Ch. 4 Looking for that reason

About a week later, I was starting to settle in. Every day has been busy, so I had no time to even think about what happened and what I should do from now on. 

My goal of finding a happy tomorrow seemed to be further than ever.

Today was another one of those days, but today I was planning to look for someone.

She has to be here. If we wake up in the spot we die, then she is either here or...

No, stop thinking about it

"There is something I have to do today"

Mori: Sure, just let me know what you need. I am here to help you.

Of course she is, this is all she has been doing this past week.

From time to time, I tried to act cool and tell her I can do things by myself, but she would always just find me standing somewhere confused about how everything around me works.

She would always just smile kindly and help me. Not getting mad, not mentioning it again. It gave me such a calm and warm feeling. There were 2 instances where I even did it on purpose.

"There is someone I have to find"

Mori: "I see, Is this person somebody you knew before getting here?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean..."

Mori: "You know that person may not..."

"SHE IS ALIVE"

Mori: "She... I see, I am sorry for sticking my nose in"

Ah...I am an idiot.

When we stopped for some food, I realized I actually knew almost nothing about the lady who has helped me so much.

She is always here, always wearing that casual suit of hers.

"Hey, Mori, sorry for screaming at you before. I am actually really thankful for everything you are doing for me"

Mori: "Don't worry, I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you." "Achoo"

Huh? Did she just pretend to sneeze with a straight face? Why?

"Pfft. Hahahahahaha. What was that?"

Mori: "Nothing, sorry. I just do that when the situation gets a bit too tense"

"This is what you consider tense? Not me going crazy an hour ago?"

Mori: "Well, you know, this time it is more...you know..."

"What?"

Mori: 'Nothing. Please forget about it"

That's the first time I see her lose that kind smile.

...

"Well, now that we have some time to sit like this. Please tell me more about yourself. Are you also a "Victim"?"

Mori: " I was born here, I was assigned this job, and I started training for it when I turned 20."

"20? I always thought people live much longer now but just how..."

Mori: "You know the things that you shouldn't ask a lady have not changed in all those years."

"Oh, sorry. Forget I wanted to say anything. 
So, how is life here for a native?"

Mori: " You see, maybe, I am not the best person to answer this"

Now this is the kind of smile that is hiding a lot of pain. Let's stop at this for now. No need to put someone in such a situation when I am just a client for her. Either way, at the pace things are going, we will probably go our separate ways soon.

Mori: "Can I also ask something about you?"

"Sure, go ahead, I don't make it a point to hold things hidden."

Mori: "What is your name?"

I was ready to answer ANYTHING but that. Why now? She said nothing about it for like a week. We just went with "you". *anata* works pretty well in Japanese, so there wasn't really a lot of confusion. 
It even felt good to be called that.

Now I have to think of something again. I wasn't ready for this. This time I won't get another chance for sure. 3rd time may be the charm.

Mori: *giggles* "Sorry, let me change my question, why don't you want to use your name?"

She got the message, SAFE.

"Look, my life 20000 years ago wasn't the best. I can't say I enjoy this one more, but that name, that name alone reminds me of too much.
I just, don't want to think about it."

Whatever I cared about is now probably gone and whatever hurt me is there to leave a scar.
What even is the point of thinking about what has been? How has reminiscing ever made somebody happy?

But it's not like I can pour my heart out like that to a person I barely know.

The silence is awkward. 

Mori: "When you decide on a new one, please let me be the first to call you by that name."

She caught on again. Damn, she is good.

"Yes, I will" 

When my goal of getting to look forward to tomorrow is finally fulfilled, I promise I will.

That was the first smile I let out since I got to The Hub

Mori: "So, what about that person you are looking for? Isn't it time to start searching?"

"Right" I stood up "Where do we start?"

With her kind smile, she got up and pointed at a pillar in the middle of the city. Did I ever mention she has a really kind smile?

Of course it would be a pillar.

Mori: "Everyone within the city walls can be found using this method unless, they are levitating."

"We can even levitate here?"

She is laughing, I guess she got me this time.

...

Mori: "Ok,  Haruya Haru, is this her?"

"I guess she never told me her full name. I did see the characters once though at her house entrance. Looking at them now, it should be her"

Mori: "You don't even know her full name?"
Contrary to expectations, her face only turned brighter when she heard that.
"No, forget I said anything. She is...She is in the city. Let's go"

On my way there, I couldn't calm myself down.

I finally get to see her again, what am I even going to say to her? I know. I have to give her an answer. She has always been there for me. Of course I want us to be more than friends. You couldn't really call us just friends in the first place. That's it. After so long, after so much time, I will finally reach that goal. I will finally be able to say it was worth it.

I was filled with emotion. I could feel my heart pumping. My messed up head was feeling all kinds if emotions. 

Happiness, love, excitement, nervousness, and most of all, fulfillment. 

But there was also a hint of worry that I just couldn't shake off.

Mori: "Here we are."

A marble stand. Of course. This doesn' treally tell me anything. This can just as well open and take me to an apartment. It could even be a shrunk building.

Size here doesn't even matter in the first place. *hehe* The preferred method of transportation is shrinking, becoming data, and being sent through the walls at almost the speed of light. (Guess we are never beating physics)

What am I even thinking?

"What is this?"

Mori bit her lip before answering, her smile was gone.

Mori: "This is the Local Residents Data Memorial"

"A Memorial?"