Moe Tie

Moe Tie

A very moe tie.

registered at: Jun 25, 2025
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    Aug 03, 2025

    To:Banje

    Hmmmm, I'm no fight expert tbf, so only my own opinions🙌. Firstly I would say investment. Written medium fights very rarely have spectacle on their side in the same way visual mediums do - they have to lean far harder on the emotion stakes or plot significance etc - that doesn't land for me here. The best it has going is the idea of the twins trying to be less clumsy but I don't find that super compelling for a multi chaoter fight.
    Slime queen interestingly does give that emotional aspect, but thats all in the last oart 2/3 chaps from now so it doesn't do much retroactively.
    The fight itself read quite wordy to me, technically speaking your doing alot of things well enough, but theres only so much one can do to describe slime and a broadsword😆. Lunas magic is a little better being a bit more visual, but theres just not alot for the reader to picture - were standing in a plain field, hacking a slime monster ya know. I'm not wholly sure how interesting one can make that, in that sense I do think you do fine, but perhaps a shorter battle would be better suited. I appreicate wanting your characters to have to show effort of course but that kind of brings me to my final point I would make - the framing is kind of loose.
    We open in wild west > isekaied, hell hound > village to get are bearings - all quite solid - from there tho, I don't think you adequately built up to a 'boss battle' if that makes sense?🤔. Meets elfs > fights slimes > visits guild > at tavarn we exposit alot, which establishes the twins somewhat and their fatal inaccuracy flaw (also shown during slime slaying) > boss battle.
    Now, I do get the appeal of a sort of surprise boss battle, but sort of linked with my first point about emotional investment, it feels like skipping Act 2 of 3. If this was just a fairly ordinary fight that would be one thing, but its clearly framed as a desperate struggle with twists and turns. To me, and again I appreicate tis only my own taste😆, to me your missing alot of 'the middle', some extra adventure, a campfire talk where we learn a little more bout the twins, some smaller growths in battle but still failing, Clint softening on them a bit - that done they return to the slimes, ready and determined to finally crush the quest, only for Boom! Surprise boss battle, their now more formed bonds and trust for each other on the line, their growth on fill display.

    Well thats about as rambly and unhelpful as I imagine I can be😆. Dunno if that helps but tis the best I can explain it I think🙏

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    1
    Cover Art by Kiseeki
    Wandering Another World with Only A Six Shooter
    Chapter:10









    Jul 31, 2025

    Hmmmmmm, I think what I said a couple chapters back has kinda compounded. You have a strong initial hook and set up, the isekai, the unique protag and his weapon - but feels like we're threading water. The elfs are a bit to nothing to be super engaged in, like, their clumsy and probs have heavy expectations on their shoulders but thats only been implied so far - implication over allowences and hertage aside, they've mostly just exposited alot and draging Clint and us around a field of slimes😆.

    Your initial hook is very strong but imo, you need to get your secondary hook in sooner. What is the goal? Heck why isn't Clint a little more, I dunno - Tis one thing to go with the flow but dudes been isekaied and just sorta settled for tutoring two kids. The money is fualty, he could clearly make more just killing the slimes alone - that implies a softer side thats actually willing to give a couple of days of his time to these kids, and thats fine💯, however as the audience that would be better after a hook.

    My reading would be that this is setting up a sort of subversion, one where the slimes are revealed to be a big bad type thing, but until that occurs, even if you intend to subvery it, until the moment it happens we are in fact, just standing in a field killing slimes and being exposisted too😆.

    Ye. Not to say its bad just, lost alot of the momentum those first 3 chapters had. Set up is always hard of course, so I can understand the need🙌.

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    1
    Cover Art by Kiseeki
    Wandering Another World with Only A Six Shooter
    Chapter:7



    Jul 31, 2025

    Wowie long one, I shall have to stop and type as I go or I'll lose track😆.

    Very happy to see Brann and Renne being fleshed out. Would love to see Renne come along on whatever adventure awaits honestly - I could see a very engaging conflict of the cowboy loner trying to push her away maybe but her sticking in there and the friendship that could come of it👀. Same witb Bran, team Artificer and cook eh? Though even if both are simply town support and Clint Eastwood here decides to stay solo, I appreicate fleshing the two out all the same😎.

    Like the bit of lore on what qualifies as 'human', neat little detail and logical thing for Clint to stumble on.

    Pistol being framed as a friend almost is great. I think you nail that attitude of like, man can be great and equally evil, a weapon can be a creul harsh instrument and also his only companion from the old world. Good stuff💖

    Small thing but I really really like the little interactions of the natives, Bran claiming its magic only to be rebuffed, for in a world of magic, a practitioner like Rinie obviously wouldn't fall for that. And Brans evaluation of why he thinks its a weapon - I think its very improtant for Isekai to threat the new worlds people as, well, people, makes for better characters and immersion to the world😊.

    Overall a very nice slower chapter. I do wonder if chaoter lenghts are a tad long for HF📝, but tbh I personally think whats right for the book must always come first so I can't say I have an issue there personally👍💪

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    2
    Cover Art by Kiseeki
    Wandering Another World with Only A Six Shooter
    Chapter:3