Showering together with trauma

disclaimer: heavy sexual tension

"Hey, Koga, I need to go to the bathroom! You have been like this for several days now, you need to let go sometimes." Maki tried to remain as calm as possible, still unaware of what had happened in the dream.

Koga hung on his arm, pleading eyes, not letting go. "Okay, but I'll wait right here for you to come back. Don't go anywhere!"

"I won't. I've been telling you this all day. I am not leaving. Let me go for a moment."

"Sure, you can go now." Koga let his arms fall. He leaned on the wooden wall, eyes locked on Maki.

Maki waved and closed the door. Koga sighed, fists clenched. He slid down on the floor, his head heavy. Despite some time having passed since his return to reality, he still couldn't get over the flashback. He couldn't help but feel the connection to Takeshi. His mind was always wandering and fighting for the right choice, for the right personality, for the guilt he felt. The blood all over him. He couldn't guess if it were him back then, or if the dream was too realistic. The feelings have mixed up and messed him up. He sat there, shaking, feeling like he had to perform in front of Maki, smile more, but never let him out of sight.

Meanwhile, Maki took his chance of being finally alone and stepped into the shower. It's been almost two days he barely managed to have any time for himself. Ever since Koga woke up he wouldn't let go. Anywhere he walked the other followed. Whatever he did, Koga insisted on being next to him. It was overwhelming. But he couldn't stop worrying about Koga's psychological well-being. He looked fucked up, yet Maki had no idea how to help him. He gritted his teeth thinking that he wasn't doing anything to ease his return. And Koga mentioned something about Maki being alive, which bothered him.

Maybe there was some logic to inquiring about the dream, despite the feeling that it was a bad idea - that way he could at least empathize with Koga, and get through it together.

He turned the red knob of the shower. It was going strong, the water hot, creating steam around him. For some time he didn't notice anything amiss.

Suddenly, he felt two cold hands embracing him from behind. He turned around rapidly, startled.

Koga stood there, naked, his eyes wide and wet. His cheeks red. Maki couldn't look away. This look on his face, so pathetic, lost, and... seductive. Maki bit his lower lip, feeling embarrassed by his body's reaction. Koga leaned closer.

"Maki, I am sorry, you didn't say you would be here for so long, I couldn't wait..."

Maki blinked. Unable to resist, he took Koga's face into his hands, brushing off the tears mixed in with water, and kissed him gently. He wanted to show that he cared for him and that his intentions were pure. This way he wanted to calm Koga down a bit, hoping to give him some comfort. He didn't care if this wasn't the first kiss he had envisioned, because he was guided by his feelings.

Yet, the moment he wanted to move away, he felt Koga biting him, and parting his lips, deepening the kiss so passionately, that Maki thought his body might explode. He had to resist the urge to do anything else, but he couldn't stop kissing him - he dreamed about this for too long.

He felt Koga's arm on his back sliding up, and grabbing his nape. Because of this, he seemed to shiver. The water dispersed the sounds they made while kissing. His head was spinning, and he felt the other's cold body pressing onto him, too full of desire. It started to become unbearable.

So Maki kissed him once more and took a step back, breathing heavily. Koga's eyes - half-closed, confused, brimming with yearning, as if under the spell - glared back at him.

"Khm, Koga. I think we need to wait for you to be more stable psychologically. I can't, I am sorry... I want you, but I want you to be safe. I can't do anything like this..."

Koga looked away, and sat down, hugging his head with his hands. Maki switched off the shower and sat down on his knees.

"Please don't feel like this was a rejection. You.. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, you are the only one I ever wanted. I want to have you to myself, I hate that model you spent time with, I don't care if you want information, I don't need it. I want you to be with me." He thought he might be talking too much, but at this point, all of his feelings poured out of him, he couldn't stop talking, "I liked you from the first moment I saw you there on the street, flirting so shamelessly. You were so full of yourself, but I couldn't look away. I wanted to have you. I wanted to have you always. The more time we spent, the more I knew I was right. You appreciate beautiful things, movies, culture, fashion... just like I do. We can appreciate this world together from now on. If you want, I can stay forever close to you. Koga, please, don't cry..." Maki leaned in, trying to see the other's hidden face.

Koga only sat there, closed off, dissociated. Tears ran from his eyes uncontrollably, sobs were coming from the depths of his heart. He couldn't react. He heard him say it. He knew that he was sincere. Somehow it made the whole situation worse. Those were the most beautiful words he had ever heard. But his body was not his. Overwhelmed he was unable to stop crying, unable to return to the body, unable to look up.

Maki sat there, an expression of extreme worry all over his face. He cautiously touched Koga's arm. Koga was stiff like a mountain. So Maki stepped out of the shower and quickly dressed himself, then tried to wipe the water off Koga.

Good Yoshio-san isn't home. He lifted Koga up and teleported to the bedroom. Koga was unresponsive, but after some movement, and Maki's attempts to unravel him, his body became more relaxed. In a moment he fell asleep, still detached from reality, and exhausted. His face glistened from all the tears.

Maki breathed out, pressing his hand to his wet forehead. Koga's mental state was worse than he thought. He decided to make some tea fast in case Koga woke up.

In a moment the hot cup stood on the bedside table, and Maki lay inside the sheets. He hugged Koga's cold body as close as he could, hoping that his body heat would be enough to make Koga warm up.