Jul 02, 2022
This story is a bit outside my usual wheelhouse, but I'll try to give feedback best I can:
It's fun so far, your writing is very smooth and goes down well. It's very economical in ways that draw attention the parts that matter. For Clark in particular, you do a good job establishing his anxiety over being the new kid in town & dealing with anxieties over his past as the drivers of his emotional life in ways that keep him from feeling like too much of a wet blanket, which is surprisingly tough to avoid with this kind of character. Tracking what aspects of other people he finds worth noting & implicitly comparing to himself also gives him a good interiority.
At times, the approach feels a little too economical, the hotel could've been established as part of a more comprehensive picture of the town where currently it feels a bit too much like an "this will be important later" map marker being placed down. The setting doesn't get a lot of texture in general and remains quite anonymous, for a story juxtapositing a city's past and present I found myself lacking a sense of its present. As for its past, I appreciated the effort to root Sophie's verbal patterns in her lived era, but they felt a little forced and put-on in practice, I think it would've remained effective slightly toned down.
So, good work so far, I hope this works out for you.
