Hallowfear / Comments

Hallowfear

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Writing Light Novels!

registered at: Apr 19, 2025

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aaa

Jun 25, 2025

To:Deleted User

So glad you are enjoying it!

Whispers From Realmspace

Chapter:1

May 19, 2025

Decent opening action. Could do with some tempering down of exposition, as well as benefiting from stronger, more dynamic characterization. Good luck!

Children of Ashes

Chapter:1

May 16, 2025

To:Cacalotlraven

Glad you enjoyed it so much! I'd love to hear your thoughts after you read more, as well

Whispers From Realmspace

Chapter:1

May 04, 2025

Third-person omniscient is a very difficult narrative choice. It's alright for now, but I might keep it to just the two love interests' perspectives to keep things focused. A bit heavy on exposition and philosophy, but it does capture the sort of 'gentle comfort' one feels with a significant other

Redefining the Elements of Love

Chapter:1

Apr 29, 2025

"Ah, such a kidder!"-- lines like these make the story read like some kind of cartoony parody or satire. Is that the intent?

My Personal Warrior

Chapter:1

Apr 28, 2025

To:blumsan

Something to improve and think about in the future, then. Good luck

Look at the Dragon

Chapter:2

Apr 27, 2025

To:Nyodu Sama

Glad you liked it!

Whispers From Realmspace

Chapter:1

Apr 27, 2025

Fun premise! Well written for the most part. Actually got a chuckle out of me.

I'd make sure you maintain tense consistency, for example: "Elisa exhaled. He seems convinced of his story already."-- The first sentence of the narration is past tense, but the next sentence is present tense. Something worth cleaning up imo

Tinker, Tailor, Tyrant, Traitor, Husband… Mine?!

Chapter:1

Apr 27, 2025

You do a decent job setting the premise, the first few paragraphs hooked me in. It really reminded me of a time in my life when the only 'person' I could trust in my life was my pet rabbit, lol.

You're writing in third-person omniscient, using a narrator, which is a very bold choice. I'd look into writing third-person limited from your male mc-- that would help the reader with immersion. Your pacing is a bit all over the place as well, and you could do better by having smoother scene transitions and better imagery.

My Cat Turned Into a Girl, and Now She Calls Me Master!!

Chapter:1

Apr 27, 2025

You did a good job with the emotions in this chapter. Consider working on your grammar a bit. Most notably, you switch tense consistency a lot, which breaks the reader's immersion

Look at the Dragon

Chapter:2

Apr 27, 2025

You definitely wrote out the scenario from the prompt 'how would people react'. Not a bad read, if short. Consider breaking up your paragraphs when you switch who is talking. That helps keep the reader on track

Gravity Goodbyes

Chapter:0

Apr 27, 2025

Starting the novel off by telling the readers: "This is going to end in absolute tragedy, and you have despair to look forward to" is certainly a bold choice

A Crystalline Summer

Chapter:1

Apr 21, 2025

To:MrRejex

Asmo does not eat 'mortal food'. He above it, lol

Guardian Angel

Chapter:1

Apr 21, 2025

To:MrRejex

That's the goal! So glad you enjoyed

Guardian Angel

Chapter:1

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