Jul 17, 2021
Hey! I've checked out your story, and the plot is pretty good :D
However,
-you need to use more fullstops (".") instead of commas(","). Reading the first paragraph was quite a hard time since it was a whole sentence.
-I think it would be better if you put dialogue on a different line than narration
I'm interested in this, keep up the good work :)
(hey if you dont mind pls check out my novel too lol)
