Sep 14, 2021
Kiku's energy was instantly infectious. I gave this prologue a couple tries in the past, but after genuinely sitting down and giving this a try, I get it. She's incredibly eccentric and fun and pretentious, and that's great. The chapter takes Kiku's own advice, a kick in the head when you realize it grounds the MC in the fictional world he's writing in about this fictional story that he technically didn't even write.
I have one critique. Actually two, but the first one is funnier. The whole "gulping nervously" bit... he said that an adverb was the only way to demonstrate the manner in which he gulped, but you see... writing that someone gulped implies a nervous disposition. This is widely understood by every reader out there just by connotation; the truth is that everyone swallows all the time, and so technically a gulp doesn't imply nervousness, but in writing, you would only detail someone's gulping if it displays something about their mood or if it was pronounced in some way.
Sorry, I spent too long on the gulping bit. I forgot my other piece of criticism. Anyways, good work; your chances of winning are strong. Oh, and give my novel a try if you'd like. It's about a girl who can read minds.