep it up! 😉😊
I could really feel the vibe of the stadium, the excitement of the match, even Takashi's awkward attempts at playing soccer. 😆

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:5

Jul 28, 2023

It is quite unbelievable until you happen to witness it. 😅

You're right. It's a typo, so I corrected it. Thanks for noticing! 😊

Our History

Chapter:5

Jul 23, 2023

To:Shulox

Word limit is one of the biggest enemies of all of us. 😅
That's definitely a good thing to hear. Not that I'm not interested in their romance, but I'm also interested in the story's sporty side as well.

Okay.😆

You're welcome. 😊 I saw you already corrected it. But I just want to let you know that one typo still remained: his anxiety which should be her anxiety. Since it's Nao, who is anxious.
No problem, that's what revisions are for. 😉😊

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:4

Jul 22, 2023

I didn't expect a match so early on but I don't mind it. I only felt that the match ended a bit too early. :D

It surprised me that Nao is actually older than Takashi. I thought they're the same age but I don't mind it at all.

Quick note: "She quickly surpressed his anxiety and mustered the most enthusiastic smile his racing heart allowed." Who did you mean? Him or her?
I may have misunderstood something but if it's Nao, who is anxious and still smiles enthusiastically, then it is her and not his and him.
But maybe I'm wrong and you had something else in your mind, only I just misunderstood it.

The story is getting more and more interesting with Nao hiding many secrets I'm sure of it. 😆 The way she acted here just screams that she is knows something and she is not telling any of it. 😆

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:4

Jul 21, 2023

To:Shulox

Yes, I know that. I was just afraid at first that the chapter will be longer than required. So, at first I only concentrated on the things that I really wanted to be included in the chapter. But as it turned out, I still have a few hundred characters left, so I'll come back to it later.

Thanks for taking the time and effort to give some suggestions!😊

Our History

Chapter:3

Jul 21, 2023

To:Shulox

Ok, I'll do just that. 😉

Glad to hear that Shulox. 😊

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:3

Jul 20, 2023

An interesting chapter again. Good introduction to the girl. It seems like she knows more than she is letting on. But we'll see.

Unfortunately, Jun stayed in the shadows but I hope he'll come out soon. 😁

I really liked Takashi's response when Nao said that "It must be great to be a soccer player." That was hilarious. 😆And very true.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:3

Jul 20, 2023

To:Shulox

No problem, really. I get what you mean. Too many facts can get the reader lost sometimes. That is true but it's still better to have many ideas for a shorter story, than writing a long novel with only very few ideas.

You'll definitely see me around. Your story is interesting so far, I wouldn't read it if it wasn't. I just don't have much time these days. 😅Otherwise, I would read it faster. 😁

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:2

Jul 19, 2023

It surprised me that Takashi isn't even a mediocre player but actually worse than that. 😅 But I guess he'll probably improve in the long run.

I know nothing about soccer but I could still understand what is going on, so I'd say you managed to explain the situation well.

I'm used to reading stories with many characters in them, so it didn't bother me at all that you had more characters in one scene.

I think the way you introduced the girl is interesting. I hope she didn't get a concussion.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:2

Jul 19, 2023

To:Shulox

Thank you for your support! ❤️

And also huge thanks for the heads up. I didn't see it is displayed twice for the readers. I corrected the titles. 😊

Our History

Chapter:2

Jul 13, 2023

To:Shulox

I've heard that too. Back in the old days many things were made more durable than now. 😅Well, I'm not entirely sure, whether it would be good or bad if it were true. 😅

I"m glad you found it interesting. Thank you for your support! ❤️😊

Our History

Chapter:1

Jul 12, 2023

To:Shulox

I like people with a good sense of humour. And he really is a likeable character as well. Oh, I can't wait to get to that part then. 😁

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:1

Jul 12, 2023

I can sympathize with Takashi here. Lack of sleep and listening to a boring speech is a dangerous combination. 😆I was glad to see Takashi also has a sense of humour too. And Jun is best boy again. 😊Hiroshi is also an interesting character and a source of humour as well.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:1

Jul 12, 2023

To:Shulox

I will definetely read it further. I like your style of writing. It made me want to read about soccer players, so it's an achievement already. 😁Glad to hear that since I actually liked Jun more than the main character. But we'll see how they turn out.
Thank you! 🙂

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:0

Jul 08, 2023

Interesting premise. I'm not much of a soccer fan myself but you managed to grab my attention with your writing style. I already like Jun, the way he said "I believe in you and this dumbass here does, too." was both funny and heartwarming at the same time. :D It was a pleasant read.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:0

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