Mar 21, 2025
The idea of the Nexus, the Five Tribes, and the way each of their roles are told, I find really interesting.
However, I feel it's a bit too obvious as an info dump. I understand its importance so maybe you can add madigan's bias on each of the tribes, or even a line of how he felt about their importance and unison. Just to make it more natural.
Madigan is a great MC so far; though one with some serious baggage.😅 I can really feel his attitude and voice. That's good.
Lukas death. I wonder what happened there...
The last line is a brilliant way to end the chapter.
As for the writing, it flows well. You definitely know how to paint an image for the mind's eye.
These are some typos I was able to spot, maybe you can fix them whenever you have the time:
1. “As far as Madigan could tell, there was no signs of animal life” Either you replace was with “were” or remove the “s” from “signs.”
2. (Optional) "He was already honed in on an anomaly right beneath him." Replacing "was" with "had" feels like a better verb choice.
3. (Optional) "Yet it was your captain that alerted me of your decision, instead of yourself." Replacing "that" with "who" makes it flow better.
All things considered, great first chapter. :]
