Sep 17, 2023
Eyy, gratz on seeing it through! Liked the shenanigans between Rosalind and Ataru, even if it got a little too cheesy at parts, though it's more fun to see them chit-chat than to see them do exposition.
Main thing that stood out is probably that the story is really imbalanced in terms of progression. While you did have both the Hero and Claire be featured/namedropped before things went down, it felt pretty cheap for Claire's whole thing to be settled in, like, less than a chapter, considering how ye, she was freakin' mutilated by other humans.
Also, while baseball is Ataru's passion, his main thing was that he wanted to be a pitcher, yeah? It's narratively incoherent for his finishing strike to be as a batter, I feel. Should've gone for a pitch, ya know? Risk his shoulder to save the day by, idk, yeeting a meteor-sized curveball that the target's incapable of understanding how to dodge because losers don't know how spin works.
Also I guess it's a bit hard to figure out where dragons stand in this universe. Was it ever going to be a threat, if the feat of slaying a dragon was presumably something that would only get you recognized as a rank 2, and if there was a rank 4 famous ass wizard pretty close by?